I started on Sunday but only practiced 3 times.
the first day was strange. I tried to record that but that was very hard for me because it brought to light what I tried to hide from myself for so long: the appearance of my body. it was so hard to see that I was worried about that, I felt so shallow. but that's what happened.
I practiced again only on the day 3. I think I was afraid to face that thoughts and worries. I was not ok with that. but during the practice I started to accept the thoughts and let them go a few times. and I could pay attention to the movements of my body, to my strength, to the process instead of the result. and I started to write about it that day.
later I couldn't find the time when I was alone to do that. because handstand for me was like something so intimate.
the next day was today. I was almost skipping today's practice, but I looked in the mirror and decided not to record, but to see my practice in the mirror. my daughter and my son was around so I couldn't really pay so much attention to my thoughts, but I felt like something changed within me, cause I was ok with them seen my practice. and when that ended we had an amazing time together. ❤️
the practice is taking me to what I tried not to face: the surface of my body, the lines that bring it to material life, what I can see of my body. to face my body's appearance and to look at it with resting eyes is my challenge for now I guess.
pollyanna
npub1fcy…9c3g
2024-06-01 01:41:23
in reply to nevent1q…yjgf
Author Public Key
npub1fcyg7vy876n7wztuuhl8lkyyaszdm3576mxaxlz4ugq0waztz7fqzh9c3gSeen on
wss://relay.noswhere.comPublished at
2024-06-01 01:41:23Event JSON
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"content": "I started on Sunday but only practiced 3 times.\n\nthe first day was strange. I tried to record that but that was very hard for me because it brought to light what I tried to hide from myself for so long: the appearance of my body. it was so hard to see that I was worried about that, I felt so shallow. but that's what happened.\n\nI practiced again only on the day 3. I think I was afraid to face that thoughts and worries. I was not ok with that. but during the practice I started to accept the thoughts and let them go a few times. and I could pay attention to the movements of my body, to my strength, to the process instead of the result. and I started to write about it that day.\n\nlater I couldn't find the time when I was alone to do that. because handstand for me was like something so intimate.\n\nthe next day was today. I was almost skipping today's practice, but I looked in the mirror and decided not to record, but to see my practice in the mirror. my daughter and my son was around so I couldn't really pay so much attention to my thoughts, but I felt like something changed within me, cause I was ok with them seen my practice. and when that ended we had an amazing time together. ❤️\n\n\nthe practice is taking me to what I tried not to face: the surface of my body, the lines that bring it to material life, what I can see of my body. to face my body's appearance and to look at it with resting eyes is my challenge for now I guess. ",
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