Al Gorithm

Hello, I'm Ben

I'm a heady mix of a serious responsible grown up, and a stupid man-baby idiot with delusions of grandeur

I'm into #Food #LiveMusic #Films #SciFi #Books #Running #ParkRun and generally being #Outdoors

#Vegan #PlantBased
https://www.instagram.com/family.vegan.meals

hehimhis
#fedi23

Public Key

npub1ygsxn9nrvzgjdlp0fvgdj4k2t5p3mwj64dlmwapjwure37w83s8swynfsh

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqszygrfje3kpyfxlsh5kyxe2m996qcahfd2klahwse8wpucl8rccrcpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0wd68ytnsw43qwf6sl2

Publishing to

relay.mostr.pub

Author Public Key

npub1ygsxn9nrvzgjdlp0fvgdj4k2t5p3mwj64dlmwapjwure37w83s8swynfsh

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Last Notes

2024-08-20 10:36:09

Didn't even read the article. Just wanted to see images of a penguin on some scales and a camel eating a clipboard. Lovely stuff.
London Zoo animals take to scales for annual weigh-in
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cx28ve1zr9po

2024-08-07 12:48:52

I am also being deprived of billions of dollars worth of revenue
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cn47798gxx4o

2024-08-07 00:26:25

Kamala Harris is fucking KILLING it at this rally. I'm not a big fan of sledging in American politics, but I think she's just about keeping it on the right side of things.

2024-08-01 02:06:25

Very disrespectful to see people who are much younger than me doing significantly better than I am

2024-07-21 15:17:54

got out of bed
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/824/662/216/999/109/original/f40d2b67b906652c.mp4

2024-07-20 17:45:20

Popped to the shop. Wearing a baseball cap (which I don't normally do and might explain my behaviour). Walking out of the supermarket the security guard (who I am on nodding terms with) nodded at me and I said the following phrase I have never before uttered in the history of my entire life..........
Cheers boss
I'm apparently a cheers bosser now. How absolutely awful. Urgh. I'm so ashamed.

2024-07-16 18:12:30

- reply

The Road 2: there's no electric, boogaloo

2024-07-16 18:01:40

I know I'm well known here for my big out of the box science thinking and I don't want to rock the scientific community too hard, but I'm pretty sure Schrödinger was wrong about that cat - primarily because I don't understand it

2024-07-13 08:08:26

https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/777/667/048/894/397/original/7da5866f2052b26d.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/777/670/908/092/656/original/42a4e3d9166a3faf.jpg

2024-07-07 23:22:09

Marine Le Pens name famously means Marine the pen, which is good because she'll need to *DRAW* the curtains closed on her election campaign 😎

2024-07-01 21:57:58

Big news - Trish brough home some fancy spicy pickles

2024-06-27 08:56:53

80s toys that never were...
https://omg.blog/omg-the-80s-toys-that-never-were-but-could-be-maybe
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/687/260/129/645/642/original/9900ebf9afc3229a.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/687/260/990/019/486/original/8071f87d607a6f1b.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/687/261/347/688/471/original/199ae76af1f8dc61.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/687/261/569/179/646/original/5624bced1e00b4c9.jpg

2024-06-24 22:38:49

- reply

@npub1afz…wdvg
NO - YOU'RE CALLED GER-MAN-EE

2024-06-24 22:32:24

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@npub1afz…wdvg
Absolutely. Although at the moment it would just be the name of the country sang over and over again. Germany, Germany, Germany, GERMANY (I realise as I'm doing this, it's to the tune of Dr Who)

2024-06-21 13:50:08

- reply

@npub150l…r96e
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/654/453/283/292/066/original/af91b9137ad7babb.jpg

2024-06-16 09:53:00

Happy Fathers Day also to all who identify as a 'Daddy'

2024-06-14 23:29:02

TIL boobytrap spelled backwards is partyboob. Really makes you think.

2024-06-13 15:24:49

Weird to think your teeth are on their own journey. Just temporary little characters in your story.

2024-06-13 11:46:50

Indeed
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/608/546/211/307/776/original/dbcdbcd84f7a6eb2.jpg

2024-06-12 22:01:46

Walking to the shops and just seen 2 young teenage girls walking down the road struggling with a stolen traffic cone and laughing their ARSES off. Having a great time. Not drunk - just being idiots. I cannot tell you how happy that's made me.

2024-06-12 11:42:55

Gonna start making lentils cooler by shortening it to lents
Hey man, you want some lents?
Gettin' my lents on

2024-06-12 00:09:51

These toots were made for walkin'
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these toots are gonna walk all over you
(sorry)

2024-06-10 11:39:38

The only reason anyone gives a shit about the Olympic torch is the element of peril. Like - you're carrying it in a CANOE?! Are you MAD?!
I wonder if someone accidentally dropped the flame in 2012 on the way to the stadium and it went out and, although they quickly relit it before anyone noticed, it's that that's caused.... *all of this*.
Just some poor schmo releasing an ancient forgotten curse upon humanity because they were careless with the flame of the Gods.

2024-06-09 22:45:23

Just typed 'vegan cassoulet recipe' into my phone and Emmanuel Macron reached out through the screen and slapped me hard in the face

2024-06-09 19:46:19

My kids talking about my incredible hot takes on Mastodon
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/587/906/328/668/108/original/04518cfc0e22fd6d.jpg

2024-06-09 19:43:40

What hill will I die on?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/587/896/097/265/890/original/7d015be47f02547b.jpg

2024-06-08 20:26:39

Remember the song 'I'm Horny (Horny Horny Horny)'?
That played everywhere at the time like it was normal. Down the pub. In the shops. On the radio. In the car with the family.
Remarkable.

2024-06-08 16:45:26

It's a good job octopuses live in the sea - it'd be really fucked up if they could just fly about in air like this
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/581/532/686/479/023/original/08aa16e2501255eb.jpg

2024-06-08 14:56:32

DJ Battle
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/581/098/259/139/152/original/e68b0ebc54186f9b.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/581/099/177/349/623/original/5ad7bfede39b2fe7.jpg

2024-06-07 10:39:19

- reply

@npub1fgl…4jl4
Has he considered just drinking them all?

2024-06-07 09:03:10

Just scoffing at a stupid website suggesting stupid Fathers Day presents. Wondering why it's some kind of universal joke that you must buy Father's rubbish presents that are literally no use whatsoever. But I've somewhat undermined my own point with some of these..... (a Sonic the Hedgehog pizza cutter, golf sword and a vibrator, you say?......)
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/574/034/626/843/606/original/51105c442dc872ca.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/574/034/646/293/756/original/aed2d9dd8462209b.jpg

2024-06-03 17:54:19

Alexa, take me away from all of this

2024-06-03 12:55:15

I see all of the worst and most evil people in the world had a meeting, like an absolute cliche. Imagine Trump, Musk and Murdoch in the same room. Imagine what the combined smell would be.

2024-06-02 10:56:24

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Just my personal opinion, but I think 9 creme eggs is too many to have in your anus. I'd go as far as saying one is too many for me.

2024-06-02 10:50:34

The internet is a confusing place. I was looking for news stories about Mr Blobby, then I somehow fell down an INSANE rabbit-hole so that when my wife came in and asked what I'm doing because I'm supposed to be getting ready, I said to her the following..................
I'm trying to verify that the man who holds the record for inserting most creme eggs into his anus was eaten by a crocodile.
I hate the internet.
(It's 9!)

2024-06-01 08:50:23

Happy Pride Month all
:pride_heart:

2024-05-31 13:11:27

OK, I will give it to The Star, just this once
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/535/388/291/865/086/original/4ed7cc39385380fa.webp

2024-05-29 22:57:57

I think we're ready for Keanu to finally do Johnny Mnemonic 2

2024-05-28 16:53:28

I see the Pope's having another excellent one
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/519/281/064/947/437/original/95e9b041a90956e1.jpg

2024-05-28 16:17:24

Hanging out with my Mastodon buddies
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/519/134/485/657/636/original/d54165c3db972b29.jpg

2024-05-27 16:59:00

Before the heavens opened, we managed to take the six dogs out with / near my MiL with my BiL and SiLs. Lovely walk. Proper Bank Holidaying.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/513/636/078/926/787/original/325e5e69c05738ea.jpg

2024-05-27 09:55:30

Happy 60th birthday to Lenny Kravitz who I assume made a deal with a witch

2024-05-26 14:30:57

Among the many many other reasons to despise Elon Musk, is this absolutely idiotic notion that introducing as many humans as possible into an environment with finite resources is a good idea. What an absolute fucking imbecile. How deeply, deeply selfish to choose to do this rather than help people who already exist and are starving to death.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/may/25/american-pronatalists-malcolm-and-simone-collins

2024-05-25 12:25:55

People absolutely love to fave but not boost. Like they're saying hehe, sure big fella, I like what you're saying and now it's our little secret. Sssshhhh.

2024-05-25 03:11:49

Nipples 'gonna nip

2024-05-24 10:10:17

This is sort of fascinating and mad. There's now a millennial Saint in what appears to be a shellsuit, they're calling 'God's Influencer'...
https://www.rte.ie/news/world/2024/0524/1450972-carlo-acutis-vatican/
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/495/044/067/127/727/original/60d7b1b12ef862aa.jpg

2024-05-24 10:04:16

- reply

@npub1afz…wdvg
This is going to be in my head for the rest of the day now.

2024-05-22 17:20:30

Good luck out there everyone

2024-05-22 03:23:53

The 'e' in e-bikes / e-scooters stands for edible

2024-05-20 15:34:52

I must tell you this about me - I am an absolute fiend for apricot jam. They call me the Jam Man.
!!!
BEN....... JAM-IN! YES! I AM THE KING OF WORDS!

2024-05-19 17:40:26

I would also like to sincerely applaud everyone who's taken part in #fedivision2024. It takes serious balls to not only create something, but then make it available in a public forum. Even if the song you posted isn't to my particular tastes or doesn't win, you have my genuine respect and I think you're amazing.

2024-05-16 02:05:47

SUGAR EPISODE 6 WHAAAAAAAAT

2024-05-12 11:36:16

Ooh, I'd forgotten about this. Excellent. Love these films.
'28 Years Later' Set for 2025 Release Date
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/28-years-later-2025-release-date-1235896469/

2024-05-11 16:49:12

Seems a bit unfair that people for absolutely years have been having to take expensive holidays to remote and freezing countries to experience the Aurora Borealis, then it just gets released to the rest of the world for free.

2024-05-10 21:41:21

My youngest and friends are very much a nerd group. They are celebrating their sleepover with a million sweets and a competition to see who can name the most countries.
NEEEEEEEEEEEEERDS

2024-05-09 23:14:44

- reply

@npub1xsy…cevg
1

2024-05-09 23:14:11

Just ate some tomatoes as a snack like an absolute psychopath

2024-05-09 23:03:52

Watching Sugar. It's a bit dry, but I think I like it. Very Sam Spade-esque. It's cliché-heavy but somehow carries it off.

2024-05-08 21:51:55

I hope there's some government agency or shadowy cabal being forced to read all of my communications. Poor bastards.

2024-05-08 16:03:38

My posts are a tapestry of ideas, weaved together across time. A cohesive part of a wider narrative. Intellectual musings, apparently disparate, but when viewed from above come together like a magic eye of thought. Laser beam insight, getting to the heart of what it means to be truly human. But I realise sometimes when viewed in isolation without the context of the 'whole', some of my posts might come across as the idiotic ramblings of a deeply stupid and possibly dangerously unwell half-wit.

2024-05-06 23:40:56

- reply

@npub1e7p…nvup
I've been poppin' the antihistamines like a wild man

2024-05-06 23:03:05

I made a bit of a joke about this before but should I be worried that this bite seems to be spreading up my arm and feels like a radiator?
Edit - my wife's had a look and thinks it might be a horsefly? I won't subject you to other pics but I've got 4 of the bastards and they are pretty uncomfortable.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/396/163/908/593/430/original/ffdd9bf3bb67ce22.jpg

2024-05-03 16:28:38

I apologise in advance and don’t mean to offend anyone, but there’s an account called historyofart and I just have to say that 100 times out of 100 I’m going to read that as History O’Fart.

2024-05-02 21:15:36

It's quite funny to me that the cryopods in The Expanse are obviously car roof boxes
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/373/092/153/002/654/original/2fc93792186ad729.jpg

2024-05-02 00:58:24

I'm 45 years old and am still absolutely shocked when I hear a pop song and think.... Haaaaaang on. This song with its seemingly innocent lyrics is about SEX!

2024-05-01 18:35:01

Looks like the people at Lidl haven't seen an avocado before
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/366/795/506/027/807/original/ee1a095269cbe0fb.jpg

2024-05-01 12:28:34

I'm not saying that since I started going on about bees there has conspicuously been (bee-n) a lot of bee stories but you can't deny it is a weird coincidence (coincibeence)
Woman says finding 50,000 bees behind walls in toddler's bedroom was 'right out of Stranger Things'
https://news.sky.com/story/woman-says-finding-50-000-bees-behind-walls-in-toddlers-bedroom-was-right-out-of-stranger-things-13126264

2024-04-23 19:51:10

Sure, when you decide to make a batch of onion jam and think 'yeah, I'll use loads of these small organic ones - more the better', but then you have to peel and chop them. Why must bad things happen to good people.

2024-04-21 16:02:55

Losing my mind at these giant croissants / pain au chocolats
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/309/555/896/713/666/original/6521d003bedc1a8e.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/309/556/495/339/613/original/236ba8838338ef61.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/309/555/961/228/155/original/d6021a1d0ec1e6ce.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/309/556/003/204/346/original/8f9d6f50c863433c.jpg

2024-04-18 18:26:53

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@npub1xsy…cevg
Maybe the real marathons were the sandwiches we ate along the way

2024-04-18 18:16:30

Youngest has gone off to play badminton. Just chatting to the Dad taking them, who has run two marathons this year and talking about which other marathons he's planning. I've just eaten a sandwich made out of naan breads with pesto, salad cream, bolognese, mayonnaise and Frazzles, then half a tub of ice cream and now my tummy hurts.

2024-04-16 23:10:08

I've said this before but I try not to use a fave like a 'read receipt' but as a 'I liked that'. And sometimes people reply to things and I don't fave it and this is usually because I don't understand it (so please don't be offended) or because I hate what you said, or because I'm ambivalent, or a secret third option I haven't even thought of. And often I'm on autopilot and even I don't know. So this post was a massive waste of everyone's time. (send) x

2024-04-16 10:49:53

Beyond thrilled to have discovered this quote from Charles Darwin today.
"... I am very poorly today & very stupid & hate everybody & everything. One lives only to make blunders. I am going to write a little Book for Murray on orchids & today I hate them worse than everything..."
(Letter to Charles Lyell, 1 October 1861)

2024-04-09 21:40:49

I think probably one of the good things about Shōgun is that because it's in Japanese, you're required to not look at your phone at the same time as watching it, thus forcing you to engage. Perhaps all programmes (programs?) henceforth should be in Japanese (unless you speak Japanese, in which case a language you don't understand).

2024-04-08 21:30:10

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but the eclipse appears to have transformed you all into much sexier people

2024-04-08 21:13:31

Cleveland coming upto totality now. Go, Cleveland! Get some Moon!

2024-04-08 17:24:39

Look, does anyone want to just buy all of my data? Rather than going through all this rigmarole, spending billions on AI, looking for ways to catch me out or circumvent Data Protection laws. It's probably all out there anyway. Just shut down all of your expensive projects, slip me a couple of million pounds and I'll tell you anything you want to know. It'll save you a fortune. Straight from the source. Locally sourced, organic and artisanal data. Fairtrade data.

2024-04-08 15:03:53

None of your foreign fast music, thank you. Comin' over 'ere, being too fast or too slow.
Chechnya 'bans music that is too fast or too slow'
https://news.sky.com/story/chechnya-bans-music-that-is-too-fast-or-too-slow-13110266

2024-04-06 11:04:17

Need put hot bean juice in my face hole

2024-04-05 16:28:18

Just boosting all the boosts from @npub19fc…ay3c about an earthquake in Philadelphia / Boston!

2024-04-04 01:14:44

Genuinely don't understand why we don't treat racism like flat earthers or witch trials in 2024. I'm sometimes tempted to make jokes about racists because it's so silly, but realise it's an enormously charged subject for people who still experience it.

2024-04-03 13:38:38

I truly genuinely wish I didn't find fesshole so funny

2024-04-03 12:51:27

- reply

@npub150l…r96e
As someone who has just been through / is going through the process, would you like me to tell you about my experience (which may or may not help)? I'm in the UK.

2024-04-02 21:50:58

The funny thing about Edge of Tomorrow is that I have and will watch it over and over again

2024-04-01 18:29:53

- reply

@npub1xsy…cevg
I am team ketchup all the way and will straight up murder anyone I find enjoys mustard

2024-04-01 18:25:51

I love hats

2024-04-01 17:16:00

Drinking alcohol free beer to deal with my hangover. Feels weird somehow.

2024-04-01 13:57:21

Trying to be bright and breezy today despite feeling like I've hit by a runaway freight train
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/195/804/559/262/833/original/d8780867f2aceb1c.jpg

2024-03-31 17:38:45

- reply

@npub1xsy…cevg
I'M IN THE PRIME OF MY LIFE

2024-03-31 17:28:26

It's turning into a right LADS night now. I have bought crisps (come what may of the outcome of my earlier poll) and am making a chilli and some chips. We are apparently going to go to a pub then come back to play poker and one of my friends is bringing his decks. Our average age is probably about 50.

2024-03-28 08:35:09

I miss Game of Thrones
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/172/154/457/209/969/original/c26a890f5f8e13fb.mp4

2024-03-27 22:49:53

"We care about your privacy"
Geeeeeet fuuuuuuucked

2024-03-27 12:38:00

As everyone knows and will no doubt already be celebrating; today is Manatee Appreciation Day. So please be kind to the Manatee in your life. And if you, like me, *are* a Manatee... be kind to yourself. X
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/167/443/310/412/239/original/2b9dd07e436d078b.mp4

2024-03-27 10:22:33

Imagine a Borderlands-style choose your character game, but on Mastodon. My character would be a sort of fat aimless berskerer who has no idea what he's talking about but still won't shut up. Special skill?.... Distraction.

2024-03-26 23:50:26

Forbes should identify people by the level of crime they can pay to get away with. Like a rich list, but for crime. It would just be the same people, but framed from the perspective of crime. Perhaps it could list the crimes they've already paid to get away with but also potential crimes they could afford. A sort of aspirational list for them aswell.

2024-03-25 17:30:09

Of course Hawaiian lasagne already exists. I will not be deterred. I will think of another food to Hawaiianise.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/157/270/045/429/683/original/4cebad32b54efd56.jpg

2024-03-25 15:34:11

If you were to ask me what I thought mankinds greatest achievement was - since the dawn of the primordial ooze and encompassing all that ever was - I would say stand aside 'combustion engines' and 'suspension bridges', move over 'navigating the globe by sea and air' and 'firing a dog at the moon or whatever', no figs given for 'endurance events', 'Olympian feats' or 'satellite communication networks'.
The answer has and will always be...... Bread.

2024-03-25 10:04:41

Sometimes I'll follow someone, not because of their posts, but because I think to myself (in a 1920s New York Bugsy Malone accent) 'You got moxie, kid! Real potential!'

2024-03-23 18:36:56

It annoys me in films when they 'science-up' an ordinary word. Like in Avatar when the humans were on Pandora to mine Unobtainium. Or in the new Matrix when Trinity is held in the area they create the anomalies called.... The Anomaleum. You can't just add an ium/eum to the end of things to make it a thing. Where do I keep my fruit? In the bananaeum. Oh I need to wash the floors, I'll use some of this floorium cleanium. IT'S STUPID.

2024-03-23 17:55:08

"People on Mastodon will boost anything if it's attributed to Carl Sagan"
- Carl Sagan, The Da Vinci Code