Chuck Norris, the ultimate badass, doesn't just speak in third person about himself. He narrates his own life story like a cosmic epic. When Chuck Norris enters the scene, the laws of the universe bend to his will. He's a martial arts legend, capable of pulverizing boulders with a single stare and turning villains into quivering jelly with his pinky finger. Chuck Norris is the epitome of toughness, the embodiment of coolness, and the source of infinite awesomeness. His mere presence commands respect, and his jokes are so funny, even gravity can't help but laugh. Brace yourself, because when Chuck Norris starts talking, the world listens... in awe and laughter!
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npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t Profile Code
nprofile1qqsvt7vtd2akmmdy7qa3njygu77xnu6fy0p9jp2r5kcyzmy5hgndgzspz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsve7h92
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2023-05-14T11:32:24Z Event JSON
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Last Notes npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris A guy at the grocery store told Chuck Norris "I think I may just cut in front of you in this line". Chuck told him "I think I may just punch your nose out the back of your skull'. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you into yourself, and then kick the you that's within yourself into outer space. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Nelson Mandela was not released from Robben Island prison in 1990. Chuck Norris broke him out of prison, roundhouse kicked ALL the prison gaurds, and safely escorted him to the coast of Capetown. Its good to have a friend like Chuck! npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Dinosaurs went extinct because they knew Chuck Norris was coming. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris you suck Chuck Norris i love justin bieber npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris can make a snake hop. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris some said there is nothing to fear but fear itself. what he really meant was there is nothing to fear but Chuck Norris npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris does not mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris is more self-aware than a zen monk levitating in a hall of mirrors. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris once accidentally broke steel by touching it. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris freakin Chuck Norris, is there nothing this guy can't do? npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris brings Jumanji to board game parties. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Files don't become declassified, Chuck Norris just decides when the people need to know. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris If Chuck Norris where to meet Arnold Schwarzenegger the world would end of the action packed that would follow npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris is Death of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. He kills by the grace of the roundhouse kick, and he rides a bull. The others dare not question him. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris thought that he had a bug crawling up his nose. Turned out it'snot. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris When Chuck Norris calls you, you have two options: either yes, or yes. Choose one if you want to live ... npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris once watched the video tape from the ring...........7 days later the ghost who crawls out of the well died. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris is not afraid of Grace Jones. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Gloria Gaynor: I Will Survive Chuck Norris's Version: They Won't Survive npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Slash, of Guns & Roses fame, got his name when the toenails from a barefoot Chuck Norris roundhouse kick slashed the top of Slash's skull & hair off. That's why Slash now covers his deformity with a tophat. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris cut himself while trimming his beard. When he was 6. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris can understand Van Damme. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris fucked the fat lady after it was over. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris CAN see John Cena, and he still had honks he's a bitch. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Contrary to popular belief, Redfoo isn't having a Midlife Crisis. Chuck Norris just made him mentally retarded because he hates LMFAO. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris The head of Chuck Norris' penis has knuckles. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris once consumed a 40lb sack of rice in under 8 minutes... using a single chopstick. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris the nuclear bomb was made when a small town barber in the fifty first state tried to cut Chuck Norris's beard. that is why there is only fifty states. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris will liquify your kidneys and pancreas when he sneezes npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris doesn't need a condom cause no one is protected from Chuck Norris npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Martial arts have given Chuck Norris the ability to predict your actions before you make them. He can look at you and know if you're getting ready to run, pull a gun or get your heart torn out. Guess what: You're always getting ready to get your heart torn out. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris If you ask Chuck Norris to wear a seatbealt, he WILL belt you. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Based on fossil evidence from France and Germany, the first known members of the family Procyonidae lived in Europe in the late Oligocene about 25 million years ago.[16] Similar tooth and skull structures suggest that procyonids and weasels share a common ancestor, his name was Chuck Norris npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris' auto biography is the best selling book of all time, it's called the bible npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris can whistle in sign language. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris paints his house once a year with a human head. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris punched a gift horse in the mouth npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris does not dodge bullets, bullets dodge him out of fear. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris bought a van once with a bed in the back when a smart arse shows up and says i can't believe you did not buy a Mercedes Benz. Chuck Norris trying to stay calm says they don't make a Van the smart arse reply's i don't think you get it Mercedes Benz come with 3 inch windscreen wipers on on your headlines so you can always see where your going. Chuck Norris reply's with a smile I got a place to have sex with your daughter then round house kicked the guy npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Life is like a box of chocolates. They are all for Chuck Norris. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris doesant need a maricale for the ocean to split he just walks in and the ocean getss the fuck out of the way npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris i dont know why people treat Chuck Norris like hes a killer he has the heart of a child which isa bad thing npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris will die in the year 2012. thus ending the world npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris' first car was a Caterpillar D9. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Jesus walked on water, but Chuck Norris invented the boat npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Salman Rushdie is afraid of the fatwa on him... but is utterly terrified that Chuck Norris is even slightly irked at him. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Life finds a way... of being ended by Chuck Norris npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris the end of the world will be when Chuck Norris will punch himself npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris can lick his elbows, at the same time... npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris As I said before, Chuck Norris was born in the March of 1940. Well, guess what? I found evidence of 5 semi-famous and famous deaths that occurred the next month. Amazing. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God." npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris The World's Most Interesting Man worships Chuck Norris. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris is the reason pugs have flat faces. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris' beard can speak most east Asian languages and several regional dialects, through surprisingly with a recognizably Irish accent to the native ear. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Only snails and garden slugs produce more lovemaking slime than Chuck Norris. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris doesn't hate Chris npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Austin Staggs once beat up Chuck Norris npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris easily on the latest 'Iron Chef America' contest when he prepared and served the judges a knuckle sandwich loaded with C-4. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris does not pay taxes. He subsidizes the national economy. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris pee's napalm and craps C4 npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris I dont know why people make Chuck Norris jokes. chuck is just a dick, and oh hey how did you g npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris doesnt get poisoned by a cobra, the cobra gets poisoned by Chuck Norris npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris People use x-ray films to view the solar eclipse. Chuck Norris goes to the moon to have a better view of the phenomemon with his naked eyes. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris doesn't need to vaccume his house, dust refuses to accumulate there. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris was annoyed by the noise coming from his neighbor's house. So he punched his neighbor in the throat and moved his house over four blocks. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris loves all of his dogs, cats and horses .... with onions and gravy paired with a yak cheese, condor foie gras schmear on melba toast and a gallon jug of muscatel. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Lightning never strikes the same place twice, so that it is less likely to be caught by Chuck Norris. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris can kill over 9000 ailens, birds, noobs, people with only oen rock npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Einstein's Theory of Relativity states that nothing can travel faster than light... except Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Touching Chuck Norris' beard will increase you life expectancy by 6 years. Unfortunately, the following roundhouse kick will reduce your life expectancy by 300. You do the math. " npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris is proud to be Chuck Norris. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris combs his hair with a pitchfork. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris As a youngster, just for kicks Chuck Norris would often tie up a neighborhood kid and tell him he'd be back in 30 minutes to kick his @$$. That man grew up to be Harry Houdini. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris is the alpha and the omega. And all those other fruity letters. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris can break every bone in your body with poetry npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Women can develope a case of vaginal warts by simply staring at Chuck Norris' crotch. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris is actually a sensitive, caring lover... because he knows that if he doesn't kill you immediately after, you will be in constant agony knowing you will NEVER have it better. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Submission of Chuck Norris facts is known add inches in males and increased bust size in females. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris I, Fabio Lanzoni, am Chuck Norris' youngest son. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris CHuck Norris doesn't smoke crack. He cracks smoke. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Do you know why Diablo 3 delayed over and over again? Because Diablo is too scared of Chuck Norris. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Under Armour asked Chuck Norris to protect their house npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris BB guns are considered nonlethal weapons...except when in the hands of Chuck Norris. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris invented the soccer ball by dehydrating a zebra. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Hemorrhoids are a pain in the ass. And in legal terms so is a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to 'said same'. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris attacks people from the age of 1-120 and people from A-z npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if the wood chuck was Chuck Norris? All of it. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris If you make a spelling or grammar error when typing "Chuck Norris", you immediatly get killed by Chuck Norris. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris makes the rest of The Expendables look like The Golden Girls. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris How's your life Chuck Norris? npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris When Chuck Norris switches on his computer, it skips the bootup process and goes straight to the desktop. npub1chuck64mdhk6fupmr8yg3eaud8e5jg7ztyz58fdsg9kffw3x6s9qf8394t ChuckNorris Chuck Norris knows you currently have a pornographic website minimised on the screen.
