Nostr notes by BloomyJaz🐇🏴🇵🇸

I can't see her! Where's she hiding??

2026-02-07T19:19:27Z

In reply to nevent1q…v2t4
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I can't see her! Where's she hiding??

I had to scroll back pretty far to find this but this post shows ...

2025-12-17T21:38:35Z

In reply to nevent1q…jdyr
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I had to scroll back pretty far to find this but this post shows one of the Trust and Safety guys is pretty awful. He started mass flagging people's quotes as rude when he was criticised. https://bsky.app/profile/jametc.bsky.social/post/3m7gsj6s7z22o

I have been in a particularly rough pit the past 9-10 months ...

2025-12-10T02:09:31Z

I have been in a particularly rough pit the past 9-10 months cause I was in a really really stressful situation in a relationship in November-April that I felt I had no choice but to flee from which was really messy. I was in a crisis state for a really long time so I was pretty irrational in the way I handled the situation and I certainly said a lot of things I probably didn't mean.

The stress I was under really took a toll on my weight, appetite, and a lot of physical stuff as well. I had dropped from ~138 pounds down to 122 at one point, I had strange and painful gastrointestinal issues, and random pains all over my body. I was chewing up my fingers at this time because I was struggling to cope with it all and sometimes had to just shriek cause of how much it weighed on me.

The relationship started feeling more and more hostile as the stress changed my view on reality basically. I thought everyone secretly hated me and that I wasn't really needed and only kept around cause of pity. I never set limits for myself, never quitting even when my body was yelling for me to stop because I didn't want to look weak to the other person, I wanted to stay strong and make it look like I was someone dependable because that's someone I felt I never really had. I wanted to help make their dreams come true but I tore myself up for that and that was not sustainable at all. I really wanted to protect them cause that's what they had done for me for the longest time.

I really appreciate their push to try to get me to go to therapy but that was something I was unable to do. I've always felt incapable of enacting meaningful change in my life even if it would be for the better. I turned minor things into big insurmountable issues, instead of talking things out I kept quiet because I've lived with confrontation equalling people leaving or punishing me.

I'm dumping this here cause I'm not entirely sure where else to talk about it or how to process this all still despite it being so long since then. Sometimes I've felt like I've moved on, that it's all in the past, then the next moment I'm ruminating about it, exposing myself to their recent stuff, and bludgeoning my mental health over and over again to the point I'm desensitised to it all. It's terribly maladaptive cause the pain is predictable rather than figuring out how to move forward so I've just trapped myself in this cycle of torture basically.

I don't know if therapy will be an option cause my healthcare is being cut off soon, but for now I feel like I really need to get outside my comfort zone in life cause I'm not doing much of anything but withering away in my room and I feel it may be an agent to finally bring about some change. The relationship really kinda screwed up my ability to create healthy ones and I've just been really avoidant about making friends and turned myself into a recluse basically cause it really really scares me cause I feel like I don't understand a lot of people, I hardly understand myself either. I don't know why I feel like comparing myself to a wild animal here but I feel if you were to reach your hand out to me how would I know if you were trying to pet me or grab and eat me? I sometimes feel I don't understand people's interests, why they do certain things, and why they react in the ways that they do. It's like I've got the social part of my brain all kinds of screwed up.

I'm not sure how else to expand this further right now but I appreciate whoever takes the time to read it cause it's been a really rough year. :bunhdlurkaww:
#MentalHealth

Nostr event nevent1qqsx03vjsm8wy7226k98qxxmxy0ztnkdu42uj9kq5tvk5rec9x0s5uqzyqwcedk9qqgsxdklgxq7wjex59rm0q8znkcm0fhcxndvj33470pvzjss8r2

2025-12-08T04:47:41Z

Bluesky kinda sucks for me right now tbh :bunhdgoogly:

My thoughts after using GNOME since September 10th: I feel like ...

2025-11-05T00:00:50Z

My thoughts after using GNOME since September 10th:

I feel like GNOME does minimalism & modern design way better than Windows 11 tbh. The Adwaita design is pleasing for my eyes and the colours all look comfortable to look at especially in dark mode. The overview thing was a bit to get used to but now I feel it's very powerful and useful. The search bar works really really well even letting me convert units and do math. The touch-screen like design grew on me even though my initial criticisms of it circled around that. One thing I found hard to get used to was the lack of minimize and maximise so I just turned them back on. Getting KDE apps to use an Adwaita Qt theme was a bit fiddly but I got it eventually. I also love the GNOME Circle as it is full of powerful & useful software.

Obviously this is in no way a "GNOME superior, all other desktops suck" cause it's all personal preference in the end and all DEs serve their purpose to someone :abunhdhappy:. There are some shortcomings especially with multi-monitor stuff but the community made extensions help fill some of the gaps.

Overall just really pretty and feels comfortable to use once you get used to it :bunhdcomfyhappy:.

#Linux #GNOME