Staff Chief of Joints

-Hailing from parts unknown!
-Purveyor of Fine Toots
-Comma enthusiast
-Boytato
-He thinks he's funny / Please humor him

Musical noodlings and loops:
http://youtube.com/@the_etrain

My bullshit:
https://justmytoots.com/@[email protected]

#nosearch #nobot #noindex

Public Key

npub1cnhhu6tn9q403akzv4a3l60hgrlfny78rj7532m5z2plqk6qj0cqcxvhjf

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsvfmm7d9ejs2hc7mpx27cla8m5pl5ej0r3e02g4d6p9qlstdqf8uqpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dspatcp6

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1cnhhu6tn9q403akzv4a3l60hgrlfny78rj7532m5z2plqk6qj0cqcxvhjf

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Last Notes

2026-05-13 16:30:18 GMT

It's a common misconception that Mastodon is just for nerds. It's also suitable for dweebs and the mildly horny.

2026-04-29 20:30:49 GMT

Gonna open a bar and the logo is an inebriated rooster spilling a beer. It's called The Sloppy Cock.

2026-04-09 10:45:10 GMT

My kid: It's going to be in the 80s next week.
Me: Oh yah? That sounds nice.
Kid: That means we don't need to wear our bike helmets and we can drink from the hose.
Me: What? No.

2026-04-08 23:54:41 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
You're like a reverse vampire. But, like, only about the garlic thing.

2026-04-08 23:47:38 GMT

Help me, garlic breadsticks. You're my only hope.

2026-04-03 00:05:55 GMT

Trans-lunar hot beef injection

2026-03-30 20:26:25 GMT

Honorary PhD in tootology.

2026-03-24 22:44:18 GMT

Shoulda never let computers start talking to each other. Huge fucking mistake.

2026-03-22 15:54:21 GMT

Good news: I've created a self-sustaining fusion reaction. Bad news: it's in my colon.

2026-03-21 22:57:36 GMT

#mosstodon
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/269/629/649/596/677/original/3fb18f98ce557509.jpg

2026-03-21 18:38:36 GMT

Spring has begun.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/268/615/200/617/894/original/51aeca06e21b083a.jpeg

2026-03-21 16:34:18 GMT

A man in a crab costume is a snappy dresser.

2026-03-20 10:26:41 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…nahu @nprofile…prl4
Seconded!

2026-03-19 22:29:40 GMT

Barista: Can I get a name for the order?
Me: *looks around* *leans in* *whispers* ...Banksy.

2026-03-18 23:13:13 GMT

*long drag on cigarette* I was Banksy once.

2026-03-09 18:34:31 GMT

She deviled my eggs til I was out of mayonnaise.

2026-03-09 18:12:51 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
If I'm doing my math right, that's 24 deviled eggs.

2026-03-09 16:25:41 GMT

Deviled egg season is approaching.

2026-03-08 22:43:35 GMT

I finished the pie, but just to make room in the fridge.

2026-03-06 20:25:23 GMT

Alright USA people, who had square dancing as part of gym class? I'm not the only one.

2026-02-28 00:08:39 GMT

The biggest lie ever told is that a tube of Pringles has 6 servings in it.

2026-02-27 19:00:49 GMT

You know who else had a glow up? Three Mile Island.

2026-02-27 14:35:29 GMT

*long drag on cigarette* Kid, this is Mastodon. We're all the algorithm here. You. Me. Everybody. Now get out there and boost somebody's bullshit.

2026-02-26 22:14:34 GMT

I'm legitimately pissed off that it's 2026. Like, that's not a real year. That's a year that flashes on a movie screen suggesting a distant future that will never be here. Get outta here with that shit. 2026.

2026-02-26 00:55:18 GMT

Counter offer: I gorge myself on cheese and fall asleep on the couch.

2026-02-24 01:44:00 GMT

I should be eating berries in cave, but ohhhh no. We just had to have a bronze age, didn't we.

2026-02-19 23:26:51 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
Oh, hey! *wipes Dorito hands on pants*

2026-02-19 23:13:09 GMT

Catfish accounts! Neat-o!

2026-02-09 21:49:37 GMT

What if the real treasure is the thousands of emails I've ignored over the past 20 years?

2026-02-08 21:33:29 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…9jxk
They can edit out booing, but not that?

2026-02-06 18:42:00 GMT

Nobody does the beard of bees thing anymore. It's prime time for a comeback.

2026-02-06 13:41:12 GMT

I always found it strange that people seem to be grossed out that their parents ever had sex at all, when the thing that's really off-putting is that they were probably bad at it.

2026-02-05 20:16:40 GMT

McNuggets topped with caviar. That's it folks. Shut it down. Shut the whole thing down. We're done.

2026-02-05 16:36:17 GMT

Not now, sweetie. The internet demands more content.

2026-02-05 13:27:43 GMT

Apparently, Thursday is the day we fuck the bees now.

2026-02-02 16:40:30 GMT

I need some opinions. I'm thinking about posting music content to YouTube. I'm very much not a fan of them or Google, but I want to try to make a buck off of my looping videos, and this seems like where you have to go to make that happen. What say ye, pocket friends?

2026-01-30 14:24:17 GMT

A documentary about me is also being pulled from entire countries, but it's because of what I did to the taco bar in that one scene.

2026-01-30 01:15:40 GMT

I remember when I used to like things. Those were good times.

2026-01-30 01:00:27 GMT

What's the yellow pages? Well it was a book as big as a dictionary with thousands of phone numbers. It also contained the white pages. Business yellow, personal white. How did we get it? You just came home one day and it was on your doorstep like the stork had delivered a baby. Things were different back then.

2026-01-28 01:46:39 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…dyu0
Love is messy.

2026-01-28 01:45:30 GMT

- reply

This next song is about climbing into a big pot of cheese with your lady and some bread.

2026-01-27 20:28:01 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
This is gonna be gouda.

2026-01-27 20:15:59 GMT

Ok, hear me out. Fondue, but the pot of cheese can comfortably fit 3 adults.

2026-01-27 19:01:31 GMT

I have a hypersensitivity to bullshit.

2026-01-27 17:45:02 GMT

People keep assuming I can handle responsibility, despite all evidence to the contrary.

2026-01-26 20:44:48 GMT

My POV from 8am to 3pm today.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/963/345/791/794/050/original/67b3e501bc0f8ca8.mp4

2026-01-26 14:17:14 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…udc0
Oh yes. And soooo much sleet.

2026-01-26 13:11:10 GMT

I hadn't even had breakfast and my neighbor managed to get his car semi-permanently stuck at the end of his driveway. Gonna be an amazing day.

2026-01-25 12:57:13 GMT

This calls for bacon. Lots of bacon.

2026-01-24 01:21:25 GMT

Having kids is like, what if it was a constant fucking free-for-all around here? And you get to pay for all of it.

2026-01-23 21:55:55 GMT

I have a large amount of gas (for my snow blower).

2026-01-23 18:13:40 GMT

Too old for this shit. Not old enough for that shit. Gimme some of that middle age shit. Kickin' ass until about 8pm type shit.

2026-01-23 16:42:15 GMT

It's disturbing and I can't explain any of it *gestures at everything*

2026-01-22 01:36:53 GMT

Well, either the disease bags I work with or the disease bags I live with found a virus I'm not immune to. This is bullshit.

2026-01-21 13:25:21 GMT

Ok, AI guitar amps is where I just start burning shit down.

2026-01-21 11:02:56 GMT

Society: Stop being weird.
Me: No.

2026-01-20 20:26:54 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
I'm disgusting. That's the message. I hope it's coming through.

2026-01-20 20:06:33 GMT

Sent my boss a Word document and he called me on the phone to confirm this is something we could make changes to.

2026-01-20 20:04:41 GMT

Just discovered I've been rolling over a piece of chocolate with my desk chair since this morning. At least I hope it's chocolate. It tastes like chocolate anyway.

2026-01-20 02:16:37 GMT

The hills have eyes. The mountains have ears. That valley? It's got a sweet ass.

2026-01-20 02:03:13 GMT

You there, sir! You look like you could use a kick in the head! Can I interest you in some social media?

2026-01-20 00:40:04 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
Too much? I was going for too much.

2026-01-20 00:34:27 GMT

He's a 10. But he wipes back to front.

2026-01-19 23:57:06 GMT

Let's meet in the middle. We'll both fuck half the way off.

2026-01-17 01:28:36 GMT

Gonna build a little blanket fort over the electric radiator because I can't afford a sauna.

2026-01-17 00:44:47 GMT

Eating wasabi peas, and I can't stop wondering how bad it would be if I stuck a couple up my nose.

2026-01-17 00:42:17 GMT

If you ever stop and think "I shouldn't post this, it doesn't make any sense", you should have already hit the toot button by then.

2026-01-16 22:48:23 GMT

Eat shit AND die? Oh, thank god. I thought you had said "or".

2026-01-15 13:52:27 GMT

I wonder if there's a Japanese word for the loneliness you feel when you don't have any packages left to track.

2026-01-14 13:06:52 GMT

[prospector voice] There's gold in that thar ragebait!

2026-01-13 02:10:57 GMT

Knave: Sire, the label has been created, but the package has not been tendered to the carrier. What shall we do?
Me: Wait til the morrow, then track it again. If still nothing, prepare the hounds.

2026-01-13 01:13:21 GMT

Lab grown meat is when science gives you a boner.

2026-01-12 18:15:23 GMT

Just got my first Mastodon royalty payment and it's in a crypto currency called Tootcoin. I did not read the fine print.

2026-01-10 00:26:43 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
Are they pining for my company?

2026-01-10 00:22:31 GMT

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
Have any of the trees been aspen about me?

2026-01-09 20:23:41 GMT

The sumthin' extra is extra percussion. This is a fun loop I really enjoyed making.
https://spectra.video/w/tprSSFPhVmFFQzyZiUWAEc

2026-01-09 19:58:08 GMT

I've been holding back on a fun loop I made last weekend. Might be time to post it, being Friday and all. Everyone in the UK had a couple drinks yet?

2026-01-09 19:19:07 GMT

Only 2pm but it feels like it's already the heat death of the universe.

2026-01-09 18:34:15 GMT

What do you mean he flew too close to the son? Icarus IS the son. This doesn't make any fucking sense.

2026-01-07 14:18:17 GMT

"Naturally flavored with other natural flavors" are words I just read on food packaging and I feel like there's a wink at the end of that.

2026-01-05 17:27:24 GMT

2032. That's gonna be my year. I can feel it.

2026-01-04 02:44:58 GMT

So, anyone seen any good city sized asteroids lately?

2026-01-03 23:54:57 GMT

The opposite of smarty pants is dumbarees.

2026-01-03 18:21:51 GMT

Gonna drink about 4 pots of coffee and go scream at cars because it feels right in this moment.

2026-01-03 16:17:27 GMT

Officially declaring myself not crazy, and that I have indeed been surrounded by insane people this whole time.

2025-12-31 16:50:00 GMT

My resolution for this year is to find six new ways to fuck up.

2025-12-31 02:16:54 GMT

Have you been putting up with all this shit this whole time? Then you might be entitled to compensation.

2025-12-30 12:39:08 GMT

Sweet summer child implies bitter winter bastard.

2025-12-29 02:39:32 GMT

Sure, I'll eat that whole thing of pub cheese. Just get out my way.

2025-12-28 20:27:48 GMT

Give the people what they want (it's ham).

2025-12-28 02:37:16 GMT

"Jurassic times call for jurassic measures!", I yelled from atop the tyrannosaurus.

2025-12-28 01:12:12 GMT

I'd like to be rewilded now, thank you. Just anywhere in the middle of the woods will be fine.

2025-12-22 22:20:29 GMT

A beautiful sky at dusk tonight.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/765/544/773/335/239/original/60feda1b3e63ede4.jpg

2025-12-22 17:04:53 GMT

Oatmeal in a cookie. What's next? Salad in a candy bar?

2025-12-22 16:01:09 GMT

Computer, disable all safety protocols and boost that toot.

2025-12-21 18:26:21 GMT

People living in the top half of the rotating spheroid can start having a little extra sunlight after today. As a little treat.

2025-12-19 00:40:37 GMT

Bring me all the carbohydrates. All of them. My body demands it.

2025-12-18 19:17:47 GMT

Can I interest you in our all you can eat, bottomless, free refill, never ending I don't give a fuck for $19.95?

2025-12-18 11:51:25 GMT

I just goolgled "ejection pants" and the AI result said, that's not a common term, but this is what it probably means, even though "ejection pants" is just some nonsense that popped into my head.
Then, it occurred to me, every AI result is "this is what it probably means" because it has no fucking idea what ANYTHING means.

2025-12-18 11:41:59 GMT

Million dollar idea: ejection pants.