The king of antisocial media. Blow yourself.
Public Key
npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j Profile Code
nprofile1qqsfgwudnluhtna9wemhdpv3ngjtmd6xyyxdurultcmc4pa744alf7cpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0ds0ucw7y
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Published at
2026-08-28T14:13:10Z Event JSON
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"content": "{\"name\":\"The Turtle\",\"about\":\"The king of antisocial media. Blow yourself.\\n\\nVoted for Trump? Leave. Now.\\n\\nStop having babies before I find and shame the living fuck out of you. I am a big fan of hammers. No longer a tech addict and mostly militantly don't give a shit.\\n\\nRather fast on the block button lately. If you feel the urge to preach, mansplain or victimsplain, quell it. You have a block button, too.\\n\\nDoing my part to feed AI absurd shit so it learns wrong. I like teaching AI wrong.\\n\\nStroke survivor. \\n\\nI don't govy.\\n\\nMooooo: Check the oil in your Ronco® Dild-O-Matic now.\\nOyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy: CHICKENFARTS UBER ALLES!!!\\nLAST TACO BELL BEFORE DEATH VALLEY!: A Mark Goodson/Bill Todman Production\\nYogh?: YOGH!\\n\",\"website\":\"https://mastodon.sdf.org/@the_turtle\",\"picture\":\"https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/accounts/avatars/109/293/902/082/222/533/original/c1dc8d93a376619b.jpg\",\"banner\":\"https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/accounts/headers/109/293/902/082/222/533/original/0ec6599290cecfb2.jpg\",\"nip05\":\"[email protected] \"}" ,
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Last Notes npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle he's s a convenient figurehead, or figureanus. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle 2027 was too soon for trump to figure out how to siphon money off of this somehow. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Around DC, the DC Question when people meet you is always "what do you do?" npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle The mowuss is a continuing point of conflict. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Farty Gras isn't for a few weeks, right? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle regular old Fruit Of The Loom Eversoft Fleece. Fifteen bucks on Amazon, four colors and sizes from small to 4XL. I pretty much live in them. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/115/832/514/909/271/051/original/44dc6b6ccf2e14f2.png npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle "HEY! I DON'T PUT MY ASS ON YOUR STUFF!!" npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle At the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans, Irma Thomas is doing the National Anthem. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle @npub1cqh…a0wq in New York, everybody knew he was an asshole 50 years ago. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle A non-whining 1907 Elgin 291. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle After around 50 years of looking, I may have located a copy of the score of the late George Siravo's 1972 piece, "Fantasy On The Blues." npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle i got Jean two sets of the cat-butt cutters a few years ago. One is larger and features detailed tails and (*) butthole detail, so of course she never makes THOSE... npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle do you have the cat butt cookie cutters? The good ones have a * in the anatomically-correct place. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle i mis-read that as "defecating banter." npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle while initially, I want them voted out, I'd also like to see quite a few of them asked to leave helicopters high over the Atlantic, "fall" from windows, or maybe just get Ceacescued like the old days. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle at least Cassidy is not a complete asshole. I have no idea how he deals with that other "John Kennedy" from Louisiana. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle i woulda said something like "mandatory Crocs" or something. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle "corn," and then everything else in the grains were ignored. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/115/632/429/077/801/521/original/359204bd1e2fb628.jpg npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle I have no idea how StubHub can lose such an assload of money. Their whole business is about selling stuff they don't buy and don't own... four bucks a share is an assload of money. Over a billion dollars. Are they giving people's tickets away? They don't have any expensive ads featuring annoying D-listers. Are they heating the office by burning money? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle years ago a lady refused to date me. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Every time one of the characters in a Hallmark Christmas movie says, "honey, what's wrong?" I mentally finish it with "I'm in a Hallmark movie!" npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle they used to make "moderate" in a lot of things, but they were discontinued in the 1960s and nobody refurbishes the old ones if you can even find a moderate in a thrift store behind the rack of old-lady pantsuits. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Ok, bird people: what IS this bird that sits in the back yard some mornings and says, "danger, danger, danger, danger, DICK!" npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle I am ok with November, because I have never been a vember. Vembing is somewhat offensive to me. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle we were discussing them the other day. Sixty years ago paper straws were not only tough enough to withstand knocking the paper off by slamming the end on a table, they could ALSO punch through that little hole in the side of the half-pint wax-paper Ex-Cell-O milk thing at school. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle for a lot of small businesses, no one knows HOW to update their website. Eight years ago they got some high school kid to set it up on Weebly, he didn't tell anyone the password, and is now in graduate school. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle anybody says "impactfully," they're gettin' the gun. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/115/368/911/165/615/869/original/975752e29cbec5a1.jpg npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle it occurs to me that Pre-Code Vomit Scene would be a great name for a punk club. Or band. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle does he only do that to majority-black cities? I mean, has he sent the troops to, say, Salt Lake City or Sarasota? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle the enormous majority don't have stocks and might have heard the word "crypto" but don't begin to understand it. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Can anybody name anything trump has done that is actually making anything better? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle i found this one a few months ago. This actually exists, too: npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle This is astonishing. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle why? Just because "apple doesn't support it" means nothing to me. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle i don't ask. I have a lot of small weird things too, including a whisk barely larger than a Q-tip and a Rotato. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle where do you go that they have normal spoons? Every place we go assumes I will eat soup with what amounts to a shovel, and when I ask for a "normal spoon, a teaspoon" it's as if I am suddenly speaking Romulan or Xhosa. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle sugar shell, as in frozen/solidified sugar syrup, or do they still make that "Magic Shell" chocolate stuff from the 1970s? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Holy fuck, I worked there for YEARS and never had access to NUMIDENT. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle You know what we don't have yet? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle If you're real religious and plan on sending your kid tot jesuscamp every summer, you should name it "DrunkenNakedYouthPastor." npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle oh, yeah. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle truth be told, i did have a stroke three weeks after the election. I blame trump because it's fun and easy. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle i have not actively watch or listened to a newscast since the day before Election Day last year. It's been pleasant. What news I do get is filtered down through here. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Cool. They're about a mile from here. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle I got a BOOK! npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle if I remember at some point the protagonist is put on trial for rebellion, I think. Like I said, I don't have a copy to pull out any more. 2nd wife "rearranged" things, much of which apparently vanished from earth. I read nearly everything he ever wrote years ago, but it gets a bit jumbled in memory 40 years later. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle could possibly be "Player Piano," a 1952 novel he wrote abour the rejection of technology by some of its high-priest practitioners, but I no longer have a copy to refer to. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle argh. I will see if I can figure out which one it was. Some blinkenlights thing in a courtroom. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle didn't Kurt Vonnegut write a short story about this in the Fifties? Except it was all vacuum tubes. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle wait, you dated Caroline, too? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Just you wait, the good old days are coming back! npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle This is not far away. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Is grilled cantaloupe a thing now? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle looks a lot like Los Angeles Union Station. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle yup. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle no one has raised the possibility AWS could not-be-assholes and not dump NOAA's buckets instantly. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/114/237/624/274/658/170/original/6463c445a3aef313.jpg npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle ok, but the bathrooms are incredibly restrictive. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle is this so they can try to resume in a few years? Or are they just documenting the destruction? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Think of the stupidest person you have ever known. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle LET'S GO TO ARBYS AND GET AN AST BEEF DWICH!! npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle The joshallens winned the footballs! npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle it's like November 2022 again! npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle The questions are endless. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/386/858/882/307/621/original/88e963420298d96f.jpg npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle I want one of these. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle ...and that one guy who keeps posting bizarre absurd shit... npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle Not a big fan of that. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle we did without a lot of modern conveniences 35 years ago, like AI, spam, and Musk. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle you could do a lot with a 56K line if you left out cat pictures. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle ELON MUSK HAS THE BIGGEST DICK ON MARS. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle yeah, it's as if it was written by James Joyce but never intended for publication. npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle is that an actual air raid/tornado siren (I forget the name of the company that made them) or did they do a mockup to look like one? npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle what I sometimes tell people is how many young couples, and it's always the young woman, say "we're having a baybee to strengthen our marriage." npub1jsacm8lewh862anhw6zerx3yhkm5vggvmc8e7h3h32rmattm7nast7py3j The Turtle my first wife suggested I get snipped, so I did. Her reasoning was she was "tired of her birth control." I had no problem with that.
