Not my name on Nostr: I realized something today. I always thought I posted stuff here because I wanted to ...

I realized something today.

I always thought I posted stuff here because I wanted to expose my core beliefs to wider criticism, in the hopes that any gaps in my reasoning would be revealed. I’m not a fan of dogma, and so any core beliefs I have must always be subjected to stress testing.

While this is still the case, I also realized that I post stuff here because I feel pretty guilty. I feel guilty that my life is so unbelievably pleasant by comparison to others. And yes, I realize the immense arrogance of this statement, but it’s nonetheless accurate and a weird state to find oneself in. Put differently, the arrogance of this post is necessary to but not the point I’m trying to make. I don’t care to make anyone feel envy.

That said, my life for several years now has involved the near constant pursuit and state of joy. By making only a few decisions off the typical human path, I feel as though I have beaten the game of life with plenty of time to spare. I am wealthy, have no material worry, a brain that has served me very well, and a body that functions pretty damn well also. I care not for hope, meaning, or purpose. I have found several sources of joy that are infinite and don’t harm myself or anyone else. I’m just perfectly content and it seems immensely unfair.

So sure, I do post stuff here to further my personal growth and hopefully find stuff I’m wrong about. But the guilt drives me also.

I suppose any zealot feels like they have “the one true recipe” for a perfect life but that’s not what I’m saying. I just feel bad that more people don’t get to experience this via whatever path works for them.

Anyway, that’s it for my Sunday confession.

#grownostr
#thinkdangerously