Bern

Mechanical engineer. Wannabe novellist. Does noise control for a living. All round nerdy type.
Currently living on Turrbal/Jagera land on the southern side of Meanjin (Brisbane), Australia.

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[email protected]

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relay.damus.io

nos.lol

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Last Notes

2026-09-08 08:33:44 GMT

#WordWeavers for 8th September, 2026
8.Which character would be the worst person to get trapped in an elevator with?
Apart from the soulbinder demon? 🤔
Likely Jirn, who featured on the 3rd and 7th. He isn’t that great at personal hygiene, and has a very unsavoury character (leading to his bit part in my story). Best pray you’re not trapped in there alone with him.

2026-09-08 01:58:30 GMT

Running some C++ code I wrote a decade ago to do some complex data analysis.
Fails when I feed it one particular data file that is a (working) file with a few extra rows of data inserted.
But a different version of that data file with the data rows in a slightly different order works.
So I copied the failing file, deleted the offending new data, then pasted it back in from the original source, and now it works.
As best I can tell, there is no difference between the file that failed and the one that now works.
Ah, I had a thought. I'm using Excel to prep the data files, and save them as .CSV files. So I re-exported the original version, and it failed again. Opened the (failing) CSV in Excel, did nothing but save it under a new filename, and voila, it works.
The re-exported file is also ~25% smaller. Clearly the CSV import in Excel strips out a lot of crap that Excel leaves in when you save a workbook as CSV.
Sigh...
#ITfail

2026-09-06 23:43:04 GMT

#WordWeavers for 7th September, 2026
7. Describe a moment when one of your characters realises they’ve made a terrible mistake.
The easiest example is the follow-on from my answer from the 3rd, when Jirn (a labourer) realises he has just confessed to a criminal act that resulted in someone’s death – a potential capital offence in this world.

2026-09-05 23:52:23 GMT

#WordWeavers for 6th September, 2026
6. What is your MC hilariously bad at?
Sometimes Illara is very bad at reading others’ emotions. She doesn’t do all that badly, on the whole, but occasionally makes very embarrassing mistakes.
Like all of us, really. 😉

2026-09-05 09:05:16 GMT

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mostly that the accused thought he was defending himself, but he admitted to a lethal assault.
It's a stretch, but it's all I had.

2026-09-04 05:54:37 GMT

Good ol' Word online... Despite having the same font settings, every paragraph looks different. Different size, different typeface.
Why anyone would voluntarily use this software is beyond me.
#ITfail #CorporateLife #MicroSlop

2026-09-04 05:47:44 GMT

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I definitely wouldn't have had an answer for this prompt, if not for that one scene with the Earl sitting in judgement...

2026-09-03 09:47:53 GMT

#WordWeavers for 3rd September, 2026
3.Share a line from your WIP that reveals more than the speaker intended.
The Earl turned his attention back to Jirn and leaned forward slightly. “You admit you intended to use your knife upon him, to inflict a wound?”
“Not a serious one, m’lord! Just a cut, on his face, like, t’ teach ‘im a lesson!”
“And yet he is dead, by the knife you wielded.” He leaned back, sitting upright in the chair, the full force of his gaze bearing down on the prisoner. “You have stated that you intended to cause injury with your blade — and a man lies dead as a result. Now that you have admitted your guilt, you must pay the price.”

2026-09-02 10:51:11 GMT

#WordWeavers for 2nd September, 2026
2. What would your MC notice first upon entering a crowded room?
It would depend a lot on what sort of crowd it was. I daresay, though, that one of the first things she’d notice lately would be the ripple that spread out from nearby, as people noticed her and acknowledged her presence. She has picked up a bit of a reputation, after the adventures of the last few books.

2026-09-01 11:21:28 GMT

#WordWeavers for 1st September, 2026
1. What is something your MC desperately wants but would never admit to wanting?
Hmm. What would Illara desperately want?
Well, she desperately wants her family. She misses them terribly. She is so well-supported emotionally by the dragon bond, though, that she doesn’t even consciously realise it. She does figure that out by the end of this story, though.

2026-08-31 22:53:24 GMT

"Why does that skyscraper have that weird shape on the top?"
"Oh, that's the city's protective ward. It's angled toward the West to catch as much of the afternoon sun as possible to energise it."
"Ward?!"
"Yeah. Keeps things nice and quiet at night. And safe."
"Safe from what?"
"You... Don't wanna know."
#microfiction #tootfic

2026-08-30 22:53:36 GMT

#WordWeavers for 31st August, 2026
31. What's one thing you hope readers remember long after they finish your story?
I hope they remember the characters. I hope that I have done well enough with my writing that they feel like I’m telling a story about people who could have been real, somewhere, sometime...

2026-08-30 02:10:40 GMT

#WordWeavers for 30th August, 2026
30. If you could interview one of your characters over coffee, what would be the first question you asked?
I genuinely don’t know. These characters live in my head, and I know their stories well. What would I ask them that I didn’t already know, or hadn’t already dealt with in the stories?
I am at a bit of a loss for answering this one. It's not how my mind works. (Also, I'm a terrible conversationalist!)

2026-08-29 01:47:50 GMT

#WordWeavers for 29th August, 2026
29. What writing accomplishment are you quietly proud of?
Actually finishing not one, but five novels!
I’ll let others be the judge of whether they’re any good, but, six hundred and something thousand words later, I think I’ve done alright.

2026-08-28 02:33:46 GMT

#WordWeavers for 28th August, 2026
28. What's one question you're still trying to answer about your story?
Will people buy it?
(I should probably actually publish it, then I might find out, eh? 😏)

2026-08-27 02:25:15 GMT

#WordWeavers for 27th August, 2026
27. Which character would win a trivia contest?
Out of all the characters I have written, I’d say Baron Ginen would have the broadest knowledge base, thanks to a fine education and a well-developed sense of curiosity. He’d be most likely to win a general trivia contest. There are certainly people within the stories who have very deep knowledge of certain fields, but I think Ginen would win on average score over a broad range of topics.
Unless it’s like the trivia competition I attended at a pub some years ago, where Question One was “Here’s four video clips of surfers riding waves. Which one of these was the coolest?”
I have no idea what the rest of the questions were like, our entire table just ignored it after that opening (as did several others).

2026-08-26 07:48:17 GMT

#WordWeavers for 26th August, 2026
26. What weather best matches your current work in progress?
Near the end of the story, it’s pretty bleak for the MC, so something dark with heavy clouds, gusting winds wreaking havoc, heavy drops of rain splashing on the ground…
By the end of the story, though, the storm is breaking, and there’s a broadening line of blue on the horizon.

2026-08-25 05:40:42 GMT

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making a suit of chainmail? 😏

2026-08-22 02:10:07 GMT

#WritersCoffeeClub for 21st August 2026
21. What’s a mistake you see a lot of writers make when writing about people with your lived experience?
I tend to read mostly fantasy and sci-fi, so this question is not really relevant in many ways.
I am Australian, though, and I’m sure we’ve all seen some of the absolutely *atrocious* representations of Australians in various media.
I mean, we don’t spend *all* our time wrestling crocodiles and running from dropbears and murderbirds… sometimes we’re busy looking after our pet spiders!

2026-08-01 23:17:04 GMT

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yep!
... Don't tell my boss, but sometimes there would be 'really bad traffic driving home from the school run'... 😆

2026-07-31 23:05:46 GMT

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I used to get so many good ideas driving home from dropping the kids at school in the morning, when I was WFH. The problem is then I'd really be in the mood for writing, right when I was supposed to log in to the work PC... 😑

2026-07-31 00:20:12 GMT

#PennedPossibilities 1086 — How do you find your inspiration? (Do you enjoy nature, books, games, films, shows, or all of the above?)
Yes.
To elaborate: inspiration comes from anywhere and everywhere. All of our experiences go into the great mixing pot in our minds whence inspiration comes.
I do agree, though, that quiet thinking time is the best time to synthesise all these inputs into new ideas. Time spent away from the attention-consuming reality of modern life, even if it's only a few minutes.

2026-07-30 12:01:41 GMT

Wandering Shop Stories #wss366 for 30th July 2026: Proof
“You have no proof!”
The Chancellor leaned forward over his desk, his bushy eyebrows waggling as he looked at the nervous student standing in front of him.
“Professor Vinis makes a point, young man. You have levelled a very serious accusation against her. One would hope you have some evidence? Extraordinary evidence, I should think, given the gravity of the situation.”
“Well…”
“You see?” Vinis crowed, standing triumphant, leaning back so that her long nose pointed like an accusation at the trembling figure who cowered before the Chancellor’s desk. “He has nothing!” She shook her head. “I am sorry to have bothered you with this, Chancellor Smythe. If you wish, I shall handle the disciplinary action. I believe I can determine a most… suitable… punishment.”
“Yes, well,” the Chancellor said, the corner of his mouth turning up. Punishment of students was something for which Professor Vinis had quite the reputation. “Nothing permanent, mind you. He’ll need to graduate in the spring. Assuming he passes his exams.”
“Of course, Chancellor,” Vinis purred as she moved in on the hapless undergrad. “I shall ensure sufficient motivation is provided.”
She gripped the back of his neck and steered him out of the door before his spluttering could cause any more trouble. The moment they were a dozen steps down the hall, she released him and shoved him backwards against the wall.
“You fool!” she hissed. “The only reason the witch-hunters tolerate the university is because Smythe is one of them. And you tried to tell him I’m a witch!”
“But… the law…”
“Silence!” she snarled, glaring at him. “The law be damned. There’s a reason the plague has spared our corner of the kingdom, and it’s not because of some god-forsaken ancient law the Queen wants to abolish, but dare not!”
His eyes widened. “You mean...”
Her eyes narrowed. “We have a royal charter. Letters of marque. And you nearly ruined it all!”
She crossed her arms and tapped the toe of her right shoe. “I think the ladies in advanced transmogrification could do with a guinea pig. A few days spent as one might teach you a little humility!”
A look of horror filled the student’s face, and he let out a squeak as Vinis raised a hand and snapped her fingers. She looked down at him, then bent down and picked him up with a hand around his belly. He squeaked again, and paws scrabbled wildly at the air.
“Oh, stop complaining,” she said brusquely as she strode down the hall, heels clicking on the tiles. “I could have turned you into a frog and given you to the anatomy class. They’d be able to patch you back together again afterwards, but you would *not* enjoy the process...”
#tootfic #microfiction

2026-07-22 21:06:39 GMT

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I have to say, that lecture at uni was a bit uncomfortable, but the practical lab session afterwards was a lot of fun. 😉

2026-07-21 07:03:37 GMT

In a surprise to no-one...
"Australia's system of privatised employment services is structurally broken and its prized federal contracts are being used to enrich millionaires and private equity firms, a new report argues."
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-07-21/private-equity-profits-as-job-system-fails-workers-report-finds/106920430

2026-04-08 21:22:18 GMT

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I love it! That last panel could make a great t-shirt. Change the wording to "You had to roll a one!" and it'd be nicely self-contained.

2026-01-29 22:50:09 GMT

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Yeah, good point. I know Quebec has pushed for independence in the past, but is there a currently active separatist movement there?
(Not that the nutters to the south would want people who didn't speak 'American', anyway)

2026-01-29 21:36:03 GMT

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How... coincidental... that the only Canadian province with a 'separatist' movement is the one with all the oil...

2025-12-22 06:47:01 GMT

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Q: is it kid friendly? Wondering if my tribe might like it.

2025-12-15 04:36:29 GMT

Well, shit. 😡
I guess my Shure SRH840s don't have a steel reinforcement inside the headband. 🤬
I was just thinking, as I picked them up, that I bought these when I was reviewing some sensitive noise monitoring data in 2016, and they've lasted really well, and - <snap>
That's the second headband assembly. The first broke at the hinge just left of that break, which, yes, is all plastic. This one I managed to stick together with super glue when it broke in exactly the same place a few years later. Clearly a deficient design (or perhaps a good one, if you're thinking like a CEO trying to boost sales...)
Great sound quality from these 'phones, a decently flat frequency response (what I needed for my work) and pretty good isolation due to being closed-back. Shame about the corners being cut on the headband construction. 🤬
Guess I'll need to look at what's available today in closed-back headphones with flat frequency response and no thumping bass boost. Any suggestions? #askfedi
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/721/676/954/936/882/original/ff00b216d83892f3.png

2025-12-13 02:09:43 GMT

Writers’ Coffee Club for 13th December 2025
13. What have you written for another writer?
Well, there are some of the snippets I’ve shared for WordWeavers, WritersCoffeeClub, and Penned Possibilities hashtags – some of those are extracts from the WIP, others were written in response to the prompts. There are the shorts I’ve written in response to the Wandering Shop Stories prompts. And a couple of other random Tootfics. My primary audience here is other writers, I think, so there you go, I’ve written them for other writers.
#WritersCoffeeClub

2025-12-03 23:08:48 GMT

WordWeavers for 4th December, 2025
4. What’s the worst thing about the world of your story?
That someone, somewhere, once figured out how to summon demons.
Very bad things have happened as a consequence of that one act. The reverberations are still echoing off the mountains thousands of years later, and this story will not signify their end (though as I’ve currently planned it, my current MC helps ensure that they die out permanently).
#WordWeavers

2025-11-15 12:25:08 GMT

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"...and more than half of Congress are trying to help him..."

2025-11-10 10:39:16 GMT

Well, I have just downloaded a copy of Scrivener to try it out for the 30-day free trial (30 days of use, not 30 calendar days, which is a very generous distinction for them to make!)
I have no idea if it will suit me any better than LibreOffice Writer (my current tool of choice), but we'll see.
#AmWriting #WritingCommunity

2025-10-30 00:00:46 GMT

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And it took the Telstra router a full minute to realise something was wrong. And another thirty seconds to switch over to the 4G fallback.

2025-10-29 23:55:21 GMT

Oh, yay, my NBN connection is up and down like a yoyo today...
🫩

2025-10-17 09:18:51 GMT

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my 10yo said "immortality would be bad, because when the earth gets destroyed you'll end up floating in space, suffocating and freezing, but unable to die"
🤔

2025-09-14 12:42:14 GMT

"What's in the bag?"
I gave the nice lady at the customs desk a wry smile.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
She didn't smile.
"Sir, I will ask you one more time. What. Is. In. The. Bag?"
I grimaced. "Mind if I show you instead? It's kind of hard to explain."
Her eyes narrowed.
"Sir, step back away from the bag."
I nodded and took a step backwards. Two heavily-armed goons approached from the side and loomed over me. I ignored them as the customs officer unzipped the top of the #bag and gingerly looked inside.
Her eyebrows tried to climb up beneath her felt cap.
"I don't believe it..." she whispered.
"Told ya!" I muttered beneath my breath.
She looked back up at me and grinned. The way a shark would, when it spotted its next meal.
"Sir, I'm going to need to see some paperwork. Class Four universes are highly restricted."
I let the smile creep back onto my face. She really knew her stuff! I gave my jacket pocket a confident pat.
"I've got all the permits right here, ma'am. And that's actually a research-grade Class Six. We see promising signs of intelligent life forming on one of the planets..."
#wss366 #writing #microfiction #tootfic

2025-09-09 21:20:45 GMT

Kidlet was tasked to "write a creative story" in their biochem class yesterday. Didn't realise they would potentially have to read theirs out to the class, so they decided to have fun. 😆
I present to you:
'A Day in the Life of Yeast'
My name is Fungi Ascomycota Saccharomycetes Saccharomycetales Saccharomycetaceae Saccharomyces Cerevisiae. This morning I woke up in a dark container void of happiness or joy. I am a mere fungus, born to live out my life within these paper walls, piled atop my brethren like so many discarded parts. Here I came to life and here will I die.
Light slams into the retinas of my non-existent blue orbs and had I nerves or muscles I would flinch away from it. Instead I can do nothing as it sears every fibre of my very being. The world tilts, manipulated by some greater being, some gamemaster that designed my fate only to sell me off to the group of mediocre white boys with the absurdest sum of money. My petite frame slips from the hell of the packet and I am falling through the air – floating, for I am too light for even gravity to care about me.
I land among the looming forms of grains, mangled in preparation for us and towering above my tiny, 0.000005 metre frame. There is no oxygen around me, and I cannot breathe. Despite this, ravenous hunger hits me, and I begin to consume the grains around me in violent anaerobic respiration (actually its fermentation but I don’t expect anyone to care enough to know the difference), so violently that the other yeast particles shy away in shock despite their larger sizes. They begin to decompose with the force of my hunger and I am suddenly surrounded by sugars. I will not, cannot stop lest the overwhelming hunger consumes me. I continue, though I
choke on the bitter lack of air that is my fate.
Ethyl alcohol pools around me as I deconstruct the very substance of the grains that surround me, and sweet energy fuels my non-existent veins, spurring me on. I am flooded with the
ethanol, and yet, although my tiny frame seeks to float on the top of the fruits of my labours, I struggle with all my might downwards and continue to feast.
I did not notice it grow dark but now light pierces my poor, assaulted, nonextant blue orbs. My hard work, my alcohol, floods out through the hole in my newest prison, and now I am alone with the husks of the food I fermented. Now the ethyl alcohol will be consumed by many white boys who buy more teenage yeasts from their evil mothers, and I am discarded like old news.
#writing #microfic #tootfic

2025-08-15 01:41:07 GMT

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I'm less worried about AI doing my job and more worried about the C-levels replacing me with AI because they believe the marketing bullshit claims about what AI can do.

2025-07-15 00:55:05 GMT

Come into the office, they said.
You need to connect with your team, they insisted.
Our office has hot-desking, and you have to book a desk.
A third of the area allocated to my team has been booked by people from a different team, and the nearest available desk is on the opposite side of the building. I may bump into one of my team members in the lift, but otherwise won't see them all day.
So, you know, I could be just as effective working from home, without the two hours of commute time. 😡
#corporateLife

2025-07-01 00:03:21 GMT

I find myself inordinately excited this morning to learn that the first trailer for Project Hail Mary has dropped.
The snippets shown are quite faithful to the book, but we'll see how the rest of it goes. Will definitely be going to the cinema for this one!
https://youtu.be/m08TxIsFTRI

2025-05-26 21:37:29 GMT

It is the 27th of May. Literally four days before the first month of winter. 😵‍💫
29 is a full five degrees above the average for the whole of May (and it's supposed to be cooling over the month, not getting warmer!) and warmer than the highest temp ever recorded at my local weather station in June.
When winter proper arrives, it's gonna be a hell of a shock!
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/114/576/266/837/694/161/original/ec3d31d587b3ad89.png

2025-03-03 07:24:18 GMT

Brisbane & SE Qld peeps, don't forget to:
- charge all the things that need charging
- clear up the clutter outside the house
- secure the things (like trampolines) that can't be put away
- shut down your wormhole generators. I know it might be an uncomfortable few days without the aircon sinking all that excess heat into Pluto's core, but we do *not* want another liquid nitrogen flood like the one during the storm of 2045...
#microfiction #tootfiction

2025-01-14 09:01:26 GMT

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🤦‍♂️
I take it all back. I don't understand that dial... 😏

2025-01-13 23:27:15 GMT

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it's definitely confusing.
A bit like the power setting on my toaster. It goes from 1-6, but ~2.5 leaves the bread black on the outside (and we're not talking particularly dry bread here). Even really moist sourdough is nicely toasted at that point. I struggle to think of a use case for any setting over three...

2025-01-13 23:14:42 GMT

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Sure. As I see it, the 'o' marking at the bottom is the set point, and the dial is currently set to ~2.3 or so. The tapering line and the high/low markings are to give you an idea of which direction to turn it to increase / decrease the setting, and are, IMHO, entirely superfluous and confusing, because for most people, 3 is higher than 2, so if you put the 3 next to the mark, it'll be a higher setting...
Actually, I take back my earlier comment. I don't think an engineer designed this dial... they'd run through the same thought process I just did above, and delete either the numbers on the dial or the tapering line markings. Probably the tapering line, because knowing what it's currently set on (which the numbers give you) is probably more important than just knowing which way to turn it to increase / decrease the setting.

2025-01-13 22:36:42 GMT

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as an engineer, I can readily work out what that dial is saying, but holy crap did they not do *any* UX testing outside the engineering department?

2024-12-05 08:12:09 GMT

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I looked at one in a shop, and the colours reminded me of 70s / early 80s vintage comic books. A bit under saturated, but still pretty good.
I've seen a few comments recently though from people complaining that the text is not as sharp as the monochrome screens. Sounds like they might have just been a bit picky. 😏

2024-12-05 05:21:42 GMT

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how's the clarity of the colour screen? I love my older-gen Libra, and am contemplating upgrading to the colour one

2024-10-28 00:04:02 GMT

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It's great to see a bit of transparency around their pricing games...
Does that website scrape prices from the online shops of ColesWorths? I looked up a dairy free Magnum icecreams (being a treat I buy fairly regularly for my dairy-intolerant wife & son), and it showed a more-or-less constant price for the past two months, and I know I've seen the price fluctuate up and down a lot over that time in my local Woollies (mostly down, when Aldi had some stocked at the same price as the "half price" for Woollies)

2024-10-27 23:14:21 GMT

So, if you do have to shop at Colesworths, make sure you only buy stuff when it's "on special".
I loved the quote from Woollies about how it's the suppliers who set the prices. I thought everyone knew that Colesworths dictated pricing strategies to their suppliers, a la "nice shelf placement you've got for your products there, be a shame if something happened to it..."
(And, yes, some products I buy that are found only on the very top or bottom shelf exhibit none of this price variability bullshit)
"Grocery prices at Coles and Woolworths go up and down. What's behind the pattern? - ABC News"
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-10-26/coles-woolworths-supermarket-price-specials-cost-of-living/104470674

2024-09-30 05:41:35 GMT

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to be fair, *all* US car manufacturer CEOs think like this. I once sat in a vehicle engineering meeting where it was announced that management had decided to delete the water management trough beneath the windscreen, because they wanted to include a diesel engine option, and the particular engine they chose wouldn't fit in the engine bay... 🙄

2024-09-20 02:28:13 GMT

Writers’ Coffee Club for 20th September 2024
20. how do you commemorate hitting a milestone?
I annoy my friends and the people here on mastodon with screenshots of wordcounts and the like… 😉
#WritersCoffeeClub