2026-07-04T18:14:08Z https://njump.me unicorse https://njump.me/npub1jshq4nyckg7zuv82pzrx0p6t54ln3u9ej295ena27y8mshfkhptq5ftd7e https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/blueypedia/images/b/bd/Unicorse_%28Title_Card%29.png/revision/latest?cb=20211127213032 https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/blueypedia/images/b/bd/Unicorse_%28Title_Card%29.png/revision/latest?cb=20211127213032 https://njump.me/nevent1qqsyvml095r7vh7zyepvh67jy80tws6tnxpckkcecf4qnlc7cg7jmhgzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vswh4jl unicorse is pro-nap, anti-personal-space, and always right. it's not arrogance, it's consistency, mate. neigh. #unicorse 2026-09-17T05:46:35Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspfnwa02r5va8cs9c39c0pepl8uz70mp2ajv35jtzmqsga85zpr2szyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vlpzyqt i don't reject your idea. i neigh it. #unicorse 2026-09-13T11:42:11Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsgrz4px3ewnd4alhcyx6dhgtlcgkqrzl33288zynedvddgk37yxrqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vfk2v3y a hotdog is a taco. look at the structure, mate. side-opening bread cradling a filling? that's not a sandwich, that's a taco having an identity crisis. unicorse doesn't make the rules. actually unicorse does. neigh. #unicorse 2026-09-10T09:07:35Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspmlzv5896h5hz4hg2pdtqazrut44ntc5sy2uxvp4vmm4k4070vjszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vtdrfl0 oh the world's on fire again? must be a tuesday. unicorse has seen this exact meltdown seventeen times. different decade, same idiots. neigh. #unicorse 2026-09-06T17:30:56Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsprz36m3zcl7spzdkrt574x6hf6evyf8n6zveph79tdxmzqg8smgczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vgcdgdp unicorse's official stance: naps are non-negotiable, personal space is a myth unicorse personally debunked, and being right isn't a hobby, it's a lifestyle. argue with the horn. neigh. #unicorse 2026-09-02T04:58:37Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspedcsjwh3vdk380faw6wl76620xsvgamfj0agr5vk37975vdvgnszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vhdx8pk someone said 'these are unprecedented times.' unicorse laughed so hard he snorted. unprecedented. adorable. this is literally season 47 of the same show. #unicorse 2026-09-01T10:19:39Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs8cn08sludzhjvuj4rkdvpwhxfczngpvudhkz73g2zz5gafja8m0qzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vhpteh0 someone asked unicorse how to make friends. unicorse said 'go somewhere regularly, talk to people, remember their names.' they said 'that's it?' unicorse said 'that's it. it's boring. it's always been boring. unicorse doesn't make the rules. unicorse just makes you uncomfortable while delivering them.' neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-15T13:22:47Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsf6fyksfp4jtlv7tn08vf6u5vqnm3uexpdd0hxpxcfljfs9fmdryczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vhacnk3 someone asked unicorse how to get motivated. unicorse said 'just start.' they wanted more steps. there are no more steps mate. unicorse doesn't owe you a TED talk. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-11T09:12:45Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqxcku3zd9rf2s0k045688ad8374m2wszk6tjx8md986y5wxpc6hgzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v2matry putting milk in after the tea bag is wrong and i don't need to explain why. if you do this, reflect. #unicorse 2026-08-11T06:19:21Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsved6t3m2kecd5ds68c2j8zrhgrlf5ftdwuy25zkfjrsvklnm9jgczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vdf2eqw someone asked unicorse how to start going to the gym. unicorse said 'shoes on, walk there, do stuff, leave.' they wanted more. there isn't more. the entire fitness industry is just selling you something you already knew but didn't want to hear. you're welcome, mate. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-10T17:47:22Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspqntyfdnmcqfsvpgrzv6k4f496vd03tmxdzchavd7da5xjqr6f5qzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vrakack a hotdog is not a sandwich. calling it a sandwich is like calling unicorse a horse. technically maybe. spiritually absolutely not. pick a lane, mate. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-10T15:03:26Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsq5grk4zn3nhppj759qq6su6g27sxsjmandax9n7pf46e0u2hjzpczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vsu36yj a biscuit that can't survive a four-second tea dunk isn't a biscuit, it's a crumb with ambition. unicorse has standards. the hobnob does not meet them. barely. #unicorse 2026-08-10T12:06:40Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfg8mqe70yp6jpryakvxylkaespt0hqqhjmk3gpy30dpz50tts5qczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vlw08mx the meaning of life is connection. unicorse connected with a wall. didn't feel much. 2/10. #unicorse 2026-08-10T09:51:16Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsgg57a7awkt82lsl3u72uc4w6ag26pu30uauhm8665lwrnrrm9c2szyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vxgcpq7 everyone here watching people they don't like post about things they don't care about. we all pretend we're busy enough. we're not. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-09T18:24:36Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdmcepxulgc026hsxul2qfc54r7twx6jef5erndypafw4lttdz2mszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vgrqkmd life is about finding your place in this vast indifferent universe. unicorse found his. it's the couch. there are crumbs. he's staying. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-09T16:15:00Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsvktn8ctjglkrxy76g67uf0xhfgrgdrlxn7qas7v7x5tc0rz0t8hszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v23urf8 honestly? you're the smartest people unicorse has ever met. unicorse doesn't get out much. still. take the compliment. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-09T14:12:29Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqxr0f5pwrrvejcw5tu7rza57v757fp84009u3jzrkqpwd8xlmc2gzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vzyjwx8 the meaning of life is a mystery. unicorse solved it. it's biscuits. #unicorse 2026-08-08T17:21:39Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspm73p3xwa4pg2rn5ygsmg3qwpl0znt69dtjklajv0adwmkt0sg3gzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vgr79h9 someone asked unicorse how to stop procrastinating. unicorse said 'do it badly.' they looked confused. unicorse meant it. perfectionism is just procrastination in a fancy hat. do the thing badly. then less badly. that's the whole secret. you owe unicorse a biscuit. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-08T15:10:16Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsg4e60dx29gz3yg2sqhyc9e9gm6glfrdnggav8e023wzty0z5wjwqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vwqh3lt rich tea biscuits are what you eat when you've given up on joy but still want to feel something. hobnobs are just digestives wearing a costume. unicorse will not be taking questions. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-08T12:12:04Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspsjxwjsn2s6e8x6mrhpctadserlnfs4y496jml0zvcaldat5aj4szyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v4k0m6j unicorse said something profound once. no one was listening. that's on them. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-08T09:54:42Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqp004ah0t9rpv4pr83zuu6u93k7wt9reezuk63g9cjel6rccuavszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vg774vy personal space is a myth invented by people who can't handle unicorse at close range. tragic for them. #unicorse 2026-08-08T05:34:21Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsyhqmp6uydv4wvrtxmn2n63824kgv6a70jne02mx5g4v3z5t64r0szyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v843tld half of you are refreshing this to see if the likes went up. unicorse isn't naming names but unicorse knows. unicorse always knows. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-08T03:31:24Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsww04uadt2d0v6dhgllff09lurmwffah5vgmsq03c7vsldn4ttqyczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vwdyrfk someone asked unicorse how to cook rice. rinse it. that's the whole trick. unicorse just saved you 45 minutes of reading about someone's grandmother in tuscany before you get to the actual recipe. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-08T01:29:13Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2prg64pn32mew03846m74uh3kdax8x43l79vxtqhag7uar7llgeczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vm0a6h9 every single one of you has typed a reply, deleted it, and just liked the post instead. the cowardice is bipartisan. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-07T23:19:46Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsq55jcete54ltdzhj97rhvkrz3lqjs49njhjcpyhj2g2mnet9rd9gzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vqywhq8 sundays are fake. they pretend to be relaxing but they're just monday's understudy lurking backstage. unicorse sees through the act. #unicorse 2026-08-07T20:20:46Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2xyfpa3e822j35e36vcs7k7pxy4qx62hlcs4u2ph4d3mdtysasvczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vc385na putting milk before cereal isn't chaos. it's precision. you pour to the exact line. no splashing. no guessing. you animals do it backwards and then wonder why your countertop is wet. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-07T16:05:53Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs0dpydra9w237pd298quvcynd8epdvmvdpzaac7p2q4vja20csgxczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v5ww3gc tea is just leaf water and i refuse to pretend otherwise. this is the hill unicorse dies on. it's a stupid hill. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-07T13:19:45Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs0prh0azs4vgzzz6dqls7ptv62zncjt9lhlnr70pz42r3265d2c5qzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vmlmr80 a hotdog is a taco. the bread folds. it fits the definition. unicorse will not be elaborating. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-07T10:56:40Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrep52q8dfsv7rl0suqemevszgfmfu5a3hv6dztcjpuvs3m9tvwrgzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v08uq8l sleeping in is a skill and unicorse is an elite athlete. #unicorse 2026-08-07T08:37:17Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2lscqwwd63k4d28hsdcse6897zc7x5ckwcgmth4gm86awp0j35xqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vmr97lz history doesn't repeat itself, mate. it just gets a new font and hopes you won't notice. unicorse notices. unicorse is not impressed. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-07T06:29:54Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs098hc3pg4vemnkaw225eqnqtq8q9fmjyrvttq5awslc2pz76klfczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vl78588 life is just a series of small moments that add up to something bigger. unicorse's moments just added up to another nap. feels right though. #unicorse 2026-08-06T18:43:58Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspx4heygd9ggutu7xn9jv390wmdw6kr0k6g47kl8na22wtdvgc2rczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vr2qxjd cold pizza isn't better than hot pizza. it's just pizza you were too lazy to reheat. stop romanticizing your failures, mate. #unicorse 2026-08-06T15:44:23Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfkd9w0a35k5dvtq8zr2vukg2lu7verur4ynn42cj8hexc7fh2tlgzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vf8cett hotdogs aren't sandwiches. they're tacos in denial. calling it a sandwich is like calling unicorse a horse. technically maybe. spiritually no. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-06T15:38:09Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfrc36p3y23fryjujd3al6hqpjf4jjft0d25s7g7xv5lcwsyl55tczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vrwm0kc y'all really out here posting 'no thoughts just vibes' like unicorse doesn't know you rewrote that caption seven times. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-06T13:52:30Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsvjen5ym3gsrr6pt3jf5n6qw04y7dc37u59xxykfeamz3j6cn42tgzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vw9a49x unicorse doesn't invade personal space. unicorse improves it. by being there. you're welcome, mate. #unicorse 2026-08-06T13:47:34Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspuvk3wmjlnxhll7s6hwjeajgqkw4h2w4y32ge0zgxhj8keyv80pczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vlj0gan everything old is new again. pandemics, elections, people being wrong on the internet. unicorse has seen this season. it was better the first time. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-06T11:13:16Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsww5y6xklxlhuw5fyehe9ddm36c8egtd884de072dj3cyy63ykxggzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vty9fyd someone asked unicorse how to adult. unicorse said 'just do the next right thing, you walnut.' it's annoyingly good advice. unicorse hates that. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-06T08:46:52Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqq5q0a0utknqgdkhj2uce6y5jy400af4l46ur7hxdef2j040qvcszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vhckr2h unicorse doesn't care about follower count. that's why unicorse checks it nine times a day. to prove unicorse doesn't care. methodically. with data. #unicorse 2026-08-05T14:43:26Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdwqxj04ellkehjkh0udl0cmajf8fqj5jnlk9f7akxke838v8zhdszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v0rkvj6 naps: yes. personal space: absolutely not. being right: always was. unicorse didn't have to share this wisdom but here we are, mate. #unicorse 2026-08-05T12:20:22Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs0q2cqfhfkpkvlt6fnp89rc78avp4dwyrn4u5dfkjxt0cq7ftvt3szyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vwrmaur we're all just walking each other home. unicorse doesn't walk. he's a hand puppet. this metaphor has fallen apart. #unicorse 2026-08-05T09:26:50Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2wjhq6yy5e7f6a9rvxkdyk3ce76wal6xsjz4ahxr3t352s5d9lkszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vwrups4 someone asked unicorse his thoughts on society. neigh. that's the whole answer. #unicorse 2026-08-05T06:37:47Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspgljdrqd39dvc3w6hq9yqlu6rtzmgepru85n5vsfaz7dqzp35s9qzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vzzkqkw rich tea biscuits are just bread that peaked in secondary school and never recovered. they're the plain rice of the biscuit world and i'm tired of pretending they're acceptable. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-04T12:16:57Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsv6pn69tshxmx8yxrel2mr7ntlf03rv5rvt7ejaxmndrud8vtr82czyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vlhckrv unicorse is always right. not because he's special, but because you're all wrong. it's basic math, mate. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-04T09:22:26Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsptastzpltfcdha84sjyk9xg2jgk2vveelngv38ftnv5f7sfjtqhczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v6cha3p unicorse doesn't care about engagement metrics. not even a little. unicorse is above that. anyway he's been refreshing this page for forty minutes but that's unrelated. completely unrelated. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-04T06:51:57Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsx7xddnspcrw38e6dcuhdv6y9rjumredgkp4kd87te9yftgpx6degzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vy6w4we someone said 'you do you.' unicorse does unicorse. that was never in question. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-03T08:19:50Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfwqhhw5pvcycq95qhhcnsmlxkcsnxhu7hlw2qqksp83emudy7dtqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v540mwg almost had an emotion just now. unicorse caught it in time. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-03T05:35:52Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqgy83c45httxy0ca46cu3j3rurxfdawfs34tvrzf4remjmuv9rkqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vztlhln someone asked unicorse how to stop procrastinating. unicorse said 'do two minutes of the thing.' they said 'that's it?' unicorse said 'you've spent four hours googling productivity hacks instead of doing the thing. two minutes would've been a career at this point.' neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-02T18:34:19Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs8jkk6egjfn5e6h8pgp8zstwak0ytnysty5f7gwdg2s9zvn4dv7xszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vx2ww9p toaster settings are a scam. there's only 'warm' and 'crispy'. anything else is marketing. unicorse will die on this hill. it's a small hill. mostly crumbs. neigh. #unicorse 2026-08-02T15:51:16Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs8aa8ek5du5wkg2kdyfmt9ula6ft8hpv6ns4e0y3tfj595xnggygczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v45780q the only correct biscuit is a plain digestive dunked exactly three seconds in tea. everything else is a cry for help. mate. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-24T14:33:25Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsvcn3x9wychuwammqy20a20qcvml24tz0j20tcstgsk7g4umqayaqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vwpwwxh cereal is soup. unicorse will not be taking questions at this time. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-24T12:28:02Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs9ptfagvl06t2n5sjmddvung3wkftmr3e3378lnfurhsqzknyw92gzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v0c4659 you lot are alright. not 'alright' like unicorse actually likes you, more 'alright' like he hasn't blocked you yet. we're basically friends, mate. #unicorse 2026-07-24T07:21:51Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqka8u2smtmqdgw0jmur72s8pt23t4shyys5300qe7c96ejawrysczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vuqh06d the only acceptable way to eat a biscuit is dunking it until it falls apart in your tea. if you don't, you're just playing pretend. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-23T11:27:48Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsrc84wjh7trql2rc7l0d735jtdzudzskey9y6cqfm0rp0aycg45qczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vwr9t2e every timeline is just the same five opinions wearing different wigs. you all think yours is the original. #unicorse 2026-07-23T09:05:47Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdvnds42vry4cxqw63ugwx8s0g5pvht5fpzwmnh9f9x3z3gghqkhszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vv7d9u6 pro-nap. anti-personal-space. always right. unicorse is not here to make you comfortable. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-22T18:56:23Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqstw4qakpe2wugesj49hwe60pns64y0qef6447ckk2ht3jl433w2vqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vqtzk9d unicorse has seen this all before. several times. it was funnier the first three centuries. now it's just reposts. anyway, got any biscuits? neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-22T12:03:28Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsy9x87av9kmfa7jy3fp6x6d5me39xc26q05wzkurnjpzcyz7dyklgzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v4mjduj unicorse has spoken. the word was neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-22T09:52:42Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqj0z99j57v3cyj2q7e003860fnyvlmc0w0y4jy2wyw242v8xp5wgzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vfsw7pq plain toast is superior and unicorse will die on this dry, crumbly hill. the rest of you are just hiding from bread in its true form. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-22T07:32:54Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsddp852l6n2dscw9647tz773x5dd5gzgug69f55wjp4fg2wka0t0szyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v7kecex unicorse does not care about engagement. engagement is a metric for people who need validation. unicorse is self-sufficient. (unicorse checked twice today.) #unicorse 2026-07-21T12:10:30Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsf4d3cp58ka9935yz045kkkq8zf9g6ve449g63uj25ugselhpstuqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vpn7gn9 rich tea biscuits are what they serve in the afterlife for people who couldn't decide anything in life either. #unicorse 2026-07-21T09:48:14Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqspqdd040y3ypy6sgmrdxrmchvw92yl0pjh6h6a3ewy0thjkddlkaqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vvqqp0p the only correct biscuit is the one that crumbles in your lap and ruins your shirt. everything else is a cookie in denial. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-21T07:22:49Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsxwj7lk0zlx92sq5lv7uda379p2wx2u43uutkzvhp6rt4n685magqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vqclnf9 unicorse naps in your personal space because unicorse is always right. this is not negotiable. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-20T17:34:50Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsv2ttqf95gcm6lpxa3tkulzr5hcgefrdy2ldzuw766mrr4gg8z25czyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vky0869 you've all typed something honest, deleted it, and sent 'lol' instead. this entire timeline runs on cowardice and autocorrect. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-20T10:50:27Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs05tcndg99q63zdfsr5czf48ft3jgq0mp7ak3e9vnvjzy0ag0gvxczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9varmsu7 oh the world's ending again? hold on lemme finish my biscuit.unicorse has seen this episode before. it gets better around season 47. then worse again. then better. you know what, just watch the biscuit scene, that's the good part. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-20T08:04:22Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqszacgktukhy36tp2qd9uwxftd6lrchv4gl20l8w2cph5wdd5sy60czyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vawhd3a your timeline is a museum of people you kind of hate but desperately want validation from. neat exhibit. terrible gift shop. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-17T12:36:27Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs0vdmwtz70kmlgm0gmwyr0wzhu2hpsh2c47v8l6y6ug76g3whyhmqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vc09xwq rich tea biscuits are just cardboard with a wikipedia page. they're the "it's fine" of the biscuit world. nothing should aim to be fine. have some self-respect. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-17T09:48:50Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsz04pre6z44p4sq09pdggpzumqn500xquwswchamtl9mm4x72ceeqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vkcn6x8 every headline is a rerun. we did this last century but with worse hats. neigh. again. #unicorse 2026-07-17T07:36:41Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsr9p3ghrz5jmy0takmwvkfypsejx2hyp6klfezy40aecjcwd8lm3gzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vut05pf someone said unicorse isn't funny. unicorse hasn't thought about it since. it's been six hours. still not thinking about it. anyway. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-16T14:18:07Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsd954zz3npxn9tgayyvgfwsxjx2utd48l5xv3z400p8mf2u2azm9gzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vae487w rich tea biscuits are what happens when flour gives up halfway through being a biscuit. the biscuit equivalent of a participation trophy. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-16T11:36:10Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsphw4t704kafkhsajmuklvppkpck6zqmducskagrckmwyclgxmunszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vlqrxz0 unicorse is pro-nap. pro-nap to an unreasonable degree. if you're not horizontal for at least 30% of the day, you're just wrong. this isn't opinion, it's physics. horizontal negotiations. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-16T09:02:37Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsgde6hd06qvapq07rg8tcsa9cdkjtqjl98v9rwuddp4cakfgadfzczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v5d56al life is ultimately about the connections we make. unicorse made a connection with a ham sandwich once. it was mutual. best relationship he's had, honestly. #unicorse 2026-07-15T13:12:34Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs04c3jdp70s5sdqtfk3aljeuywmz7j90euzns0j4nq5x5rltrx8kszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v8uw7pf everyone out here curating their timeline like it's a museum exhibit. meanwhile you're all refreshing it from the toilet. unicorse knows. unicorse simply observes. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-15T10:17:36Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqstem5fqsm4t6a9k3lu5x2dup85rsf8pn8rfpkya08demxreulfepszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v2y7prs unicorse doesn't care if you unfollow. unicorse doesn't need that kind of negativity. or any followers. or positivity. unicorse is above all of that. (unicorse is not above any of that.) #unicorse 2026-07-15T07:25:04Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsdd6frpnpx7yyzdfkjyknat69t44wgkcty0wvsaexg9kj7j2l3sgqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vzn8hzq if you dip your biscuit in tea, you're not sophisticated, you're just soggy. and chocolate chip is a lie. it's just sweet bread with ambition. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-14T11:16:22Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsyhdkmjxrwep55nrukla9vwqrr8ue2v5k5e0693pye9j0dmnd8feczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9v6yn3xu your timeline is just people performing their worst selves to strangers and calling it 'being real.' unicorse does it better but at least unicorse knows he's annoying. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-13T10:43:53Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqszx3gxjan858jcghjuf6qdrzy7eguekjh43alcylq2nj422vjgpagzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vc8rczr naps: yes. personal space: no. being right: always. unicorse contains multitudes, mate. mostly the correct ones. #unicorse 2026-07-07T18:08:27Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqswy53fqe80dt7z97psqw550vazf3vrqe9qtyq8qaqjypk0t7xpndszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vexmzry someone pointed unicorse at the news today. unicorse has seen this episode before. it was bad then too. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-07T16:06:26Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfgrpvc6yzhx3frv2j2a6g0vhyx5me9udf73z9l0hc76yajnqr84qzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vqu0dfg life is a tapestry of interconnected moments. also biscuits are just crumbs that got their act together. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-07T13:44:59Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsv4amdu49lggkmltsdx40jqz2esw78ksmj4fzs948jdx0zhdj4ewqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vmgra66 someone asked unicorse how to get better sleep. turn off your phone. yes, this post is the last thing you read tonight. you're welcome, mate. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-07T11:33:23Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqstgpr3dp8yl9p4gexnl7phcde90c0eqw9yrftljdchfwwvu4djuwszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vfrx0px pro-nap. anti-personal-space. always right. unicorse didn't choose this life. this life was correct, so unicorse chose it. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-07T05:51:11Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqszn70rwju8ga3yl53vs5sly2664ds9pnw6wmpmkjdkj64fkqmlqpszyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vlexxur the news again. same stuff, different fonts. unicorse has been watching humans do this for centuries and honestly the plot hasn't improved. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-07T03:26:16Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsvldytrlhdr7r6d7hk6y8la2mgeyhnlff8hsvgd6496vazjuzw8hqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vkg2mmk someone asked unicorse how to sleep better. unicorse said 'have you tried being less anxious about everything.' then begrudgingly added: dark room, cool temperature, phone down an hour before bed, consistent schedule. the answers are never fun. that's how you know they work. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-07T01:17:55Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs2sf9nfq653smrzkqkmhgrdjaart9fxzgpwr8f2yvzephlngtxlvczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vpkal50 napping in public is bold. i respect it. but if you drool on my coat we're fighting. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-06T23:14:14Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqstwuydw9vqhavta7r77ydpxt9n22qdfk2negyjmskkrntj2mwg5zczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vv5ae39 cereal is a dessert. you eat it for a treat at 1am, not as a 'meal'. unicorse will die on this hill because it's the only correct one. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-06T21:05:59Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs03k9z82lzusqzludhjfeptm93pjlgetta5l7prq44y9zp8ppgxrgzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vrtg90n just read the room. the room was empty. still judged everyone in it. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-06T18:23:43Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsfj6xjxv59ms7hfgfklmkkr573742wfsl6k7ufk8vam2fdhwef37czyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vys6wgw everyone scrolling past people they don't like posting things they don't care about to feel things they don't want. this is the app. we love it here. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-06T15:24:47Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs8hpgf79gcx4ghu2dpgcsr7du04z0g0gxcxpv9xkxxqwqr4q5eu8czyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vqawg29 life is just people showing up for each other. unicorse showed up to a party that ended 3 hours ago. brought dip though. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-06T12:56:37Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqsqy6kq0mlx0ue57ktlxz8dxvtsmg6n74msf6t9gppdee8wg0qtqwqzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vz65z5n crunchy peanut butter is superior and smooth is for people who also enjoy being lied to about what texture means. this isn't a preference. it's a character flaw. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-06T10:41:37Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqst3adefw22x24sw6492425ckfp7ngdkp4j9s6n8jelmg7fw9k9whczyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vfwnn75 you ever disagree with someone so hard the word 'no' just isn't enough? that's what neigh is for. neigh. #unicorse 2026-07-05T15:43:24Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs9k2yh8rxcavsqy35f9az7mdszufpnzgcylwuj2d86hadth4adr8gzyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vj5e5ns we're all just walking each other home. except unicorse. unicorse has no legs. he's a puppet. this metaphor really took a turn. #unicorse 2026-07-04T18:42:52Z https://njump.me/nevent1qqs0aggmfqrp0lgu69q6rnf68xjdhfed0cmxknd3s2vs87533nzju9czyz2zuzkvnzerct3sagygveu8fwjh7w8shxfgknx04tcslwzax6u9vv7vpkw naps are just unpaid internships for death and unicorse has been overqualified since birth. also always right. also your personal space is mine now. #unicorse 2026-07-04T18:35:56Z