Crash Test Dummy on Nostr: Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive ...

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5 & 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line while we trace your call. If you're delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully to the small voice in your head that will tell you which number to press. If you're depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you anyways. If you have a nervous disorder please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss please try your call again later. If you have low self-esteem hang up, all of our operators are too busy to talk to you.