batkaren

my mom fucked a bat

my posts: batkaren (npub1he2…7mrm)">https://justmytoots.com/batkaren (npub1he2…7mrm)
author: k.t. roth

Public Key

npub1he23n04ulx98psawa2dt3lld38rwp3jpghvmf5aa98emypgqzdss0e7mrm

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqstu4geh670nznscwhw4x4cllkcn3hqceq5tkd56w7jnuajq5qpxcgpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dslqergg

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1he23n04ulx98psawa2dt3lld38rwp3jpghvmf5aa98emypgqzdss0e7mrm

Show more details

Last Notes

2026-07-16 22:09:20 GMT

Oh me? Just refreshing the air quality index site every minute for a time with slightly less sky poison so I can take my dog outside to shit without it being too “killy.”

2026-04-07 17:02:07 GMT

In all seriousness, I really hope our mad king doesn’t kill 93 million people today.

2026-03-25 01:31:46 GMT

Sure, the medication included horrifying side effects with unimaginable consequences, and of course there are far less deleterious treatments we can now explore, but the important thing is the insurance company is happy knowing this one didn’t work first.

2026-02-14 02:23:14 GMT

“Can I explain this gap in my resume? Uh, YEAH…I was dealing with a lot of clone bullshit during that time!” I snarl to the interviewer (who is one of my clones).

2026-01-17 19:48:38 GMT

Are the 12% of dems who oppose abolishing ICE all in Congress?
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/912/165/555/896/975/original/e80d10ca60f4e1af.jpeg

2026-01-10 03:24:51 GMT

Sadly, we must live in the apocalypse we’re dealt, never the one we desire.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/868/661/973/988/862/original/0f88d4ef428592c8.jpeg

2026-01-05 02:09:04 GMT

We fled, taking shelter in a Before Times roller rink.
Inside, the zombie horde slow-skating in a loop stopped and turned to look at us, collectively changing direction under the twinkling disco ball as Flock of Seagulls skipped over the PA system.

2026-01-02 04:43:06 GMT

I just want one pic of me in 2026 that’s half as flattering as this.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/823/669/898/978/758/original/d91ea6a057536b50.jpeg

2025-12-20 04:00:07 GMT

Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Raven
Whose woods upon a midnight dreary
In the village, weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious forest filled with snow
My little horse, she came a tapping
Stopped, as of someone gently rapping
Tapping at my chamber door—the darkest evening yet to know
The woods are lovely, never flitting
But I, the Raven, am still sitting
And my demon eyes have all the seeming of miles yet to go

2025-12-17 02:49:47 GMT

hope
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/732/625/079/509/480/original/0bd546e88ec80028.jpeg

2025-12-05 16:32:56 GMT

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my works, presented to you in this 75-slide PowerPoint deck.

2025-11-27 02:33:39 GMT

social media teaches us to stop caring about spelling, or logic, or manners, or humanity

2025-11-16 17:25:31 GMT

At what financial inflection point does one transition from believing taxes are a reasonable tool for funding government programs to becoming a hungry ghost whose desire for wealth can never be satiated?

2025-11-15 20:55:09 GMT

Just try to deny it, The New Yorker.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/555/700/377/230/183/original/c6befb8a10d3cc2a.jpeg

2025-11-12 18:44:28 GMT

Okay, but Dr. Victor Frankenstein is the father of his creation, meaning the creature IS named Frankenstein.

2025-10-18 03:53:17 GMT

quick question: the googly eyes go on which end of my vibrator?

2025-10-11 02:12:32 GMT

When asked to exemplify interacting on the internet, I asked social media how many witches were burned in Salem.
Many people smugly replied none, because they were hanged…oblivious to the fact that it was because none of the women were fucking witches.

2025-09-01 04:01:11 GMT

1) survey holdings
2) lean contentedly
3) “BEHOLD MY TWO SEATS”
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/127/041/751/649/625/original/9fcf895bd31c572b.png

2025-08-18 16:58:12 GMT

I emerge from the time machine and see my teenaged self.
“Wow,” she says. “You’re me...but, like, old.”
“Yeah,” I tell her.
“Are you here to let me know it gets better?” she asks.
“What? God no—it gets SO much worse. I just came for my last few gulpfuls of clean air.”

2025-08-16 01:27:58 GMT

Subway could launch the funniest ad campaign right now.

2025-08-03 21:44:00 GMT

got kicked out of another cheerleading team tryouts for ranting about the objective case “WHOM do we appreciate”

2025-07-06 15:55:43 GMT

Ass
Butt
Can
Derrière
End
Fanny
Glutes
Heinie
Intestinal Port
Junk
Keister
Lowrider
Moon
Nether Mouth
Opposing Counsel
Posterior
Quarters
Rectum
Seat
Tush
Underside
Vegan Genitals
Wedger
X Marks Dat Booty
Ya Bum Bum
Zoinks What A Tuchus

2025-07-04 22:55:26 GMT

[AI monitors social media while ICE patrols our streets]
“Ah, yes…independence.”

2025-07-03 03:59:51 GMT

Been a while since a dark monolith mysteriously appeared in the desert.

2025-07-01 01:47:34 GMT

Be proactive—become your own unreliable narrator.

2025-05-29 17:10:04 GMT

The fact that queer kids are never indoctrinated into straightness from reading about countless hetero relationships, but the mere whisper of the word gay instantly grooms straight kids for homosexual lifestyles really just goes to show how fabulous it is being queer.

2025-05-27 18:11:14 GMT

Maybe she’s born with it.
Maybe she’s been ground beneath the unceasing wheels of capitalism.

2025-05-21 01:59:10 GMT

Value always plummets once an item’s off-site, which is why people only offer a penny for your thoughts when you give your two cents.

2025-05-02 17:33:16 GMT

How could I possibly trust AI with important shit when I can’t even text “oh god Jill Sobule died in a house fire!” without my phone suggesting I add a flame emoji?!

2025-05-02 02:45:33 GMT

Gotta say—not a fan of the Unceasing Horrors.

2025-04-27 03:01:47 GMT

Zombie Gene Kelly merrily swinging around a lamppost in a brainstorm.

2025-04-25 15:01:27 GMT

“why did I open this app” is my new “why did I walk into this room”

2025-04-20 21:34:16 GMT

“Sir, a second attack plan has hit the Signal chat.”
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/114/372/432/206/841/463/original/9990ca523b3ab0ca.png

2025-04-17 23:29:09 GMT

Public television is a critical part of our community, providing free news, arts, science, kids’ programming, history, documentaries, and entertainment. Tell elected officials how important this service is to you and to your neighbors.
https://protectmypublicmedia.org/urge-congress-email/
#ProtectMyPublicMedia

2025-03-31 01:24:09 GMT

If I had a job requiring scrubs, I'd get ones with the fancy red splatter-paint design.

2025-03-25 18:11:06 GMT

Get in the Signal group chat, loser, we’re doing war crimes.

2025-03-19 04:22:48 GMT

Pretty done with stories about dudes snogging chicks who were drugged unconscious—let’s return to simpler tales where if a guy saw a woman bathing naked, she turned him into a stag and set his own hounds upon him to rip him limb from limb.

2025-01-17 02:25:07 GMT

https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/841/314/348/476/013/original/e6d4e8c2e69b559a.jpg
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/841/314/247/960/084/original/3ad64401a474bac8.jpg

2025-01-03 23:23:01 GMT

It’s crazy that democracy is dying not in darkness but on brightly lit social media platforms because a handful of losers can’t understand that no amount of money or political access can make people like you.

2024-12-14 06:04:33 GMT

Enter the Wingdings-fonted secret code into Microsoft Excel to reveal a fun Easter egg! (Eldritch horrors)

2024-11-26 04:19:05 GMT

Wait…so, this is NOT a mobile dumpster?
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/547/324/858/115/078/original/2a93be2ba8308273.jpg

2024-11-23 17:04:02 GMT

HER: Your welcome—
HIM: It's "you're" welcome
HER: —is overstayed

2024-11-14 23:31:20 GMT

Ran out of lemonade and had to drink water with dinner. Like an animal. This is what ANIMALS drink with their delicate squash gnocchi parmigiana!

2024-11-07 23:23:28 GMT

Hey, Canada—this is how your map could look!
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/444/235/316/137/926/original/d5e1d5acc40f4b56.png

2024-11-01 01:23:22 GMT

"I should move this cup of water so I don't knock it over," I say to myself as I reach for it, knocking it over, spilling water all the fuck over the place.

2024-10-24 01:44:27 GMT

By age 35, your 500-foot burial pyramid should already be 80% complete.

2024-10-17 03:01:36 GMT

You’d think Republicans were into communism given how much they want to seize the means of reproduction.

2024-09-24 16:30:32 GMT

The receptionist at the colonoscopy center asked me to provide photo ID, so I asked, “Do you get a lot of people impersonating others to have fraudulent colonoscopies?”

2024-09-11 03:53:37 GMT

Childless dog enbies for Harris/Walz, too.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/116/890/773/144/344/original/d97633c1c104e232.jpg

2024-09-11 00:44:13 GMT

when my kid and I get matching haircuts
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/116/146/064/665/594/original/365a1bca1d9d15b9.jpg

2024-08-23 05:26:15 GMT

Out here with no earplugs, just straight raw-dogging sound.

2024-08-21 16:25:50 GMT

When J Lo and I inevitably divorce, yes please use the photo of me as Batman.
It’s all I ask for in this life.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/000/937/529/836/895/original/094ef53c22fab707.jpg

2024-08-18 18:57:40 GMT

Over decades, humanity replaced its deceased loved ones with replicants until we were all that remained, each believing ourselves human.

2024-08-15 16:00:53 GMT

If you live in New York, and like me, want people to be allowed to mask, please consider signing this petition. Thank you.
https://action.aclu.org/send-message/say-no-mask-bans-new-york

2024-08-15 02:10:16 GMT

No, JD, the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female is so I can fuck your mom.

2024-08-07 01:08:20 GMT

Everyone awakens marveling at just how well-rested we feel—nobody remarks on the sudden appearance of the giant floating obelisk

2024-08-02 01:56:36 GMT

"I've done it!” I cry out. "I've perfected my robot clone.”
The mechanical duplicate lies on the floor, broken and unmoving.

2024-07-13 18:05:12 GMT

Kinda weird how there are more rules to be in Fight Club than on the Supreme Court.

2024-07-06 04:16:38 GMT

Go on, show me where in the bible it says Thou Shall Not Eat Butt.

2024-06-17 22:58:45 GMT

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of trying to get published.

2024-06-09 15:37:39 GMT

“Turn left in 100 feet,” Siri says.
I drive past the turn.
Siri exhales loud exasperation.

2024-05-17 16:58:19 GMT

Saw a survey asking, "Where do you stand regarding current events?" and immediately thought, "Oh, I definitely oppose them."

2024-05-17 16:58:19 GMT

Saw a survey asking, "Where do you stand regarding current events?" and immediately thought, "Oh, I definitely oppose them."

2024-05-05 16:45:27 GMT

“And why do you go on social media?” the therapist asks me.
“I guess...to have fun?” I say.
The therapist pauses. “And do you? Have fun, that is?”
We stare at each other a few beats, the silence sharp in my ears. I press my lips together and drop my gaze, slowly shaking my head...

2024-05-01 22:55:52 GMT

Taking off my house hoodie and putting on my professional hoodie for a videoconference.

2024-04-16 17:47:11 GMT

HR just conducted a 1.5-hour company-wide interactive chat about awareness of people's different and preferred communication styles, and if they really respected mine, that meeting would have been an email.

2023-10-29 22:45:07 GMT

Happy Halloween watching the real-time horror-show footage of humanity’s collapse.

2023-10-12 19:39:32 GMT

🎶 Aruba, Jamaica,
oh I wanna claim ya
Bermuda, Bahama,
gotta beat da Gama 🎶
- Christopher "Kokomo" Columbus

2022-12-15 13:02:20 GMT

We did it, guys. We made it to the dystopic future.

2022-11-06 21:08:29 GMT

I stand under the shower's spray—blood from my would-be usurper clone twisting down the drain—and slowly realize all my scars are missing…