Alice McFlurry :bc:

Mostly one-liners at my own expense

Awkward AF

Midwest to West Coast

Please direct any and all complaints to the anthropomorphic hotdog that manages this account.

Pixelfed photos: Alice McPhotos (npub1xua…s88j)

♾️

Public Key

npub1383fm86uqshxv4rt9kf73l6huaccndd4mtxfj9y8jpcgd3alm6hshxuxga

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsgnc5anawqgtnx234jmylglat7wuvfkk6a4nyezjrequyxc7laatcpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0ds55npgp

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1383fm86uqshxv4rt9kf73l6huaccndd4mtxfj9y8jpcgd3alm6hshxuxga

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Last Notes

2026-04-11 22:05:43 GMT

I've noticed that a lot of people on mastodon write really insightful and informative posts and I'm over here posting every random thought that escapes from my head like it's 2003 livejournal which has made me wonder if I’m doing mastodon wrong, so will you please let me know?

2026-01-19 20:16:09 GMT

Went to some more museums and saw some more stuff.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/923/599/513/990/136/original/edf39b4cb6b20457.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/923/599/867/564/438/original/6a04fba0eca5c412.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/923/600/352/958/321/original/e41a96693263e19b.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/923/600/521/689/881/original/03cd9662685a63bf.jpeg

2026-01-18 15:35:39 GMT

It's Girl Scout cookie season, so here is a list of trans Girl Scouts you can buy from!
The list is long (yay!), but I'd recommend reading the bios and finding someone to support who hasn't already met their goal so we can help as many of them meet their goals as possible.
If you're overwhelmed by the list, this is my second year supporting Elvie and they're only at about 25% of their goal right now so I’m sure they'd appreciate your support!
https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/2026-trans-girl-scouts-to-order-cookies

2026-01-17 19:49:13 GMT

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Nooooo. OMG.

2026-01-17 19:44:40 GMT

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😂 wot. the. hell?

2026-01-17 16:38:47 GMT

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My weight fluctuates based on whether or not mozzarella sticks are in season and they are definitely in season right now, but I’m honestly totally okay with it!
As long as my annual physicals and lab results keep coming back saying my levels are normal, I’m going to continue enjoying my life and my mozzarella sticks, so I’m with you!

2026-01-17 15:27:28 GMT

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I’m okay with being a chubster! I had a skinny grandma and a chubby grandma and the skinny one was MEAN and the chubby one was silly and fun, so I always knew I wanted to grow up to be a chubby old lady.

2026-01-16 11:54:55 GMT

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Yesss! This means I've got enough storage for a couple of rounds of cancer!

2026-01-16 11:46:47 GMT

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Oh wait never mind this definitely isn't me because I've always been a cuddly little chubster, but everything else aligns because I’m usually wide awake after about five hours of sleep and I don't get tired throughout the day or need to take naps or anything like that, but I definitely do NOT have a fast metabolism. 😭
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/904/610/736/644/689/original/4abaac70f9f3a611.jpeg

2026-01-16 11:41:25 GMT

3:30am is the perfect time to be wide awake and self-diagnosing as a Super Sleeper.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sleep-newzzz/201104/could-you-be-a-super-sleeper/amp

2026-01-15 04:35:49 GMT

Whenever I leave a bar, I like to slam down my cash on the counter and say "welp, that school bus ain't gonna drive itself!"

2026-01-14 16:03:56 GMT

I just noticed that the last three photos that I posted to my Pixelfed account have all been of parking garages, but I can't help it they're all so pretty.
If you have any desire to look at photos of parking garages and other mundane stuff, you can do so at:
@npub1xua…s88j
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/894/297/213/851/481/original/6f1daa74913dfa20.jpeg

2026-01-14 05:18:09 GMT

Shoutout to my hair stylist for referring to my mass of grey hairs as my "natural highlights."

2026-01-13 06:28:09 GMT

As a person who was a child in the 1980s, I wonder how mid-twenties bartenders feel when they ask me for ID.
Do they feel like they're interacting with Thomas Edison's neighbor or the person who started World War I?

2026-01-13 05:28:20 GMT

I’m pretty mad at the "algorithm" with Siri or Alexa or whatever because I feel like I've whined enough about not being able to find a "cool" cocktail party dress and they're NOT LISTENING because they keep recommending weird Pretty Woman Halloween costumes or what I can only describe as RenFaire cosplay.

2026-01-11 21:11:38 GMT

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I forgot that I actually took a photo of a painting at the museum and I absolutely love it and I want everyone else to see it!
The World's Greatest Parking Lot by Ethel Greene.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/878/520/196/822/497/original/20fe0b599f524f25.jpeg

2026-01-11 17:25:36 GMT

Went to some museums and saw some stuff!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/877/631/203/977/381/original/34de9fe8744645d9.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/877/631/311/135/922/original/2b193d6443f4305b.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/877/631/396/847/604/original/2b233f6c732cfa66.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/877/631/471/824/457/original/5232c1beb8e10b9a.jpeg

2026-01-10 05:21:21 GMT

This apartment is located diagonally across from mine and I have been obsessed with it since the day I moved in because it seems really tidy and the bed is always made, but I have never seen anyone in it and I've been making up elaborate reasons for why I've never seen the occupants like they work opposite schedules or they're so short they don't even reach the window sill, but my husband just broke the news that I've been diligently monitoring a vacant model unit the entire time.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/869/121/242/398/879/original/4e8be90aa1e8bb75.jpeg

2026-01-07 17:26:42 GMT

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There's a ukulele on this list and I’m seriously contemplating it!

2026-01-07 17:22:21 GMT

My company awards point for things like work anniversaries and you can redeem those points for things like gift cards or random items and it's honestly a bizarre assortment of items with illogical point values, so it will be like...
Items available for 500 points:
5-piece luggage set
Hamster cage
Cheese grater
Virtual massage
(Okay, virtual massage is fake but there are a lot of virtual "experiences" on here that are like wahhhhhh?)
Anyway, I’m using this as an opportunity to terrify my husband about the things I may potentially be bringing into our household, like "It looks like I have enough points to get a hamster cage and a gift card to Petco!!! I wonder how many hamsters we can get for $100?"

2026-01-04 03:49:06 GMT

I can't help but feel like this peace sign is laughing at us.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/834/784/632/506/294/original/165eb66d58060ab1.jpeg

2026-01-03 20:06:57 GMT

A moment of silence as I realize not one but two of my neighbors drive Cybertrucks.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/832/967/349/766/326/original/313682b13c7f0b4b.jpeg

2026-01-02 05:32:48 GMT

I usually head to bed before my husband so I make him tuck me in like a burrito but then if I can't fall asleep I shout "microwave burrito explosion!" and then roll off the side of the bed while I wiggle around the carpeting leaving a trail of molten cheese in my wake.

2026-01-02 04:40:06 GMT

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I seriously just took this right now without even brushing my hair or trying to look remotely human because time is of the essence.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/823/660/598/752/529/original/316eea7b1b1f902c.jpeg

2026-01-02 04:30:11 GMT

I don’t want to brag, but did you see the VHS footage I uploaded showing how I crushed those other kids in the 3rd grade spelling bee?

2026-01-02 04:04:55 GMT

I bet the inventor of the gif pronounced TGIFridays as Tee-Jiff-Ride-Days.

2026-01-01 23:54:35 GMT

I like to make up nonsense sayings and then introduce them by starting with:
"It's like mama always said..."
For example:
It's like mama always said...
you can't slurp up the slop without papa's potion.

2025-12-31 19:03:01 GMT

I will scroll through 100+ items in an Internet search looking for written instructions before I'll ever even consider watching a 1-minute instructional video.

2025-12-31 18:07:32 GMT

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Yeah, I’m not sure, but I do think something is still behaving strangely.
(1) It doesn't show when I view from beige.party
(2) I haven't received any notifications about the photo even though I can see the likes, albeit only two of them 😂
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/815/510/895/739/153/original/d59136fa65b10afa.jpeg

2025-12-31 17:51:54 GMT

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I was able to post a photo, but I can only see the post when I’m on gram.social and can't see it if I try to view it via beige.party and the only people who have liked it are also on gram.social.
Is it possible we're currently in a gram.social bubble where the posts aren't making it out to the rest of the Fediverse?
Here's the photo/post for reference:
https://gram.social/p/Alice/912035350105879157
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/815/449/458/154/528/original/e3c205aeb7d9f9e9.jpeg

2025-12-31 16:02:55 GMT

I’m getting a Bad Gateway 502 error when I try to post to @npub1xua…s88j on Pixelfed and I’m not sure if it's something wrong on my end, or with gram.social, or with Pixelfed altogether.
Is anyone else having trouble?
@npub16pn…reup @npub1s20…twmm

2025-12-29 22:24:08 GMT

Saw some more cool art at the museum!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/805/194/958/460/495/original/6148ee5d96fa6c3f.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/805/195/154/408/900/original/c3a2a73f52548c52.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/805/195/289/548/880/original/0478330b6fb5dd26.jpeg

2025-12-27 04:03:13 GMT

I come from a long line of Photoshoppers/photo editors.
For reference, please see this masterful work of art my grandmother created by pasting a photo of my youngest uncle onto an older family photo.
(My mom is the adorable little girl on the right)
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/789/541/649/143/762/original/7b6614e91d9833a1.jpeg

2025-12-26 07:16:37 GMT

"AI isn't taking jobs! It's creating more work!"
You mean work cleaning up AI's messes?

2025-12-25 19:51:57 GMT

Apple's iOS has a new feature where it shows live progress of your travel/flight near the top of the screen so I apparently have 16 minutes until my plane crashes.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/781/947/515/244/722/original/4f8867d563262250.jpeg

2025-12-25 17:39:37 GMT

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Boosting this because Christmas always makes me think of my mom, but whenever this post goes around, I inevitably get people who are upset saying "not everyone had a good mom so don’t tell me what to do!"
I get it. I do.
If you had a bad mom, I hope you at least have someone who is good to you, so you can hug them instead, but please don’t come into the comments blasting me for trying to remind people to hug their moms because that's something I’m no longer able to do and I would give anything to be able to do that even once more.

2025-12-20 21:20:02 GMT

This commercial comes on occasionally and it creeps me out because the guy gives off Fyre Festival vibes and he's just staring at the camera, barely blinking, and speaking in a weird "dead" tone, but my favorite part is that they allocated a huge part of the screen to a QR code that's obscured by the little circular timer for the commercial, rendering it useless.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/753/982/425/903/126/original/437e27fa9c39bc74.jpeg

2025-12-19 15:47:03 GMT

18 years ago today, I was at work and my coworkers were talking about some YouTube video called "2 Girls 1 Cup" and they were like "you CAN'T watch it here, but you gotta look it up when you get home!"
After work, I decided to stop by 7-eleven to get two Slurpees so I could film my own version called "Two Cups One Girl" to try to trick people who were looking for the real video into watching my intentionally boring video instead.
I've still never seen the actual video, but here's the fake one:
https://youtu.be/P8WMLTyGNbY
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/747/010/760/180/240/original/01ffd461cc2c91dc.jpeg

2025-12-18 03:49:10 GMT

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Oh, no. Don’t worry. He will NOT hold up the line and will just cash out and wait all over again if we really do need to get something else. I just like to see the look on his face in the split second when he reads my terrible text message.

2025-12-18 03:43:34 GMT

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Kiiiind of. I think he sees the "babe" and starts by thinking I’m kidding but then he gets to a request to hold the line at a register and starts to panic.

2025-12-18 03:36:20 GMT

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Also, the biggest clue is that I would NEVER actually refer to him as "babe" unless I was joking.

2025-12-18 03:26:36 GMT

My husband and I both have pretty big anxiety about inconveniencing others and/or holding up lines, so sometimes I like to text stuff like this to him and then run around a corner and hide just to see how he reacts.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/738/436/895/842/692/original/fc68ac20b2448b27.jpeg

2025-12-16 21:19:05 GMT

I had a very old account with E*Trade and I wanted to close the account so I'd stop getting dumb emails about my $0 account, but I had no idea what my password was, so I clicked to reset the password and E*Trade said they'd send a verification code to my phone number, except the number on file was a number I haven't had in over 10 years, so I clicked on "I don't have access to this device" and E*Trade was seriously like:
Oh, bummer dude. Just give me ANY OTHER NUMBER and I'll text the verification code there instead.
I guess it's a good thing my account only had $0 and I was already closing it because WTF is up with your security, E*Trade?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/731/309/789/887/298/original/de6ecf5362a844b7.png

2025-12-14 16:04:02 GMT

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In only vaguely related news, if anyone needs a free photo to use for a website or book cover or really anything else, they can download whatever they want from my Pixelfed account ( @npub1xua…s88j).
I only ask that they send me a photo showing how they used it because it would make me happy to know it was actually getting used.

2025-12-14 14:54:06 GMT

WARNING: Long story with no real point. Just remembering something and wanted to write it down to document it.
Years ago, I worked at an Apple Store teaching computer lessons for all learning levels and on a variety of topics.
One of my regulars was a nice older lady who was a piano teacher and we got to talking and she mentioned that her husband is a lawyer and he's the one who wanted to learn to use the computer, but he didn't want to go into the store to learn, so she was taking lessons for him and then she would go home and try to teach him, but it wasn't working out because they were getting "frustrated" with one another, so she asked if I ever taught private lessons at people's homes.
This was definitely a conflict of interest and I really liked my job and wasn't willing to risk losing it, but she mentioned that it may be okay if we were just trading services where I would teach her husband to use the computer and she would teach me piano lessons as a thank you.
I ran it by my manager and she said she was totally fine with an arrangement like that and she gave me the green light.
Once a week after work, I'd take the bus to their house in a suburb of Chicago and we'd start with my piano lesson and then I'd go and give the husband his computer lesson.
Her husband wanted to learn the computer because "so many law things require computers nowadays" so he wanted to "keep up with the kids" and I really admired that about him.
Over time, I gave up on the piano, but he still wanted to learn more on the computer, so I just continued teaching the lessons for free.
Once he had "mastered" email and web searches, he mentioned that he wanted to create a website for his law practice, so I helped him make a basic website (e.g., bio, services, contact info, etc.).
The template he selected had a large space at the top for a header photo and he said he wanted a photo of the Chicago skyline, so we hopped on Google and selected one and added it and clicked publish and he was really happy with his website and we sent an email to pretty much everyone he knew (BCCed) to link them to his new website.
At that point, he had accomplished his ultimate goal and I just happened to be moving, so we said our goodbyes and that was the last time I saw him.
Years later, I took a Photoshop class and part of the class was on copyright laws and attribution and I had this OH NO flashback moment to creating that website because we definitely just did a random google search for Chicago skyline and didn't have formal permission to use that photo and I had NO idea what the photographer's permissions were, so I was terrified that I was going to get this poor lawyer in trouble for copyright infringement due to a dumb photo that we hastily dropped on his website years before.
By this point, I lived in a different state and all of the website files lived on his computer and there was no way I was going to be able to instruct him on how to change the photo via email or over the phone, so I wasn't going to open a can of worms by even mentioning it to him and I just pushed down the bad feelings and guilt, but every so often I'd remember it and they'd come flooding back.
Whenever this would happen, I'd pull up his website to see if anything changed, but it was always there with that big photo of the Chicago skyline staring right back at me.
I recently remembered him again and went to pull up his website to see if the photo was still there, but this time the entire website was gone.
I was relieved until I googled him and found his obituary instead and my relief turned to grief. It turns out he had died a couple of years ago and left behind his loving wife, a piano teacher.
RIP, Don. You were one of the good ones and i'm grateful to have known you and I'm glad you lived a long life free of copyright lawsuits.

2025-12-14 07:02:13 GMT

I’m going to start going to bars/breweries where they let you play table games and I’m going to set up a Ouija board and play for a bit and then act freaked out and leave while shouting "Oh, great. Now the demon is gonna haunt this place TOO!"

2025-12-14 05:27:52 GMT

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Gunther's makes really good ice cream and the building is OG mid-century and super cute. I’m okay with getting that dumb song stuck in my head in exchange for a nice little Gunther's experience. Especially on a hot day.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/716/264/497/798/442/original/ae54f8d294a67d0b.jpeg

2025-12-14 05:15:34 GMT

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For real! Whenever I walk past that place, it takes me a week to get that song out of my head.

2025-12-14 04:55:34 GMT

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I’m familiar! This was my post from the last time I went to Gunther's:
https://beige.party/@Alice/115556910949144498

2025-12-14 02:45:24 GMT

It's time for my annual tradition of buying eggnog and immediately remembering that I don’t like eggnog.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/715/625/659/095/936/original/d2bed34f58313c52.jpeg

2025-12-13 19:20:43 GMT

Kev mentioned that our oil change was scheduled for January 8th and I was like "Oh, on Elvis' birthday" and he was like "Why do you know his birthday? You don’t even like Elvis."
He is correct because I am very indifferent to Elvis and I seriously have no idea why I know his dumb birthday when I have to write all of my friends' and family member's birthdays on a physical paper calendar old lady style.
My mind is full of useless BS like this and I think it's clogging the space I should be using for important things, like singing the periodic table backwards since I currently can only sing it forward.

2025-12-07 19:47:18 GMT

Throwback to last night when I was bored on a long drive home and killed time by violently shaking my phone with night mode enabled on my camera.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/680/007/748/630/263/original/16dff58108250293.jpeg

2025-12-07 16:14:12 GMT

Dayum. I wonder if Leonard da Vinci painted any full body portraits of Mona Lisa.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/679/169/865/422/307/original/88032165fed2a0d3.jpeg

2025-12-01 15:29:45 GMT

Whenever I go to museums, I like to pause in front of stuff that definitely isn't art and talk about the "art" and how it makes me feel just to make the other people think they're missing something.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/645/020/857/783/886/original/3c377c0e606b9b2f.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/645/020/998/507/520/original/603a260ee70eae7c.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/645/021/077/549/276/original/327699317c8230ae.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/645/021/183/146/769/original/85bf74ce1c873840.jpeg

2025-11-28 00:09:06 GMT

Is a humanitarian a person who only eats humans?

2025-11-23 05:48:01 GMT

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Same. This is socially draining and the opposite of why I come on Mastodon.

2025-11-23 01:08:07 GMT

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Sorry. I wasn't referring to the space around the circles, which appear to be strategically irrigated, I was referring to the brown rectangles surrounded by green rectangles.

2025-11-22 18:09:06 GMT

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Could also be as simple as a brown crop, like wheat.

2025-11-22 15:49:45 GMT

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Yep! Both photos give me anxiety in different ways.
The suburb photo is obvious, but the green spread out version is also scary to me because it immediately makes me think of the film High Tension/Haute Tension and how there's really no help for you if someone breaks in and you're far away from neighbors/help.
Or how I always wanted a mid-century house like in The Ice Storm with a huge wall of windows looking out on a lot of land, but that just means creepy people can look right back in and, you know, break some glass and kill you.
In summary, I’m afraid of everything.

2025-11-22 15:40:47 GMT

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This is like the opposite of an HOA. You can tell because there's actually space between the houses.
This is definitely HOAville:
https://gram.social/p/Alice/848576499585553367

2025-11-22 05:15:22 GMT

People should give their children gender neutral names so it will still align when their child reaches complete comfort with their identity.

2025-11-16 04:49:17 GMT

I’m really excited that barrel jeans are in style because it's leveling the playing field for people like me who have legs that are naturally shaped like barrels.

2025-11-15 14:58:24 GMT

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https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/554/300/909/978/436/original/adc026e7161fd474.jpeg

2025-11-15 14:36:10 GMT

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Kev got a really flattering photo of me right before I took the photo of the shoe where I SAT ON THE TRAIN TRACKS and THEN decided to look back to make sure a train wasn't coming.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/554/213/502/478/119/original/1d8b3f893b7d5b65.jpeg

2025-11-15 14:03:09 GMT

Someone lost one of their crocs on the train tracks.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/554/083/702/696/708/original/e7172958d33a817d.jpeg

2025-11-14 19:14:32 GMT

You know what would boost my productivity?
If I could focus on doing my actual job instead of doing busywork like filling out nonsense personal assessments and writing out BS goals every. single. year.

2025-11-14 13:43:06 GMT

I'm a big brat so I have my Mastodon posts auto-posting to Bluesky on an intentional 1–2 year delay and I particularly like it when the joke is from a format that was going around on some random day in 2023 so Bluesky will be like "did this person JUST learn about this style of joke?" while I’m sitting back thinking about how they're just watching my Mastodon reruns.

2025-11-13 07:35:56 GMT

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I assure you. The nonsense I say is audible.

2025-11-13 07:27:03 GMT

WARNING: Long post and NO point, but a very real example of what it's like to try to have a conversation with me...
To start, I have autism and ADHD (AuDHD) and I just had a conversation with a stranger that's a pretty typical conversation I have where I start talking about something I care a LOT about but then get ten words in and uncontrollably switch to a different topic and keep repeating that pattern until the other person manages to escape.
Here's a near transcription of my last conversation that started earlier this evening at a show for a band I like called The Beths where I was wearing a t-shirt for an adjacent band called ALVVAYS and saw another person wearing a different ALVVAYS shirt:
Me: I like your ALVVAYS shirt! Did you see The Beths open for ALVVAYS the last time they were in California?
Them: Yeah! I saw both at The Greek in Berkeley!
Me: Cool! I saw them both in Oakland!
Them: Neat! I went for ALVVAYS and The Beths opened and I really liked them!
Me: Me too! I've been listening to ALVVAYS for years, but didn't know about The Beths until they opened and I really liked them which is why I’m here now!
(This is where AuDHD Alice kicks in)
Me (continuing): I was JUST thinking about the chain of events that lead to me being here, so it was that ALVVAYS show where The Beths opened and I wouldn't have even known about ALVVAYS if my coworker hadn't introduced me to them about ten years ago.
The reason my coworker mentioned them is because I was wearing a Jawbreaker shirt so he realized we liked similar music and thought I might like ALVVAYS and he was totally right!
The reason I was wearing a Jawbreaker shirt is because we worked for a scrappy startup in the Bay Area where nobody cared about anything and you could wear whatever you wanted as long as you got your job done.
I got that job because I used to work for Yelp because my former Yelp coworker started working for that startup and referred me.
I got the job at Yelp because my mom had stage 4 cancer and was DYING so I moved from Chicago to Phoenix to take care of her and Yelp had a location in Arizona so I interviewed and I got that job.
I'm pretty sure I got the job because my resume used Avenir as the font and the hiring manager liked it.
We also talked about The Neverending Story which is one of my favorite movies and apparently one of his, so we bonded because I mentioned job interviews making me feel like Atreyu trying to run through those laser shooting sculptures and he said he totally got it and somehow I still got the job.
That job eventually lead me to the startup which brought me to the coworker who introduced me to ALVVAYS which introduced me to The Beths and that's why I’m here now.
How did you find out about The Beths?
Them: Oh. Uh. Just that ALVVAYS show where The Beths opened, as I previously mentioned.
Me: Oh okay good talk have a nice night.

2025-11-11 18:13:25 GMT

Poor little pumpkin is sad that Halloween is over.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/532/418/516/321/688/original/d5c91fe3512be4af.jpeg

2025-11-10 06:02:34 GMT

Farts are the ghosts of past meals.

2025-11-09 02:32:03 GMT

Dear Instagram,
Not every photo needs a soundtrack.
Thanks in advance,
AliceMcFlurry

2025-11-02 13:35:04 GMT

[Someone doing something dangerous]
Death: OMG are they flirting with me?!?

2025-11-01 21:41:06 GMT

I think @npub1fwt…p7gn is worried because Halloween is over and I’m still wearing the sausage necklace but it's not my fault because I've never had nice jewelry before so I just wanna show it off.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/476/612/057/556/940/original/90de8d4e7fd1f130.jpeg

2025-11-01 01:33:19 GMT

Friends! I just met this man and his cat, Princess Nibbles, and they stopped to pose for a photo! Best night!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/471/862/855/687/911/original/01ff3461f0f7aaa9.jpeg

2025-10-31 23:29:33 GMT

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But seriously check out this sweet necklace, Can you blame me?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/471/374/987/747/258/original/ecb7a47ac603c134.jpg

2025-10-31 23:12:57 GMT

I'm going out for Halloween as my original Mastodon profile pic.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/471/303/114/810/648/original/56473fc92b96e052.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/471/303/103/464/152/original/eb02fe788b787f3e.jpeg

2025-10-31 23:08:37 GMT

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Shoutout to [@the_etrain](https://beige.party/@the_etrain ) for being the OG Alice McFlurry hotdog guy for Halloween and to @npub1388…sxrr for finding this ridiculous hotdog costume that is unfortunately a Fortnite reference that I know nothing about and seriously only bought because it came with a sausage necklace.

2025-10-31 14:30:34 GMT

Them: Are you wearing that ironically?
Me: No, it's actually pretty wrinkly.

2025-10-29 00:11:35 GMT

If you didn't burn yourself on the cast iron skillet, did you even have fajitas for dinner?

2025-10-28 13:13:22 GMT

People will say things like "it's selfish to not want to have kids!" and then immediately follow it up with "Who is going to take care of you when you get old?" as if they don’t know what the word selfish means.

2025-10-27 01:27:54 GMT

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In other news, this is my new least favorite neighbor. WHY is there a big dumb cow in their window???
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/443/530/027/693/341/original/bb039230656d9e9b.jpeg

2025-10-27 01:22:34 GMT

So many birds!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/443/509/024/505/871/original/19da40d65f8d7917.jpeg

2025-10-25 23:13:11 GMT

I mixed up the days for the Film Fan Meet Up with the Spanish Language Meet Up so I’m just sitting at this table like "¡Y tu mamá también!"
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/437/347/130/037/368/original/88493fba45645847.jpeg

2025-10-25 21:51:59 GMT

Whenever @npub1fwt…p7gn and I notice anyone eavesdropping on our conversation, we immediately switch over to using fake terminology just to throw off the nosy people.
Example:
"I’m goin' FULL grunion!"
"Don’t tell ME how to glick!"
They usually stop after that.

2025-10-25 18:39:48 GMT

Question!
If your wife died and you remarried shortly after and then were divorced shortly after that because you were also emotionally abusive to your new wife, are you still allowed to refer to yourself as a widow to gain sympathy from unsuspecting women?
Asking for my father's Facebook profile.

2025-10-25 04:02:17 GMT

Thinking about the time when I took a sociology class and I had a hard time identifying with it so I typed out everything my professor said and memorized it so when I'd have tests I could regurgitate it verbatim which got me "A"s but also made my professor think we were soulmates because we "thought the same way" so can someone please provide me with the words to let my professor down easily?

2025-10-24 19:36:26 GMT

It's interesting how the dumb people seem to love AI while the intelligent people seem to hate it.

2025-10-24 14:38:02 GMT

I know I’m autistic because I’m obsessed with maintaining my daily rituals, mostly satanic.

2025-10-23 15:55:53 GMT

The different topics on the No Kings protest signs don't mean we aren't unified.
It just means we have a lot to be mad about.

2025-10-22 20:26:55 GMT

Judging by the way most people from my hometown dress, you'd think they all went to college at Old Navy or The Gap.

2025-10-22 17:52:13 GMT

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My biggest problem is having VERY varied interests so my dumb jokes are often Venn diagrams of two totally different concepts where most people are only familiar with one, so the intersection is very slim.
Doesn't matter, though. I'll post any dumb thought that comes into my head as long as it makes ME laugh.

2025-10-22 17:37:56 GMT

I need someone to match my phreak so I can make more phone calls for free.

2025-10-19 22:39:40 GMT

My favorite inventor is the person who mixed potatoes with mayonnaise and called it a salad.

2025-10-15 18:15:44 GMT

Progress bars would be better if you could drag them to the right to speed up the process.

2025-10-15 00:28:16 GMT

If you're testing your spaghetti for doneness and you throw it at the wall and it doesn't stick then you need to pick it up off the floor and put it back in the pot because it's not done cooking yet.

2025-10-14 19:05:09 GMT

I don’t know if it's narcissistic to put my own photos on my walls, but the truth is that my wall needed something, but wall art is expensive and I’m cheap so this was an easy solution.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/374/077/237/370/250/original/2837f15d64b11789.jpeg

2025-10-13 15:01:19 GMT

My company is doing this fitness challenge and I only joined since my watch already tracks steps so it was low effort, but I just checked the leaderboard and I am somehow in second place so now this other person I never knew before this moment has become my mortal enemy and I am on a mission to surpass them even though I’m pretty sure they just strapped a Fitbit to a chihuahua.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/367/461/314/858/661/original/fa84df19af93218d.jpeg

2025-10-11 02:49:03 GMT

It's not that I think I’m better than everyone, it's just that Facebook continuously reminds me that there are so many people who are worse than me.

2025-10-10 23:41:47 GMT

I was at work and someone criticized me by saying I need to stay in my lane and I just feel like some people don't understand how hard it is being a school bus driver.