Jonty Wareing

Accidentally responsible

Public Key

npub1cs5qktws0832752dau5seszmh3dafngrnhtem6wnz6mztncqmvdsusar7x

NIP-05 Address

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsvg2qt9hg8nc4029x772gvcpdmck75e5pem4uaa8f3dd39euqdkxcpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0ds66j90a

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1cs5qktws0832752dau5seszmh3dafngrnhtem6wnz6mztncqmvdsusar7x

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Last Notes

2026-07-31 12:28:50 GMT

Google Earth added a weird "edit with AI" mode, so I fixed the biggest error in London.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/014/581/505/260/000/original/e0f818d44e9b24b8.png

2026-06-16 14:27:01 GMT

You know you're doing something weird when a tent supplier says "wow you are having a lot of tents" and their order is 1/4 of the total amount

2026-06-06 15:08:09 GMT

Life goal: Get a plaque this good
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/703/775/017/482/811/original/3b32bbb0eefb8a0d.jpg

2026-05-27 15:20:05 GMT

Absolutely flabbergasted at Last.fm finally being independent again after two decades of neglect by CBS. Incredibly exciting.
https://support.last.fm/t/last-fm-is-now-independent/118591
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/647/208/290/073/266/original/9a5a4a2426829820.png

2026-03-27 19:49:20 GMT

It's mine, I tell you. My own. My precious.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/302/867/112/011/026/original/5aa1feb10a70ed64.jpg

2026-03-25 11:42:42 GMT

Spotted by a friend in Hawaii
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/289/626/969/842/718/original/b66a941aea5ee1b9.jpg

2026-03-10 13:40:51 GMT

Someone buzzed our doorbell just to show us their bum
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/205/154/419/229/420/original/c9fe8e803de5ff92.mp4

2026-03-03 14:50:52 GMT

Extremely cursed adapter. Someone please ban my aliexpress account.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/165/791/047/384/738/original/6cd96a9a16092690.jpg
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/165/791/091/764/853/original/797584717185f0bb.jpg

2026-03-03 00:55:34 GMT

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You'd think this was obvious but I am quite sick of high-volume bloggers being cited as objective truth

2026-03-03 00:51:37 GMT

Just because people publish a lot on the internet doesn't mean they are right

2026-03-01 22:30:32 GMT

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@nprofile…yzy8 @nprofile…9d4g has the famous email address [email protected]

2026-03-01 12:40:44 GMT

Today a bunch of my open-source projects got slammed by incorrect AI-written vulnerability reports demanding $299 for disclosure
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/153/959/000/844/073/original/52c4a86051bf97c5.png

2026-02-22 18:41:13 GMT

Got myself some shed shelving made by a company with a name you can only pronounce in a guttural scream
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/115/720/102/580/522/original/eb2bf413473a597b.png

2026-02-22 18:32:27 GMT

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@nprofile…65q8 The new Android 16 desktop mode is really surprisingly good, I can't wait for it to start supporting resolutions >1080p

2026-02-01 17:31:05 GMT

All I want is a giant pile of funding to recover important lost websites and publish the information as useful open data

2026-01-27 14:41:58 GMT

Post your inbox counts. I want to see how bad it gets.
Me: 72 emails, 63 unread.

2026-01-24 20:03:02 GMT

Today in headlines that sound like a joke set-up
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/951/856/940/104/417/original/89293d1d24a5c096.png

2026-01-20 23:07:27 GMT

Important
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/929/919/200/006/533/original/7b8786a5f293abb7.mp4

2026-01-06 20:28:48 GMT

Oh you think your Home Assistant install is cursed?
A friend of mine has a broken fridge thermostat. For the last year it has been regulated by Home Assistant using a zigbee temperature sensor, turning the entire fridge off and on with a smart plug. He likes this.

2025-12-31 17:10:36 GMT

One last project before the year ends: An analysis of historical drone display NOTAMs in collaboration with the Financial Times.
Page two of today's FT UK print edition: https://www.ft.com/content/4479ecf5-5267-4346-89e2-07c2605c5fa2
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/815/284/366/021/850/original/4c3d8448c9ca28f3.png

2025-12-30 23:01:14 GMT

new fear just dropped
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/810/999/096/157/596/original/a503dad2fe27c99b.png

2025-12-27 20:07:24 GMT

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@nprofile…84gr At the same time it is inevitable you will contract cccbola and the viruses doing the rounds right now are *real nasty*. I'm only just recovered after two months.

2025-12-27 20:00:38 GMT

The worst part of Christmas, where everyone is at #39c3 and I am not

2025-12-26 21:15:22 GMT

Intensely fixating on domestic rabbit habitats was not on my boxing day bingo card

2025-12-26 19:32:54 GMT

Long shot, does anyone have an unwanted rabbit hutch in London?
Poor thing was found abandoned on Wanstead Flats today and we are considering giving it an emergency home

2025-12-24 17:59:21 GMT

Time between walking through my relatives door and fixing a tech issue that has been "driving them mad": 8 minutes.
The TV was in demo mode. It has been in demo mode for several months.

2025-12-23 18:29:34 GMT

My pitch: Equip the train quiet carriage with a faraday cage

2025-12-23 15:16:22 GMT

"AI is a force multiplier!!!"
Yes but some engineers should not be having their force multiplied. It's like giving a tank to a gerbil.

2025-12-19 00:09:00 GMT

Took delivery of an extremely 2000's VR glove in the pub.
Yes I am on the bus. I have no shame.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/743/305/064/763/955/original/b06bd1e34e8be4d5.jpg

2025-12-18 15:17:41 GMT

We would love an introduction to someone at Infineon/Cypress for @nprofile…hpmv badge purposes.
Surely one of you has a contact there. I can pay in stickers.

2025-12-14 00:46:30 GMT

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@nprofile…k72k Alternative reading: How do we activate the remaining 19% we don't already know, this job isn't going to pull itself

2025-12-12 22:04:39 GMT

Sometimes you read about old technology, get to the end of the sentence, and have to read it again because it sounds so completely ludicrous you can't quite believe it actually worked.
Anyway Eidophor projectors are what they used for Apollo Mission Control.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eidophor
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/708/851/102/469/551/original/4165b781bf606dd2.png

2025-12-12 11:53:46 GMT

I am in a group chat with a bunch of journalists who seem to be in complete denial about being neurodiverse, despite every single bit of their output signalling otherwise.

2025-12-06 13:14:29 GMT

This morning I used the handy "go to point" function of our robot vacuum to deliver toast to my partner in the living room and heard an "oh for fucks sake" in response

2025-12-03 12:03:38 GMT

Idiots: "The arts have no purpose"
Me:
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/655/528/718/667/393/original/e8882eae563b369a.jpg

2025-11-27 18:49:40 GMT

My favourite souvenir from the Osaka Expo (World's Fair) is a pair of excellent ENGINEER brand screw removal pliers, decorated with the horrifying Expo mascot.
More events need commemorative tools please.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/623/150/680/682/071/original/d8ad8ad883877ebe.jpg

2025-11-25 19:52:43 GMT

While walking down the street a dead drone dropped out of the sky and almost hit me.
Finally, it feels like living in the future.

2025-11-21 18:04:18 GMT

Discovered our industrial receipt printer can produce output of unlimited length, really fast.
So here's a two story high version of timecube.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/588/985/307/320/415/original/f5aa3e4ff02379ea.jpg

2025-11-19 10:56:02 GMT

Types of camera I have used to dial in for work calls:
* Webcam
* 360
* Mirrorless
* Drone
* Thermal
* LiDAR
* Microscope
* Endoscope
Taking suggestions for the next horror I inflict on my colleagues

2025-11-18 11:57:25 GMT

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@nprofile…hqvp Occasionally 300 to 400 later. Moving steadily, moderate or poor. 200 for a time. Good.

2025-11-17 12:10:23 GMT

This morning I discovered a bunch of London accelerationists are holding a VC-funded hackathon to build AI powered dancing robots with the final "robot rave" in a Margaret Thatcher themed nightclub, and I would like to go back to bed now please.

2025-11-15 21:18:15 GMT

"Those puzzle games won't teach you anything" said my parents.
30 years later, rewiring the boiler:
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/555/780/009/204/065/original/1fca8f3ce4ed0fd2.jpg

2025-11-14 13:06:26 GMT

Really, all I want is to become Theo Jansen and build wiggling wind robots on a beach for the rest of my life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANhA94ZqnEQ
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/548/188/044/248/180/original/e7312f2803737d84.png

2025-11-13 19:11:32 GMT

My partner walked in and asked if I was still working.
What was on my screen:
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/543/963/650/221/204/original/a2e6b8b04d40e363.png

2025-11-04 17:24:13 GMT

If you're wondering how my day is going I just got this contract from the council
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/492/582/646/425/400/original/98044ffa9efda1e6.png

2025-10-31 21:14:13 GMT

Tomorrow I need to choose between installing our heating or collecting a motorised satellite dish. Being warm, or SATELLITES. How do you even decide.

2025-10-31 11:50:12 GMT

My mac froze and the trackpad stopped clicking (the haptics are from a linear motor).
Moments later it unfroze and the trackpad started clicking furiously, all on it's own, emulating the click patterns I tried to make while it was dead.
I do not want a haunted trackpad.

2025-10-28 13:37:05 GMT

I always forget about my complete archive of UK government source code until I receive panicked emails asking me to delete things from it.
This time it was password hashes. A *lot* of password hashes.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/452/046/108/419/668/original/a70aa0fc9325ce6e.png

2025-10-27 19:47:52 GMT

Nothing beats the rush of realising your PGP key will expire in a matter of hours and racing against the clock to remember exactly how you sacrifice a goat to extend it's lifetime

2025-10-27 19:27:19 GMT

If you want your thing to last, and you can make your thing into a static website: You should.
Not because it's less infrastructure. Not because you love javascript. Not because self-hosting. Not because *offline*.
Because it can be archived and preserved for the future.

2025-10-27 17:24:51 GMT

I am calling for a moratorium on new brands
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/447/282/757/802/575/original/033d9dca34efd514.png

2025-10-20 15:56:51 GMT

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@nprofile…84gr It is a genuinely brilliant thing and I recommend doing it if you ever get the chance (maybe not the drinking portion but the ride)

2025-10-20 15:52:51 GMT

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@nprofile…84gr There's a bike ride in London called the Dunwich Dynamo that has historically been organised by drunk bike couriers who thought it would be fun to cycle 112 miles overnight to the coast.
It's now so large that pubs and venues along the route stay open all night for it, and some absolute lunatics treat the entire thing as one massive pub crawl. I have no idea how they do it.

2025-10-20 15:44:37 GMT

Terrible ideas I never built #234: PUB-G
A competitive battle royale choose-your-own-path pub crawl within a slowly shrinking boundary that ends up with everyone in the same pub.
Obviously, everyone loses.

2025-10-20 12:53:14 GMT

Today this seems to be the federated network of bad takes about us-east-1 from people who think self-hosting on a raspberry pi is a good idea

2025-10-19 23:37:29 GMT

That thing where I want to post a fedi link in work chat but the mastodon server domain name would get me fired

2025-10-19 17:14:43 GMT

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@nprofile…l4xy Hell yes, are you going to publish the designs?

2025-10-18 11:14:09 GMT

The fastest way to make me pay for your newsletter is to start an article with this sentence
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/394/866/141/833/319/original/05d0e611fef4c953.png

2025-10-16 09:36:20 GMT

Good morning from this row of excited boxes
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/383/157/812/371/528/original/fdcfb15cc8469b40.jpg

2025-10-11 11:56:23 GMT

Approximately every nerd has read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy yet somehow we still don't have an offline Wikivoyage/Wikitravel editor I can use to angrily make corrections about public transit ticketing while riding a foreign subway

2025-09-07 15:21:21 GMT

Whoever said "If in doubt it's probably Jonty's fault" at the London Museum of Water & Steam today: You were overheard by my agents.
You were probably also correct.

2025-09-05 07:30:38 GMT

Good morning to everyone - especially the council worker freestyle rapping about distributing recycling bags, while distributing recycling bags

2025-08-23 12:31:00 GMT

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@nprofile…saev I'm going to be in Shanghai next month and am seriously considering getting the high-speed train to Beijing just to see this tiny museum display (also, cool train)

2025-08-23 12:28:28 GMT

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@nprofile…saev It's all correct, but that is a Janney coupler not a Zhan coupler. There is no such thing as a Zhan coupler.
Zhan Tianyou is considered the father of Chinese railways and recommended the Janney coupler be adopted, but it seems there is a story that he invented it too.
There's apparently a display in the Zhan Tianyou Memorial Museum outside Beijing about the coupler and I desperately want someone to visit it.
This video is the origin of the entire tiktok: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfftD6xWxB4

2025-08-23 11:55:06 GMT

I am now 30 minutes into fact-checking a catchy tiktok about rail car couplings, send help

2025-08-22 10:26:10 GMT

Bring me the head of the Logitech designer responsible for this
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/071/924/454/066/088/original/44220a51584a1a84.png

2025-08-15 15:33:55 GMT

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@nprofile…0f64 I am super interested in all this and would really love to see something succeed. Ping me if I can be useful.

2025-08-15 15:31:41 GMT

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@nprofile…0f64 I'm not saying that mesh networks can't work - I'm not even saying that Meshtastic can't work. I'm just saying that right now building a base on Meshtastic is setting people up to fail when disaster comes calling.
There are other projects like Meshcore and Reticulum that are interesting and definitely solve *some* of the issues with Meshtastic, but I'm not sure either of them are The Answer. Reticulum definitely has real potential as it can use any transport, not just LoRA.

2025-08-15 15:27:52 GMT

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@nprofile…0f64 I say this after several years playing with it, desperately trying to make it work well in London.
A group in Amsterdam just set out to do just what you describe, didn't listen to anyone saying "this isn't going to work well", and after a month or two has concluded that ...it doesn't work. They are now trying to pay people to figure out why it doesn't work, rather than reevaluating the technology choice.

2025-08-15 15:26:28 GMT

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@nprofile…0f64 I cannot state this strongly enough: Meshtastic is *not* suitable for this as-is, nor is it likely to be anytime soon. It is riding on a huge wave of hype but the underlying technology does not scale well or offer the kinds of guarantees that are needed in disaster situations.

2025-08-15 09:28:39 GMT

Its a sign
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/032/066/849/144/905/original/a98829efc1f63633.jpg

2025-08-14 12:16:44 GMT

Signal, the software mandated by people who can't understand why their parents refused to use Jabber

2025-08-12 10:26:59 GMT

TIL "Gardens of the World" in Berlin has detailed replicas of foreign horticultural parks.
Los Angeles is represented by six palm trees behind a chain-link fence in the car park
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/015/285/206/339/706/original/d112738a7f09a3a2.jpg

2025-08-11 16:30:51 GMT

I regret to inform you that "SXSW London 2026 will take place from 1–6 June across multiple venues in Shoreditch, East London"
Realistically I'll struggle to make https://fkfj.london happen on those dates due to @nprofile…ja78 - would anyone else like to step up?

2025-08-07 17:00:47 GMT

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@nprofile…xg92 @nprofile…u7fg Had a real scare at CCC when we couldn't find it at the end of camp. Eventually it was discovered, battery flat, in a toilet stall.
There is now an emergency WoT locator device

2025-08-06 10:46:21 GMT

My #why2025 FOMO got substantially worse after discovering the badge has built-in pyrotechnics

2025-07-30 20:31:07 GMT

"Radioactive wasp nest found at South Carolina site where U.S. once made nuclear bombs"
"No wasps were found, officials said"
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/radioactive-wasp-nest-savannah-river-south-carolina-nuclear-bombs-site/
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/944/071/755/302/996/original/5c94b3b7d15b8b3b.png

2025-07-30 11:39:27 GMT

I'm off backpacking and need a new small/light laptop since the death of my beloved 11" Macbook Air.
Requirements:
* Decent keyboard
* An OS I can write code on (Not Windows)
* 512gb+ storage
Current frontrunner is the Chuwi Minibook X N150. Any other suggestions?

2025-07-29 12:19:25 GMT

Newspapers printing public keys for whistleblowers in every physical issue is cyberpunk AF
https://bsky.app/profile/lambda.bsky.social/post/3lv3wgvvbac2t
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/936/477/132/921/970/original/83839b1ad15cf53e.png

2025-07-23 15:54:15 GMT

My watch gained gemini powers overnight. I asked it what the kitchen temperature is.
This is definitely ready for consumers.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/903/345/505/571/812/original/894768009b78b96d.jpg

2025-07-23 11:04:10 GMT

For the second time in a month I've been mistaken for a famous DJ - not even the same one.
Why am I suddenly giving house DJ vibes. Is this a sign.

2025-07-09 12:38:40 GMT

One day I am finally going to launch my distributed Industrial Espionage as a Service company consisting of freelancers sitting in coffee shops and WeWork common areas.
People: Shut up! Just shut up. Stop having sensitive conversations in public places.

2025-07-06 23:39:37 GMT

Just saw someone advertising a "hacker house" flat share where you apply for a room by sending your linkedin.
Nothing else. Just your linkedin. Imagine the housemates.

2025-07-05 11:35:00 GMT

Happy Saturday! Please enjoy this important training video.
https://youtu.be/QMMmyOGaUvY
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/800/412/376/850/581/original/0dd3178208d06c6c.mp4

2025-07-03 16:58:13 GMT

Look, I just need several million dollars to fund a personal R&D department who handle finishing my side projects and researching weird questions I have at 4am. Stop acting like I'm being unreasonable.

2025-07-02 12:40:00 GMT

Expanding foam did not enjoy the heatwave
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/783/672/630/010/041/original/3ace94876dad19ed.jpg

2025-06-25 10:22:00 GMT

In retrospect, staying up until 5am writing frivolous code and drinking whisky was a terrible idea

2025-06-24 17:27:52 GMT

Are you a giant Glastonbury Festival nerd? Have you always wanted ALL THE DATA that you can see in the app, but not play with?
I got you: https://github.com/Jonty/glastonbury-app-data
Also, I made maps! Have a map of toilets: https://github.com/Jonty/glastonbury-app-data/blob/main/data/2025/geojson/TOILET.geojson
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/739/514/233/005/362/original/e77b2f0fc7a1cb58.png

2025-06-23 15:08:24 GMT

What the hell is in this soap dispenser
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/733/289/336/986/516/original/976a70f21cbf87c0.jpg
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/733/289/671/212/568/original/24f10a5bafb7b9f8.jpg

2025-06-21 20:46:00 GMT

[delirious with heat, browsing aliexpress]
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/723/307/100/459/597/original/b25365bc289905e9.mp4

2025-06-10 13:00:21 GMT

Companies wonder why they struggle to get good candidates and then have interview processes that rival banned interrogation techniques

2025-06-06 12:01:53 GMT

what the hell did I do last night
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/636/307/498/335/391/original/42de22d21e31e9c9.png

2025-06-03 14:48:46 GMT

Asked claude to fix a broken parser and it just replaced the tricky part with a comment saying "# For this version, we'll leave it empty since the new structure would require more complex parsing".
Mate, I feel you, I can't be bothered to write this either.

2025-06-02 17:53:41 GMT

How did Bob Marley prevent drone attacks?
With jammin'

2025-06-01 15:36:11 GMT

New @nprofile…ja78 policy: Any speakers who supply a rider will have it granted, but interpreted in the manner of an evil genie.
"I would like a bowl of M&Ms with all the brown ones removed"
We have complied with your request and replaced the brown M&Ms with mildly annoyed beetles

2025-05-26 22:53:44 GMT

The best part of open source software is being able to fix things that irritate you.
The worst part of open source software is getting constantly nerd-sniped into fixing things that irritate you

2025-05-26 11:57:48 GMT

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This is the level of chaos I aspire to create

2025-05-26 11:54:17 GMT

Vienna granted asylum to a spherical micronation in 1982, changed their mind, fought all the way to the supreme court, lost, then gave up.
It's still sat in a public park and has 650 citizens.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kugelmugel
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/573/969/813/967/376/original/711f9fbc7302da86.jpg

2025-05-19 14:47:07 GMT

I challenge you to spot what's wrong with this property listing
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/162106859

2025-05-18 07:51:41 GMT

People say the internet is bad
Counterpoint: I just remotely sprayed the cat shitting in our garden with water from 2500km away