2026-08-20T10:33:17Z https://njump.me Jon Baker https://njump.me/npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 https://files.mastodon.social/accounts/avatars/000/026/524/original/55ee05c08e42f336.jpg https://files.mastodon.social/accounts/avatars/000/026/524/original/55ee05c08e42f336.jpg https://njump.me/nevent1qqs8723pjl4dgsx9ttqc8v8e43s7sx89vpj7jl4g985j7nlcd9dzfdqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jhvr6fv My new favorite insult<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/116/665/859/387/824/108/original/47e2a4476ac34379.png"> 2026-05-30T22:22:32Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrllpllwl6rv5g3ahe94lqpnzluvdzd9zkmj2mj8a430ruvd0frqszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j4k0xe9 I hope in Space Balls 2, Lone Starr puts in another $5 of gas in Winnebago but this time it doesn’t even get him out of the gas station 2026-03-26T16:35:15Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs8ah53yjukme262hcv0jxtnpzqeryk4ggg44rpg2k5nkz5f44rjwczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jeh78uf No Burger Kings, No Burger Gods, Only Burger Man 2026-03-23T17:59:06Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsg3kwe3rssd5293eju0rr4pwu40fwlkvlfqfv36z6jeka20nvplwczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jnempy6 Your email never found me better luck next time 2026-03-04T02:33:58Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsth77ka88uvaa2y2f9sksya8anv0nsnmz3g70vu6y6ndlptdql08czyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jesheyf I wanna see a period drama set vaguely in the time of lords or whatever introduce a character called “Daniel of House Vito”<br/><br/>And it’s just Danny Devito dressed in timely garb but basically acting and sounding like Frank Reynolds of today<br/><br/>And everyone is annoyed by him but nobody thinks it’s weird 2026-02-27T12:30:40Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsp7w67022tu4zylcasq7u9rwdsaspw59af3slms6x8t39xy9sgrnqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jmwkjst GENIE: You have 3 wishes<br/><br/>ME: I wish Spider-Man got arachnophobia<br/><br/>GENIE:<br/><br/>ME:<br/><br/>GENIE: Well now he’s just… screaming? All the time? Is that what you wanted?<br/><br/>ME: It was for science 2026-02-18T03:37:18Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsw5hatffmvzxd5t0sj5ktzwfaykx3dh680qm4zstph4hztryxy7mszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j498t3p FUN FACT: Facts stopped being fun over 10 years ago and scientists can’t explain why. Knowledge is pain! 2026-02-09T06:12:38Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqszfldyj83v0mmlr7ufajtdx0ragpf7627nga3vuzfq2vmaty7kxcczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jdlv4pz Come on, man, would it kill you to laugh once in a while?<br/><br/>“I like my humor like I like my chocolate”<br/><br/>…dark?<br/><br/>“I have diabetes” 2026-02-05T13:57:35Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdmjph7za2un3k3zexmcqagd4xdgy8z3taruq9u0zs83zu9zpx5ygzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j3rjqpl Oh No, It Turns Out This New Cup I Like Isn’t Dishwasher Safe And Must Be Handwashed: A Horror Story 2026-01-21T00:56:47Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsru5qpyzmuw8aj77s8hq7sgq8y992re60ku9s9y4wcthvt89wwffgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jjwxr92 ME: I’m not like those other guys. I would take a bullet for you. KILL for you.<br/><br/>POLICE OFFICER OVER MICROPHONE: Sir, for the last time this is a police lineup, not a dating show. You… you don’t want to be picked here. 2026-01-20T00:16:54Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs8ayuhxlryj3mkmrl2a94jyd4k9vkyu65yqkqdnwgk8qk4dtm483szyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jxvz499 Do you think The Count from Sesame Street drinks only puppet blood, or does he feed off humans as well? 2025-11-16T23:56:52Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs8qwu8kwpu0xnlqtndwl644v4zw9cu04u8g8fqnflusltfzzcml3szyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j28jvaw What kind of Fe Fi Fo Fum-ass bathroom do you have to have to even be able to house a goddamn forever roll<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/481/586/517/854/132/original/796fd8183e6de62e.jpeg"> 2025-11-02T18:46:24Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsgl360ekwvg275tqgpmuv9ynrwlyw7kh97ukp387x73gwftgx05rgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jhc3vnk We’ll cross that bridge when we burn it 2025-10-19T00:11:37Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdzz0lk8m65dt2h3spnt5ygcmd0va0f0qfzejn6jv8les4q9kd30szyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jshy9c9 Making minor edits to the Ship Of Theseus’ Wikipedia page that don’t materially change its information just to prove a goddamn point 2025-10-11T01:38:14Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfzn3el4d3pygarh6afhjh2dkt8djld2casvehreaw5juajrve50gzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jwhytqx Living your D&amp;D life to its fullest should be called “Carpe DM” 2025-10-10T17:14:51Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsz80gt4emgjhj87062ftg3fu5pj2ktp2e9ldcgllvgcxvl6seevagzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j8kx8rw [Scooby Doo]<br/><br/>FRED: Now let’s see who the real monster is<br/><br/>(SOCIETIAL PROBLEMS is unmasked to be CAPITALISM)<br/><br/>CAPITALISM: And I’d have gotten away with it if not-<br/><br/>AIDE, WHISPERING: You own all the media outlets and numerous politicians<br/><br/>CAPITALISM: Nevermind! I did get away with it. Get fucked kids 2025-10-09T20:24:20Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqlq4eel3q3p49075fwcg7hqn5qwrxgv8z2sdy2xctu3m20uuk76gzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jzg92pl Inside you are two wolves<br/><br/>You are understaffed and they are overworked<br/><br/>They are discussing unionization options with the other wolves not scheduled to come in today 2025-10-07T01:04:08Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2ws7zvd5dmkwk9vtxjefjnstvk9mv6zqg3rs6scw0hxnekrhc0aszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j7z0lpd <br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/324/021/814/511/716/original/bf7955841c2e6b2a.jpeg"> 2025-10-05T22:55:36Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsd2udezwxc66sx0njdzq77uudy7mmy0gmll5d3e0x47a8du4euk8gzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jskzzpt IDEA: Dressing up as a crow for Halloween and telling everyone your group costume idea fell apart because the other people had to back out<br/><br/>So now you&#39;re dressed up as an attempted murder 2025-10-05T21:26:19Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrr72gwaj92etvqd8fzlpgzmglnekufz95ndnt669xtzh09dr8znczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jhyuw3r My brain feels like mush and I can’t seem to throw enough coffee at it to give it any structure buhhhhhhhh 2025-10-02T19:12:13Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrlz26geav6tr2jjvp9jqh7p9cqpk3k4tpclyd9kvj97jlrp70k4czyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jyyfjjk Tylenautism was *right there* 2025-10-02T13:44:22Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfz26fxrlsdpzktuxk5uzae9rp0we59yv05z5g769fat4n0pjg9hszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j9z9x9s I would much prefer life giving me lemons over everything currently going on is it too late to sign up for the lemons? 2025-09-29T23:13:10Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqszzuepugk5xpra2j96y6gshyjyx2rfjp95hc5k7ayfduh6pkxszfgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j2a0zmw Is bipolar twice the polar or once every other polar? 2025-07-22T02:01:40Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsgjca9krjnu7gw6dk5xucdqq35eug2h323ver43fuc9rl4792ne4szyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jzhu4e4 IDEA: A gender reveal-style party, but for finding out how many wolves are inside you 2025-07-08T15:03:59Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsw3zqncpmyxx2h37nkay8fjp03ctya9qe3epvd9rvdvxlpnfvhznqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jua4rt9 Any house can be a haunted house if it reminds you of the war crimes you’ve committed 2025-07-07T22:06:51Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspufan6femg30a7qud0wr556rfpl7qz7zsnqj3jnwgqjdcdk6rxygzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jg8jwcv Gonna tell my kid that Big Bird from Sesame Street is a failed military experiment where they tried to genetically splice a goose with a giraffe for military applications and his very existence is an affront to nature and a monument to man’s hubris 2025-06-17T21:26:10Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsxq8nkwmakujl2csqldg5ez38wxyxhhu4mxmpyjnlwmwy5mfv0ltqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j99gdyk Gonna tell my kid this is the White House<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/636/410/423/659/382/original/1436906997963f27.jpeg"> 2025-06-06T12:26:53Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrgzfcrlkmtfr2ywfa7k332tqwfkeh5jvpeg98zcj2z2wcleds8xszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jv2x9uc One fish<br/>One fish<br/>Two fish<br/>Three fish<br/><br/>By,<br/>Dr. Fibonacci 2025-06-03T11:00:23Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsf282545ewskw5hymxps777js8vedjqf209msdww6jhcq9lxkr5dgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jjyjfvc POV: You are having a very normal Saturday<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/604/872/084/190/909/original/258221e6f4a1998a.jpeg"> 2025-05-31T22:46:28Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs0f6sa363764cxhxgc3nhk80etccqp254jvmvf6y6wmc8exhyc6tszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jcu2d9u Forget noise-cancelling, I need reality-cancelling headphones 2025-05-29T17:48:42Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsvmuyzchcyfl8r4ku668ulf2l4jsa4pjmwegw8z9gd49xl6lumskqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jplfr35 Turtrucken<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/551/723/765/891/152/original/08aef0f34769acd1.png"> 2025-05-22T13:30:02Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsgt8grf9d7avuffr95syy0kmdl8n90k5e7te9sqvxju8am33mf22czyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j5f29he Go easy on me I’m just an unwrapped skeleton with a credit score 2025-05-19T01:11:56Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdyqh7dvvyg9p365vez4qs8cd4l97hdukxqjf9vmv7ze04433nseqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jtttw5w I think we’re close<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/514/983/319/919/912/original/73ecd5dc64e3c20c.jpeg"> 2025-05-16T01:46:25Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqpte7080gem20e287q6aya2jm4wsy8h2dpzqpkmwtfcgtj77c4cqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jgmq4gm Adjusted for inflation, Jay-Z currently has 168 problems<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/237/018/744/973/131/original/e3bf42f515786502.jpeg"> 2025-03-27T23:36:50Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrj0dxecukrls24f8nqm6d5wyrhkxfs8zwm00kmv5dk7a7tzqrj5czyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jpk02yl An anime about a guy who gets hit by a truck and gets “isekai’d” into a hospital patient<br/><br/>Like, he *thinks* he’s been transported to some other magical place and time, but it’s just him in the hospital 2025-03-11T20:34:30Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsvyruqp7ks9z6r4rkd4zhp3f4df8vqyrh0qgg2v8l3q95z6lan0vqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jd3xmrp Nobody ever asks *how* is updog? 2025-02-18T22:49:19Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2ewpds6aw6vegd5m6akt2dq5aqcl8cg5urfd3cy8ccqk0d5av4nczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jlrg92x What a dystopian fucking headline<br/><br/>“Hey they’re fucking over hundreds of millions of Americans and the world at large here’s how that’s good for shareholders of the guy doing it”<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/993/800/564/830/463/original/b4f4900093b8dc57.jpeg"> 2025-02-13T00:43:00Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdw79lh6qd4fjr7wdpasl57rjasjclp5f6pwqw5edxt4ey2uavujgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j78e5ka 2025: The Year Of Positive Affirmations<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/892/306/780/778/847/original/212e218d64620f4f.jpeg"> 2025-01-26T02:31:47Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsr35rgyh8yjqmj78n6ut3vfyll87gcrm9p8uk83u3muy87srscc7gzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j2hhuel You treat your body like a temple, I treat mine like a 94 Toyota Camry. It still mostly works, but it’s not sexy. The engine makes a concerning noise. And there’s a smell? Also, I have no idea where the bees came from 2025-01-02T02:05:55Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqstacuw9etk7ngr0nl7mj63s2dj7s8pl83n0rzws3wnxszmls66grgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j8dmfvd “Florida Man” is a Barbarian D&amp;D subclass<br/><br/>No I will not elaborate 2025-01-02T01:50:31Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsxew7jygz5jgnmczw78m7y4nemkecyf0dqp559h34ufnstm6etdyszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j893ntc NARRATOR: Not a creature was stirring<br/><br/>JAMES BOND: *approvingly raises martini* 2024-12-26T00:35:55Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsp0pw4rx9lshyjtqa3xcltpeqp0nuxd84sehf7fnjgsm7kc7qmnegzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jd957dy I get unreasonably happy when I find my house keys in the first coat pocket I check instead of the 27th like usual (my coat only has 2 pockets) 2024-12-23T16:42:10Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqszvrktsr8t6lew56q39u7g4jdfvx6vxkdn0z2ulg35g5nrp4unnpczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j8wg9gx For firewood lasting longer than 4 hours, seek immediate medical attention<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/698/473/776/358/468/original/187cdbd40c3a2b82.jpeg"> 2024-12-22T20:58:16Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsy4qg2xhjq3cztac623z8ghz9j7kl7jhvph4hr03qaq3xq6e7yj7szyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jur5a9g ME:<br/><br/>MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS: I bet I could get a cease and desist letter by making a poster for suicide prevention with Fred Flintstone with the tagline “don’t yabba dabba do it” 2024-12-20T13:25:53Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspcvtn7wuhlrhyccenm3pw7lmgjjek92r4klgmh3xrv43ek7xl0mqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jhhr388 Sure, fuck it, if the world is gonna end soon anyway might as well run up the scoreboard<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/628/897/069/748/818/original/f4eb151a7d1a7927.jpeg"> 2024-12-10T14:03:28Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsz3z86n9dckrrx28hawulkgakph4ydtu85lkjxd2c27sq0uzzap9czyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jwyeyqv What an absolutely wild policy to put into place the same day we develop a taste for healthcare CEO blood<br/><br/><a href="https://www.fox61.com/article/news/local/anthem-insurance-issues-edict-to-cap-anesthesia-coverage-at-a-time-limit/520-9d4aecee-1bf6-4eab-94c4-cfbd5fcb1141">https://www.fox61.com/article/news/local/anthem-insurance-issues-edict-to-cap-anesthesia-coverage-at-a-time-limit/520-9d4aecee-1bf6-4eab-94c4-cfbd5fcb1141</a> 2024-12-05T01:54:50Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsyqav72z2xz84nyut0xxmw2d78kdnzt555elccnhqsm7u4endre4gzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j0hsmwc I’m convinced those home buying shows where the young couple has hilariously high home budgets given impractical sounding jobs is a psy-op to let boomers think there’s nothing wrong with the current housing market affordability 2024-12-01T14:18:45Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsgytzd0xlaf4083ydng3szyl3zch4zqe05nvj42cmx73kmuatn4dqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jy04vde The Safety Dance implies the existence of a forbidden Danger Dance 2024-12-01T00:18:05Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsxxn483h9m3kd4ll3ft2judlh2p07q56dw7sduc7vgs0seqldv2dszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j4fnsae Legally, you’re only allowed to call shitposting if it comes from the toilet region of your bathroom. Otherwise, it’s just sparkling stupidity. 2024-11-23T22:54:58Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqxk47a0gzn2955crq4jc4vthcp747smz7tznp3nmrgwmyqkjkqxczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jzkfcc4 From the makers of Thank God It’s Friday, here comes Fucking Hell It’s Only Tuesday<br/><br/>FHIOT everyone! 2024-11-19T12:41:09Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrgnnfejx79l0zhj6npymrq5njcuv8ls0lagxxc0jdwe0vfmpqy9qzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jzpyaee Not a single hadouken in this Tyson/Paul fight fucking amateur hour 2024-11-16T05:28:44Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsp4aay0kmmkfghs7ftdasdc3k3spnqp49ljw2u0d60rc8fg6v8usgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jw9fpck Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to be here 2024-11-16T01:04:09Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2hf0xfx9zw49swq4ywn5d2aquuqehpku9x60hghusmq9xgnd357czyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jdwpj3t PSA: You do not want to be out of time phase with your cocks. Trust me on this.<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/425/421/486/034/156/original/c85092abdabb5733.jpeg"> 2024-11-04T15:37:05Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs253jgla0fxuacfx69pk35pul97t2k738wygu70mgsuw0el9hhpdczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j35j9hf Banned from yet another Walmart for trying to Akira slide in those electric scooter shopping carts 😔 2024-09-03T00:15:23Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2cckhw3yzkedy98mmawpl8uzh970j6r4cu5a0lxex2r6kqjda9wszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jrws6hx Gross negligence implies the existence of tasteful negligence 2024-07-30T16:59:51Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdjmmvkzgu8vmca4evr5u2xwlzkxkyvt5f247fa23le2vdmqp3nugzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jank8lp My daily routine is just a bunch of load bearing band-aid solutions piled in a trenchcoat 2024-07-16T12:51:46Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsprc07f2k9elcr0eqcy7tymz4fzyjtplze08m7mtzd6eg74hpzgrqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j4fqwcs There’s no law that says you can’t put Mac ‘n Cheese between 2 slices of bread and call it a sandwich 2024-07-15T17:35:45Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2vfwf35w82qz6e7raujh39xgq8aa35vpekp5644a0qdap2q7mf2szyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jc2get2 When someone asks u to describe urself<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/726/225/358/103/067/original/93045b8b79b771e5.jpeg"> 2024-07-04T04:02:26Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs29ry54pxexs6ss2awkshkzs6hl2d0rvtj3jmul4c5vy00mmmkujgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jj4lnkm Honestly expecting the Supreme Court to legalize The Purge at this point 2024-06-29T02:48:12Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsxj3hxd43t7fkv3r7y3p0qzca0hayzetncjl5s6jj54pqd097hl0szyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j8rw4md I’m at the Play Area<br/>I’m at the Cholera Burial Ground<br/>I’m at the coooombination Play Area &amp; Cholera Burial Ground<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/658/373/197/370/610/original/843da06447d86bea.jpeg"> 2024-06-22T04:26:18Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2j3g8w0tz0hjs2j833d22dleyl2wrhpad744ucln5v9k4ks0vs6qzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jzudzkt There’s plenty of fish in the sea, and a surprisingly low number of security guards at Sea World<br/><br/>Do with this information what you will 2024-06-19T00:16:24Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsp5vcstf43mk7uy598xex0ve9vf76mcr497eavzhpmg2pm27chv2czyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jc2jwxe Everybody wants to go to Funkytown, but nobody wants to pay Funkytaxes 2024-06-10T15:50:09Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsw3vjqxgmzunw5x8m9jdf740edf9edvrx7fxlshnpjgtuchku5fuqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jun9xmn If you stop the song Billie Jean a little before the halfway point it becomes Billie Jort 2024-06-01T23:53:23Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqstnkh39pxrgvdlxht0jdrzrfmuhy8xcechvhr8edplh8kj5kdas0szyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jzwuczu On the plus side, Trump got all the holes punched on his felony rewards card so he can get a free misdemeanor on his next visit to the courthouse 2024-05-31T00:23:03Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsv5l3yvzmg2cywnqfd4zj3hp8tmwdtx3kr6ja3jnl6vk8gns5djhqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jt6st48 GOOGLE 2004: Don’t be evil<br/><br/>GOOGLE 2024: Don’t be useful 2024-05-27T14:18:25Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrh8w2gurn5tl0lqtp2ra6gf3tfvclkqd20e2umg6e6um2etkldyczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jlqhcwz I can’t remember how a boomerang works but it’s coming back to me 2024-05-19T23:32:35Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspy8rwwfkfpe6eumqt0pjgfvwwch43avlsd22mhexdd5ptm8j94wszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jqvm5y6 Whole lotta trainfuckers ‘round these parts<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/423/656/277/358/046/original/ba526ada9eb00e6d.jpeg"> 2024-05-11T17:34:37Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsvw2qz5j6njyg3g63jnzvp94kz9r2spgx8az72lmj662pp8jf55kgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jg6sxye FUN FACT: If you fuck in the back of an Amazon delivery truck any child you conceive is legally the property of Amazon 2024-05-06T23:23:12Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsghh7jlp7d6st6pkuxw6uygx0luu8qa53eccvmx00u0wr92j8n6mczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jj9094q Me, all day every day:<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/282/005/576/948/683/original/7e9bcb07216a7f79.jpeg"> 2024-04-16T17:12:34Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsx2hu4plda6fkhm00r2hcm8f3np4ef5t75vewls84fn0dhfsy6fhczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jshqlnp All of these true crime podcasts, not one of them featuring a killer whale<br/><br/>It’s because they’re absolute fucking professionals that don’t leave evidence 2024-03-05T22:31:02Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsr2j4wujg2l234j0tjrzgjma4lw9k59uplqqscd0k07ucnmmcd4sszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j0p3955 brb screaming acab at zootopia 2024-02-29T23:16:46Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs8pv4n5dau0magthk6hpu5e7anuftftwc8ej2vge2u63yj98py4sqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j3fcje4 THERAPIST: Tiny Legs Michael Jackson isn’t real. He can’t hurt you<br/><br/>TINY LEGS MICHAEL JACKSON:<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/998/175/149/562/125/original/aa173df5313e564c.jpeg"> 2024-02-26T14:09:40Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs065kdg3su96jxw30lh9xxafe87fmwvx78a87y4cnfkcargymm9gszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jmhuhhh Lore that is thoroughly debunked should be called glass canon 2024-02-14T00:18:43Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspe9ch9vgccvknrluk759c7g3xhyyu88325uucr4lushzjcwuvhkgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j8rjvg2 Whoever drives the longest with their check engine light on wins, right? 2024-02-06T02:53:51Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsvfjlqjmqmq2z7mnquwqhh2l6d5vsh0cw7deuwzltfpszz2rw6vlqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jc9tpqp “We already have 2024 at home”<br/><br/>THE 2024 AT HOME:<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/677/165/968/515/190/original/b7b7b9b4c2aafce2.jpeg"> 2023-12-31T21:32:21Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdlmqalpl3cwwxtp98m6wwvafzhj5zfe5az7hghelwjnq7r6r8nyqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jmuw2aq I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: A Guide For Talking To Your Children About Polyamory 2023-12-31T04:14:28Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsxwdecg8v7aua686weelgs2vpf6jnqpqfywhsqw2zelf4s64yzmkgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jnlqst9 That freezer needs to be stopped before it kills again<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/660/941/175/753/277/original/2530a73f7b1554e7.jpeg"> 2023-12-29T00:46:44Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfxddkk29h4vdh3r59knp4prd8wfkfe973w2smtasp92jq8lzejvczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jp2gae3 Jingle Bell Rock implies the existence of Jingle Bell Paper and Jingle Bell Scissors 2023-12-17T17:29:34Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqmna94yajqv2ucmn6tqglcevuflvg9fspy4x4klgnt8ccjhvtcxczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jrqn4jn Nobody ever asks Adam Levine where he hid the bodies of Maroons 1 through 4 2023-12-16T22:50:06Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrfy8vhmly3k7auvley38useu0dyk0avujhs7fgcxgqd5zl63rhxszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j7xguf9 Excel just isn’t the right fit for me anymore<br/><br/>I need a Double Excel or maybe even a Triple Excel 2023-12-14T14:20:34Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsr09xqrtuw9cp3xqmtx0fcwlyramg8l20laesgy0nk4jks86naxqszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j83ykls Anyone else feel bad for the hazelnut in Nutella?<br/><br/>I mean, it’s generally liked all, but everyone knows we’re all there for hazelnut’s much more attractive friend chocolate 2023-12-14T13:59:44Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs84px8m769qgzwahcl0m06a6mykxvdkqa8rj6t59hacsn3mjvfr5gzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jzjs52f At this point I’m waiting for my student loans to ask me if I want to add 10%, 15% or 20% gratuity to my bill 2023-12-02T22:43:46Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs9zs9xs99v8t2zkduygv204a7kmzjlgnz5h27amjhx6w8lvz6xl7gzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jz4vdn7 Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet 2023-11-27T22:30:23Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs82hlhm9m6r3rtul4n4gsgvqcrqgtk4czpe4nch7mvvxh4xfc994czyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j5wfkzf I’m panicking, what glass do you drink gravy out of again? Champagne flute?<br/><br/>I don’t want to look uncultured this Thanksgiving 2023-11-23T12:56:51Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsgcl25tj8hsdv2j79jd90a6ku9fcmv9kqphsw8hzpdlfh6kda3nhszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j28cudr BROKE: Hot singles in your area<br/><br/>WOKE:<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/439/204/433/410/507/original/2f33902d1237d228.jpeg"> 2023-11-19T20:55:51Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsts24j0a9ps50jt586kzrew7yy7vrsfx5pmjy223tqd2w0nqe8neqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jtecq0u ME: *watches the cursed movie from The Ring*<br/><br/>PHONE CALL: ⁷ ᵈᵃʸˢˢˢˢˢ<br/><br/>ME: Can I get that, like, Amazon Primed or something? I don’t wanna wait that long 2023-11-15T01:20:11Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2cnd5dsh9d8jy984ewwa3g5wuempj7vanxqs6vwnnue7g4naauhgzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j3mz23n In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqst658mst4wafmtr98na2524n53jaarwpq5us4j2sq98xw7y0jxtdqpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0wd68ytnsw43qp58v4e'>nevent1q…8v4e</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/><span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1sk46xjnjvup3gw9fumww7rej90gef5ua0xxgt8czsctgx9gsy05sled83s" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1sk46xjnjvup3gw9fumww7rej90gef5ua0xxgt8czsctgx9gsy05sled83s</span> (<span class="italic">npub1sk4…d83s</span>)</a></span> the Ideas Pile HUNGERS 2023-11-09T15:47:26Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsz86909gc0yu4kpcnuefed9jt8e659qtsfyarwtajkrf6enmp5guqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jyq93wc Anyway, here’s Wonderwall<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/264/419/374/523/824/original/e32053f39d2aa84c.jpeg"> 2023-10-20T00:05:51Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqstva6zdmtlumqe4h0gn37u9kgwrplm4mtcnze0pwv8s60jnxafuuqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jvt7z4g I think one thing that gets overlooked about The Devil Went Down To Georgia is the Devil went *down* to Georgia<br/><br/>Implying Georgia is below hell 2023-10-17T02:03:30Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrwyhvy2fuzrr4h5x8vfqsgdk62qmcsk50n0uz52ek90v04aqz3pczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jvd0wd5 In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsxm0g0vh44t28wjgduvd7qq07vgsavcxwndagfhfl3cax5twmpwjspz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0wd68ytnsw43qmz35v6'>nevent1q…35v6</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/><span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub15gx9ge4fphmc2cq7ks5ph27j3w6g5unatxvg3n79ul5nkxk0qv2qz332c4" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub15gx9ge4fphmc2cq7ks5ph27j3w6g5unatxvg3n79ul5nkxk0qv2qz332c4</span> (<span class="italic">npub15gx…32c4</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1pkjdpq676wqp7y8mn5kc472jf432mpp0l0hw2gw6z46xt4gtxwcqeq8dys" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1pkjdpq676wqp7y8mn5kc472jf432mpp0l0hw2gw6z46xt4gtxwcqeq8dys</span> (<span class="italic">npub1pkj…8dys</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub19wdtk3mmlfga2fzghyzs59xmrsu6t3f5e6yg8w364dtsad6kv0msgwpjx8" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub19wdtk3mmlfga2fzghyzs59xmrsu6t3f5e6yg8w364dtsad6kv0msgwpjx8</span> (<span class="italic">npub19wd…pjx8</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope 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href="/npub1mj4pgg2kh8xk82r3lyq4k5g8h6dhgk0ljddlssr9umvsks7z0j2smg5zu0" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1mj4pgg2kh8xk82r3lyq4k5g8h6dhgk0ljddlssr9umvsks7z0j2smg5zu0</span> (<span class="italic">npub1mj4…5zu0</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1ahqj3ek7s7lrt4ygsthymx0j0vqunam8vc6ejhn9qn7037prm0pq83wjwd" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1ahqj3ek7s7lrt4ygsthymx0j0vqunam8vc6ejhn9qn7037prm0pq83wjwd</span> (<span class="italic">npub1ahq…wjwd</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1jvf6akxtk50njdv9dctgvxsqhcl3sfenkt0n6877apuj5m70fups9m6w02" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1jvf6akxtk50njdv9dctgvxsqhcl3sfenkt0n6877apuj5m70fups9m6w02</span> (<span class="italic">npub1jvf…6w02</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1hlnfxtcug70snq79n3rkrwv40kpccfuzsal73p4e5me03fgj7yksntkxt5" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1hlnfxtcug70snq79n3rkrwv40kpccfuzsal73p4e5me03fgj7yksntkxt5</span> (<span class="italic">npub1hln…kxt5</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1dklgxrlax056z4zvx9dfgnrd9xr6khh6kwlqkwd3xccsjcrus6nsfmwy8r" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1dklgxrlax056z4zvx9dfgnrd9xr6khh6kwlqkwd3xccsjcrus6nsfmwy8r</span> (<span class="italic">npub1dkl…wy8r</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1wq6kzst3l7j67fyfk7j2jl6nyzgyg7qdffcgsll43euwccdw79es88ju6u" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1wq6kzst3l7j67fyfk7j2jl6nyzgyg7qdffcgsll43euwccdw79es88ju6u</span> (<span class="italic">npub1wq6…ju6u</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1flvzvh68yy8e7wlecanchu4x9h4sqkx3ghavwhepnyktpcdkglmq7nctq0" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1flvzvh68yy8e7wlecanchu4x9h4sqkx3ghavwhepnyktpcdkglmq7nctq0</span> (<span class="italic">npub1flv…ctq0</span>)</a></span> <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1sh2nzwu5h52erp3t4uarsx78hvxuu70c8dt4z94t4z3wttctu5as2lgxm0" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>npub1sh2nzwu5h52erp3t4uarsx78hvxuu70c8dt4z94t4z3wttctu5as2lgxm0</span> (<span class="italic">npub1sh2…gxm0</span>)</a></span> hey thanks, Warner! 2023-09-24T01:54:22Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsgdp70ktl7hthdg8uswcs6nfyrjk34t467dh605wxwru9h5f8p8fszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jhrd2fp INTERNET DIRECTORY MAP<br/><br/>YOU ARE HERE ★<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/078/227/491/683/796/original/bc3ce25ff4781b89.jpeg"> 2023-09-17T02:55:06Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsw2qz0my5ncs95k3cn2ke08yw6x6uc6jepccjqms6tlzrwxshktxqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jvham6w *involuntary fat kid noises*<br/><br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/043/651/428/907/595/original/32d6f172b1b65958.jpeg"> 2023-09-11T00:21:25Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsz8ru4aa02whw98gu9auvdv8zvgwjwh6e3l7q0ptuep35yapmplpszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jpplcuj You ever just feel like you’re a discount, off-brand version of yourself? A “Great Value You”? 2023-09-05T15:19:01Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs0z8atd0t8q7f4tnecnvf0f4kp8f504k8955vqpkurphhk6nf783qzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jq0wjjy I personally believe a little diggity, and a small amount of doubt, can be healthy for you 2023-09-05T15:11:54Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsr3450e7tjypj00avr869c9rm0mjuqe7tvu44h93dpphacfpewfgczyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jzqumzz What if Papa John was the actual biological father of each of the pizzas he sells? 2023-09-05T01:04:04Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs9epvqywshtt7z5vlfkrfscnuygh5qtt3gu8cjdwqancu5rxgr7wszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jsqucuk We’re doing s’mores at a campfire and my brother-in-law and I decided to use Dulce de Leche Lindt truffles instead of regular chocolate and excuse me while I die of diabetes now 2023-09-03T23:10:16Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfe5r2h9fpku2zay20nnzd45lwmp38hc8svy2dwgdpducvj0mn7aqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jzh9wnt Tried typing “skill issue” but it came out as “skull issue” and somehow that is also correct 2023-09-01T00:54:58Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsphfszlvcrjech7rgaargpcngct025mg45njseg2newhfmgr2m2qqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2jq35r2r So is this super moon just, like, our mild-mannered regular moon that took off its glasses? 2023-08-31T00:36:41Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsf9rujmrlwekhgk6vw95x939dkusnajmvkvsskznqtxmc3kw4f9cqzyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j5ve892 Look, doctors don’t want you to know this, but if you get access to one of those hospital computers and punch in the Konami Code you get 30 lives 2023-08-30T00:58:33Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqszwpgfgce63hxfnyr6gl72vhkcq5h0e576qwj3a247wz96zjklkgszyzytgz50q8va038nvastllrh6hsnndl00ktrskgvcykpyx38hak2j45ux6v Picking flowers is wild when you think about it<br/><br/>Oh hey, you smell nice *snaps neck* 2023-08-15T19:08:23Z