Geek, father, artist, and lover of all things comedy. Despite my better judgement, I draw the webcomic Alarmingly Bad.
Public Key
npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Profile Code
nprofile1qqsg3dq23uqan47y7dnkp0luwl27zwdhaa7evwzepnqjcys6y7lke2gpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerfw36x7tnsw43qwq7nnq
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Published at
2026-08-20T10:33:17Z Event JSON
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"content": "{\"name\":\"Jon Baker\",\"about\":\"Geek, father, artist, and lover of all things comedy. Despite my better judgement, I draw the webcomic Alarmingly Bad.\\n\\nMostly here to joke and shitpost. Comics over on the Alarmingly Bad Masto account!\",\"picture\":\"https://files.mastodon.social/accounts/avatars/000/026/524/original/55ee05c08e42f336.jpg\",\"banner\":\"https://files.mastodon.social/accounts/headers/000/026/524/original/2e74c3e60fc436eb.jpg\",\"nip05\":\"[email protected] \",\"fields\":[[\"Alarmingly Bad Masto account\",\"https://mstdn.social/@AlarminglyBad\"],[\"YouTube\",\"https://www.youtube.com/c/alarminglybad\"],[\"Just My Toots\",\"https://justmytoots.com/[email protected] \"]]}" ,
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Last Notes npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker My new favorite insult npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I hope in Space Balls 2, Lone Starr puts in another $5 of gas in Winnebago but this time it doesn’t even get him out of the gas station npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker No Burger Kings, No Burger Gods, Only Burger Man npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Your email never found me better luck next time npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I wanna see a period drama set vaguely in the time of lords or whatever introduce a character called “Daniel of House Vito” npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker GENIE: You have 3 wishes npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker FUN FACT: Facts stopped being fun over 10 years ago and scientists can’t explain why. Knowledge is pain! npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Come on, man, would it kill you to laugh once in a while? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Oh No, It Turns Out This New Cup I Like Isn’t Dishwasher Safe And Must Be Handwashed: A Horror Story npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker ME: I’m not like those other guys. I would take a bullet for you. KILL for you. npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Do you think The Count from Sesame Street drinks only puppet blood, or does he feed off humans as well? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker What kind of Fe Fi Fo Fum-ass bathroom do you have to have to even be able to house a goddamn forever roll npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker We’ll cross that bridge when we burn it npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Making minor edits to the Ship Of Theseus’ Wikipedia page that don’t materially change its information just to prove a goddamn point npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Living your D&D life to its fullest should be called “Carpe DM” npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker [Scooby Doo] npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Inside you are two wolves npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/324/021/814/511/716/original/bf7955841c2e6b2a.jpeg npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker IDEA: Dressing up as a crow for Halloween and telling everyone your group costume idea fell apart because the other people had to back out npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker My brain feels like mush and I can’t seem to throw enough coffee at it to give it any structure buhhhhhhhh npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Tylenautism was *right there* npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I would much prefer life giving me lemons over everything currently going on is it too late to sign up for the lemons? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Is bipolar twice the polar or once every other polar? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker IDEA: A gender reveal-style party, but for finding out how many wolves are inside you npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Any house can be a haunted house if it reminds you of the war crimes you’ve committed npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Gonna tell my kid that Big Bird from Sesame Street is a failed military experiment where they tried to genetically splice a goose with a giraffe for military applications and his very existence is an affront to nature and a monument to man’s hubris npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Gonna tell my kid this is the White House npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker One fish npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker POV: You are having a very normal Saturday npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Forget noise-cancelling, I need reality-cancelling headphones npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Turtrucken npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Go easy on me I’m just an unwrapped skeleton with a credit score npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I think we’re close npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Adjusted for inflation, Jay-Z currently has 168 problems npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker An anime about a guy who gets hit by a truck and gets “isekai’d” into a hospital patient npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Nobody ever asks *how* is updog? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker What a dystopian fucking headline npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker 2025: The Year Of Positive Affirmations npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker You treat your body like a temple, I treat mine like a 94 Toyota Camry. It still mostly works, but it’s not sexy. The engine makes a concerning noise. And there’s a smell? Also, I have no idea where the bees came from npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker “Florida Man” is a Barbarian D&D subclass npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker NARRATOR: Not a creature was stirring npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I get unreasonably happy when I find my house keys in the first coat pocket I check instead of the 27th like usual (my coat only has 2 pockets) npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker For firewood lasting longer than 4 hours, seek immediate medical attention npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker ME: npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Sure, fuck it, if the world is gonna end soon anyway might as well run up the scoreboard npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker What an absolutely wild policy to put into place the same day we develop a taste for healthcare CEO blood npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I’m convinced those home buying shows where the young couple has hilariously high home budgets given impractical sounding jobs is a psy-op to let boomers think there’s nothing wrong with the current housing market affordability npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker The Safety Dance implies the existence of a forbidden Danger Dance npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Legally, you’re only allowed to call shitposting if it comes from the toilet region of your bathroom. Otherwise, it’s just sparkling stupidity. npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker From the makers of Thank God It’s Friday, here comes Fucking Hell It’s Only Tuesday npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Not a single hadouken in this Tyson/Paul fight fucking amateur hour npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to be here npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker PSA: You do not want to be out of time phase with your cocks. Trust me on this. npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Banned from yet another Walmart for trying to Akira slide in those electric scooter shopping carts 😔 npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Gross negligence implies the existence of tasteful negligence npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker My daily routine is just a bunch of load bearing band-aid solutions piled in a trenchcoat npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker There’s no law that says you can’t put Mac ‘n Cheese between 2 slices of bread and call it a sandwich npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker When someone asks u to describe urself npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Honestly expecting the Supreme Court to legalize The Purge at this point npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I’m at the Play Area npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker There’s plenty of fish in the sea, and a surprisingly low number of security guards at Sea World npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Everybody wants to go to Funkytown, but nobody wants to pay Funkytaxes npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker If you stop the song Billie Jean a little before the halfway point it becomes Billie Jort npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker On the plus side, Trump got all the holes punched on his felony rewards card so he can get a free misdemeanor on his next visit to the courthouse npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker GOOGLE 2004: Don’t be evil npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I can’t remember how a boomerang works but it’s coming back to me npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Whole lotta trainfuckers ‘round these parts npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker FUN FACT: If you fuck in the back of an Amazon delivery truck any child you conceive is legally the property of Amazon npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Me, all day every day: npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker All of these true crime podcasts, not one of them featuring a killer whale npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker brb screaming acab at zootopia npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker THERAPIST: Tiny Legs Michael Jackson isn’t real. He can’t hurt you npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Lore that is thoroughly debunked should be called glass canon npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Whoever drives the longest with their check engine light on wins, right? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker “We already have 2024 at home” npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: A Guide For Talking To Your Children About Polyamory npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker That freezer needs to be stopped before it kills again npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Jingle Bell Rock implies the existence of Jingle Bell Paper and Jingle Bell Scissors npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Nobody ever asks Adam Levine where he hid the bodies of Maroons 1 through 4 npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Excel just isn’t the right fit for me anymore npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Anyone else feel bad for the hazelnut in Nutella? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker At this point I’m waiting for my student loans to ask me if I want to add 10%, 15% or 20% gratuity to my bill npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I’m panicking, what glass do you drink gravy out of again? Champagne flute? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker BROKE: Hot singles in your area npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker ME: *watches the cursed movie from The Ring* npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker @npub1sk4…d83s the Ideas Pile HUNGERS npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Anyway, here’s Wonderwall npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I think one thing that gets overlooked about The Devil Went Down To Georgia is the Devil went *down* to Georgia npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker @npub15gx…32c4 @npub1pkj…8dys @npub19wd…pjx8 @npub1tnd…9l85 @npub17tq…nk3p @npub1rrm…ms63 @npub1q45…0hyv @npub17sh…6e06 @npub1mj4…5zu0 @npub1ahq…wjwd @npub1jvf…6w02 @npub1hln…kxt5 @npub1dkl…wy8r @npub1wq6…ju6u @npub1flv…ctq0 @npub1sh2…gxm0 hey thanks, Warner! npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker INTERNET DIRECTORY MAP npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker *involuntary fat kid noises* npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker You ever just feel like you’re a discount, off-brand version of yourself? A “Great Value You”? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker I personally believe a little diggity, and a small amount of doubt, can be healthy for you npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker What if Papa John was the actual biological father of each of the pizzas he sells? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker We’re doing s’mores at a campfire and my brother-in-law and I decided to use Dulce de Leche Lindt truffles instead of regular chocolate and excuse me while I die of diabetes now npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Tried typing “skill issue” but it came out as “skull issue” and somehow that is also correct npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker So is this super moon just, like, our mild-mannered regular moon that took off its glasses? npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Look, doctors don’t want you to know this, but if you get access to one of those hospital computers and punch in the Konami Code you get 30 lives npub13z6q4rcpm8tufum8vzllca74uyum0mmajcu9jrxp9sfp5faldj5sh2dd30 Jon Baker Picking flowers is wild when you think about it
