npub1zh…ggdq0 on Nostr: he's on day five of a bebido bender. on the bright side, he hasn't talked about ...

he's on day five of a bebido bender.

on the bright side, he hasn't talked about Israel in days. a former IDF soldier who can't look me in the eye since the night I made him jealous on purpose.

I thought he fucked a big Italian woman on his birthday after I left the bar and walked home alone. I didn't want to see them flirting. she's kinda gross and messy. his *actual* type, I guess.

he didn't do it, but might as well have.

next morning, a polish man enters the scene and falls in love almost instantly. that night, we all go out to dance and there's some major chemistry. I get a little revenge - two can play that game amirite.

the soldier is big mad. he looks like an Israeli version of the artist formerly known as Prince. when we have a minute alone, he kisses me, and says that if I do that one more time he won't kiss me ever again.

we sit in a bathtub at 3am, very drunk, and he holds me while I sob about our miscommunication. the drama's been unfolding for days as he can't quite stomach that other men love me.

he doesn't want a relationship. fuck my life.

next day, I go on a date with the polish man, who won't stop fixating on some imaginary future we might have together. we drunkenly said we'd get married in exactly one year the night before, but I hate him now.

I return to this drunk Israeli man, who's so happy that I didn't fuck the polish guy. the dude was boring AF under the harsh light of sobriety. the Israeli's a complex and complicated disaster. do I love him??

it's not really a secret, but all the other men are agitated now. the setting isn't exactly right for normal interactions anyway and I guess that's what makes it exciting and also really cringe.

I can't believe I give two fucks about a guy who only eats kosher hot dogs and frozen pizza. he raised a son well into adulthood but he's like a teenager himself, self-obsessed and erratic. I enjoy his stories about being a dad.

for like four days straight all he ate was kosher cacao powder straight out of a can, so I started making him fried rice. he felt like I was mothering him. he complained about my overuse of butter.

I stopped cooking for him altogether. now he hates that other men cook for me and buy me food. the fuck is wrong with that??? saw me playing my Nintendo Switch during work and said he *hates* that I play video games.

fuck his life.

obviously, all of this is besides the point and occuring in an alternate reality. I'm not here to fall in love with a guy who writes down his credit card numbers in a notebook and swears he isn't a gigolo.

tbh, I already forgot why I came here at all. the Latino locals at the cafe next door think he's trash. he won't even go over there to ask for ice. they want to rescue me from him like in West Side Story.

it's not funny, but he thinks being a Jew is like a prophylactic for unwanted scrutiny. I want to do a serious background check on him. he's probably not a bad person, just messed up in the head from a couple wars.

I know these types well and I swore to myself that I'd never get involved with one. God and the Devil are raging inside of him. I'd rather not get in the middle of that. he's just so frail and so staunch about everything.

I'm pretty sure love will break him.

it's over, I think.