MostlyHarmless

Living vicariously through myself.

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npub1g64rr43zkmjnzwft02zqvj7ka2864ezygp04agmhvgnhw7hg0sfs6sv5gq

NIP-05 Address

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsyd2336c3tdef38y4h4pqxf0tw4ra2u3zyqh675dmkyfmh0t58cycpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsggf8fg

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1g64rr43zkmjnzwft02zqvj7ka2864ezygp04agmhvgnhw7hg0sfs6sv5gq

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Last Notes

2024-06-17 18:41:24

https://thecanadian.social/system/media_attachments/files/112/632/953/794/910/616/original/44daeee3f58a5236.jpg

2024-06-11 14:09:27

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2024-06-09 19:52:13

That moment when you realize Weird Al Yankovic has managed to remain culturally relevant far longer than most of the people he's parodied.

2024-06-08 20:01:50

Saw a girl at Starbucks who ordered a coffee but didn’t Instagram it.
The alien invasion has started, I guess.

2024-06-04 06:03:28

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2024-05-28 22:52:15

You ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and just feel glad you’re alive? And just like that I’m not welcome aboard Air Canada any more.

2024-05-25 07:29:44

All you seniors posting about how you survived lead paint, no seatbelts, no helmets etc… I’m very happy for you. Would love to hear sometime from those who didn’t, but for some reason their posts don’t show up on my feed.

2024-05-23 16:27:22

When I was little we didn't have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.

2024-05-22 15:25:56

Dear lady in front of me: it’s a speed bump, not a land mine.

2024-05-21 21:04:20

The best person for the job is generally the one who understands it enough to not want it.

2024-05-19 15:13:08

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2024-05-19 00:31:43

Just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row. Guess I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts.

2024-05-16 20:09:56

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2024-05-12 19:52:20

I think sometimes we as humans ask too much of spandex.

2024-05-08 03:52:42

The most realistic part of Avengers: Age of Ultron was Ultron deciding the whole human race must be destroyed after spending just a few minutes on the Internet.

2024-05-08 00:49:19

"We are experiencing higher than normal call volumes" actually means "We are experiencing normal call volumes and our management is too cheap to hire more minions.”

2024-04-29 15:38:12

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2024-04-28 05:50:18

If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?

2024-04-22 15:29:08

If I had a dollar for every time someone over 55 told me my generation sucks, maybe I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

2024-04-22 00:56:11

Anyone who claims events are staged using "crisis actors" who then keep their part in the conspiracy totally secret has clearly never worked with actors.

2024-04-15 05:03:38

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2024-04-14 00:24:24

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2024-04-13 06:29:21

If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?

2024-04-03 08:05:18

I don’t worry about what other people think; they don’t do it very often.

2024-03-31 01:55:34

When you think about how big the Earth is, and then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it's easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.

2024-03-28 07:23:11

I always sleep better in my underwear; you’d think British Airways would understand this.

2024-03-24 15:53:46

Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

2024-03-24 02:09:48

My parents carried credit cards for emergencies; I carry cash for emergencies.

2024-03-18 15:31:49

There is no reason to tailgate someone in the slow lane, especially when I'm going 30 km over the speed limit. And frankly, those flashing lights on the top of your car look ridiculous.

2024-03-17 19:05:47

Becoming an adult feels like slowly being pushed into a managerial position you didn't really want.

2024-03-14 05:30:43

https://thecanadian.social/system/media_attachments/files/112/092/161/031/112/249/original/b8c47cce45f22858.jpg

2024-03-13 21:46:20

Hiring manager: “How well do you perform under pressure?”
Me: “Not so well, but I can do Bohemian Rhapsody."

2024-03-13 02:26:43

Normal is getting dressed in clothes you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car you’re still paying for to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

2024-03-12 22:03:52

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers… Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

2024-03-12 04:51:56

Rage Against the Machine never specified what kind of machine they were angry with, but I reckon it was probably an inkjet printer.

2024-03-05 07:58:34

"What Orwell failed to predict is that we'd buy the cameras ourselves, and that our biggest fear would be that nobody was watching." - Keith Lowell Jensen

2024-02-26 18:49:10

Before I marry someone, I want to overhear them on the phone with Air Canada Customer Care to see who they really are.

2024-01-29 02:51:39

Why would I go to Starbucks when I can just make a coffee, yell my own name incorrectly, and light a $10 bill on fire?

2024-01-13 21:49:00

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2023-12-05 22:53:42

A great day to test drive a new Lexus, putting a red bow on it and pulling into random people's driveways honking.

2023-11-25 15:19:15

People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words.

2023-10-18 03:46:20

My company was taken over by a larger company based in Madrid yesterday. Everyone was surprised; nobody expects the Spanish acquisition.

2023-09-01 03:27:17

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2023-08-19 19:17:31

Dear CBS, Disney, Apple, Netflix, Amazon, Crave, YouTube, and anyone else trying to push their lousy streaming service: WE'RE NOT PAYING FOR ALL OF YOU; work it out.

2023-08-15 01:46:55

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2023-08-12 15:03:59

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2023-08-07 14:37:18

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2023-08-06 16:04:18

Oh goody. Back to school... knives?
https://thecanadian.social/system/media_attachments/files/110/843/045/898/521/867/original/5bdfbe10baf1c382.png

2023-08-05 19:24:47

Self checkout should include an employee discount.

2023-08-04 08:27:44

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