It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything significant online and I do believe that an update is in order. Two years ago I plunged myself into the abyss—the sphere known as daath, or death, in the Qabalistic Tree of Life (oh the irony!). While I preserved a daily magickal journal as any novice is instructed to do, it was during the last stage of Daath that I completely abandoned writing altogether as I merged with the utter blackness of Lucifuge. Fortunately, the dark night of my soul is over (for the time being) as I transit from womb-man in her hermit stage to woman of the world. The puns and idioms are as endless as the wonders of sound and spoken word. I shall do my best to transcribe what occurred during my “leap of faith” into the dark night of my soul.
I suppose an introduction is necessary for those who do and don’t know me on a personal level. In January of 2022, I initiated myself into magick by reading Crowley’s Liber Serpentine. To be honest, I was less concerned with the tree of life which I believed I had mastered over thirty years of practicing the Buddhist and Sufi mysticism or so called “Butler Jihad.” Yet Butler Jihad is where I had seemingly plateaued on my gnostic path and all signs were pointing me towards Kosmic gnosis, Crowley and the sphere of Daath. So being the risk taker that I am, I invoked chronozon sometime in March 2022 and literally plunged myself into the chaos current known as Daath, the abyss, i.e. the dark night of the soul. I quickly discovered a dark feminine undercurrent known as Kaos Babalon within the chaotic 156 frequency. Kaos Babalon was anything but kind and merciful as she refined and retuned my solar plexus and melted my mutable mind.
During the first stage of Daath (there are three altogether hence 333 Chronozon frequency), the first dissolution of my ego occurred over a period of approximately 15 days after which I lost any prior insecurities or frivolities concerning my persona prior to Daath. The needy and clingy child emerged from the first state of chaos as a venomous vixen and I procured a daemonic beauty and a creative impulse demonstrated in my selfies and writings posted in several Facebook groups. I was documenting my ascent (or descent) into the depths of my very being and it was both exhausting and exhilarating. (Mind you there were bouts of mania followed by an oppressive depression which leads me to the second stage of the “dark night of the soul.” This lasted longer than the first stage (approximately a year or so)).
I was aware that my neuroses had to be conquered if I was to truly pass through Daath, yet I was still holding onto the illusion that I had transcended my depression a long time ago, namely in my late adolescence when I had become a bodhisattva and in my mid thirties when I had had a midlife crisis. I thought I had purged my crestfallen disposition in Christianity and that my self actalualization had occurred in Islam. I believed that I had conquered the internet trolls in the Poet Freaks website in 2015 via trickster reverse psychology. Essentially I had been riding a wave from 2015 onwards and nothing could have stopped me except Daath, where any preconceived notions of self or past become obsolete as mind and self awareness become more and more dissolved in the second stage of chronozon. I still retained some of my spiritual powers of insight and intuition during this point however any idea of self had completely dissipated and only raw emotion remained. I was no longer the cool and composed Christina as I became Etidorpha XI—a clandestine scarlet woman.
I was able to make sense of what was happening as I observed my former self as nothing but a projection of my mind. This was precisely the breakthrough moment when the spell was broken and the dissolution ceased as I regained a new and improved sense of self. I began to manifest at will and my astral powers increased tenfold. I was riding the tiger once again and experiencing the peak of my writing and selfie spree. I was Aphrodite in the flesh and I named myself my magickal name: Etidorpha XI. I became master magus and scarlet concubine reveling as my kundalini propelled in all directions: the centrifugal force of any dark priest’s compass. I communed and embodied the spirits of the Underworld as I ascended the spheres of Daath.
Then a form of shock therapy brought me back to my knees during the last and final stage of Daath which I mistakingly believed I had traversed during the previous second stage. I became less concerned with form or formalities as I abandoned my old thought patterns and became more concerned with function and results. By this time I was acquainted with chaos magick and I had the world at my fingertips as I flowed n synchronicity and in key; little did I know that Lucifuge was waiting around the corner for my final dissolution in chronozon. It was THE make it or break it moment. with Lucifuge: to persevere or be irrevocably obliterated in the absence of light and complete nothingness of being. Herein my spiritual powers left me, my sense of self and ambition were gone, any and all creative impulse abandoned me, i.e I was depleted and was vibrating on zero frequency. Everything I had believed to be true and all that I had acquired in my life thus far seemed trivial and obsolete as I painfully shed my snake skin and emerged anew.
I became the one and none. After the 3-4 month spell in the final stage of chronozon had broken, I was able to love and make peace with that which hated and despised for no duality existed post Lucifuge. My former anxiety and depression dissolved like salt in water. Now I can hear my inner self like never before. (There’s some regression as zero frequency can be so retrograding to the senses. My kundalini rising has resulted in some neurological damage to my shoulder as dormant phantasms have surfaced from my bowels and into my skeletal system. I plan on healing myself and am using visualization and yoga as a means. Back to square one as they say when one finds himself back on Malkuth all over again! (All is Mind, or is there more than meets the eye? )
I have never had a teacher on this path nor am I looking for one. Through self initiation I progress more and more. Oh teacher of Soul, teach so that thy Crone may know!
