bajax

the cat abides

/ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

OC: https://oobs.karass.us/
elsewhere: ~boltul-rosred

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npub1lq89x8lmpepfv0vlmg89knkwwank362emqpkd8dcwasjg8luwgqq6qngzm

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nprofile1qqs0srjnrlasus5k8k0a5rjmfm88wemga9vasqmxnku8wcfyrl78yqqpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsucal0w

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relay.damus.io

nos.lol

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npub1lq89x8lmpepfv0vlmg89knkwwank362emqpkd8dcwasjg8luwgqq6qngzm

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Last Notes

2026-09-16 22:29:43 GMT

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but I guess... what do you mean by fancy here?

2026-09-16 22:28:37 GMT

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I don't know-- I intentionally get the cheapest notebooks I can find and I kinda like when they accumulate physical damage from me carrying them around. idk it's like each one's got a story or something it's seen some shit.

2026-09-16 22:26:44 GMT

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I have other aforementioned reasons I enjoy opening up my notebook, so that probably helps

2026-09-16 22:08:52 GMT

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I do it every morning as part of my routine. So much other stuff-- writing, drawing practice etc I do in my notebook, I already have it open for.

2026-09-16 21:23:59 GMT

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lol I guess, but I haven't stuck to them as much as I'd have liked

2026-09-16 21:18:39 GMT

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yep. my notebook is just kinda like a daily organizer, I'm still figuring out how to manage it. Only been doing this since jan 1st, my new years resolution was to "make more lists"

2026-09-16 21:08:35 GMT

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although my routine is about the same every day, I suppose I could calculate it and note it, but I just haven't need it yet.
does the watch try to estimate based on like heartrate or something?

2026-09-16 20:55:01 GMT

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well kinda yeah-- I have this 8-color colored pencil. each color represents a different day of the week
and it's not circles it's entries in a checklist, along with my calorie consumption and activity for the day (it's also my general todo notebook and I also do my art and handwriting practice in it lol it's weird I know). each page represents a day and the spot on the page is what it is. I'd show an image but there's like personally identifiable stuff in there along with journal entries

2026-09-16 20:49:24 GMT

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you can draw circles on a sheet of paper yourself you know (that's more or less what I do!)

2026-09-16 20:21:01 GMT

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I wonder why your'e letting them collect your data like that... I don't carry my phone on jogs

2026-09-09 00:51:23 GMT

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I AM NOT A CAT

2026-09-09 00:49:36 GMT

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yeah I probably have more than a few who remember me

2026-08-30 18:49:01 GMT

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looks female lol

2026-08-22 22:21:15 GMT

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you mean like ruby?

2026-08-22 22:09:46 GMT

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my boss is trying to get me use that

2026-08-22 11:50:00 GMT

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yeah, the blood orange. can they just not get them anymore? it was so good

2026-08-22 11:48:43 GMT

I wish noosa still made the orange flavor yogurt

2026-07-27 22:03:29 GMT

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it's fucking agoraphobia dude

2026-07-27 21:55:01 GMT

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allergy meds?

2026-07-27 20:09:18 GMT

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too fucking nervous to go outside FUCK

2026-07-27 20:07:49 GMT

it's unusually bright outside
and burny
almost like there's something wrong with the sun

2026-06-10 20:03:18 GMT

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it were a joke f0x rofl
(I know I know it represents sunshine and happiness and all that lol)

2026-06-10 19:59:15 GMT

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wait a minute is that why you always laugh at piss jokes?

2026-05-24 22:30:54 GMT

you see normally I feel like I'm alone in a material world in which nobody else exists but me. it's absolutely horrible lonely and terrifying
but when I do drugs I feel like I'm alone in a material world in which nobody else exists but me. It's fucking hilarious-- none of you are real

2026-05-21 17:46:21 GMT

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I wonder if there's a specific amino or something that can help fix that

2026-05-20 13:25:17 GMT

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keep reading nigga

2026-05-20 12:38:22 GMT

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I mean... damn dude you just called me "young man." do you not see it?
to most people, being comfortable using little verbal *flourishes* like that is either foid- or gay-coded. real dudes have to keep this impeccable masculinity thing going or else they risk getting attacked. it's the law of nature-- worst thing that you can do is look like a fag and show any kind of *sensitivity* because males are in constant competition. anything you say can and will be used against you.
notice I had to italicize "flourishes" and "sensitivity" in that sentence, to put some distance between myself and the word, to make it clear I was being sarcastic with it. that's male-coded speech.

2026-05-20 12:26:30 GMT

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I don't actually think so tbh. he doesn't have that malicious edge that a lot of women with similar basic personalities get.

2026-05-18 16:20:59 GMT

"I'm the kind of person who is an asshole, but it's on a completely rational basis. I am the uberman."

2026-05-18 13:05:03 GMT

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meth would probably work better

2026-05-17 08:43:51 GMT

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hate lycra-wearing sportbikers. holy fucking shit they should stay off the road. bikes being treated as honorary road vehicles is for people who actually use them to get to work and groceries and shit. it's kind of funny how people who use their bikes that way aren't tremendous dickheads who block the road.

2026-05-15 15:57:40 GMT

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I've definitely been too nice. honestly.

2026-05-15 15:54:44 GMT

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the worst thing is I taught them everything they know-- they weren't even using git before they hired me years ago. when I left they just went completely off the rails and fell for every stupid thing.

2026-05-15 15:52:50 GMT

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...they switched to fucking MONGODB "we use javascript... that must mean javascript in the database is a GREAT idea!"

2026-05-15 15:49:52 GMT

this shit wouldn't be happening if we'd stuck with postgres
just sayin

2026-05-15 07:12:30 GMT

hat machine

2026-05-13 10:32:30 GMT

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I don't think it can be called will without intention, and intention is a higher order process.
there is an implicit teleology even in just nano-scale physical processes, but I don't think you can locate the will they express in the processes themselves-- it's too distributed, not integrated enough. from here you get deep into theology, beyond just defining terms and into reading the mind of God or whatever
(and dithering over whether that external will exists at all)

2026-05-13 10:06:03 GMT

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yeah probably-- compatibilism ig

2026-05-13 10:01:07 GMT

I don't believe the universe is deterministic, but even if it was it wouldn't eliminate the concept of free will. conversely, the absolute non-determinism of the universe as I believe it is doesn't naturally and automatically establish the existence of free will either-- stochastic noise isn't more *you* just because you can definitively say you might have in other trials with identical preconditions done differently-- you haven't claimed the process of the decision, it was just fed to you by universal rng
(just finished watching Arrival (2016) lol)

2026-05-12 09:13:47 GMT

hate being alone all the time

2026-05-11 12:03:39 GMT

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here they do it by parking organic farms next to regular ones. either overspray or local extirpation of pests keeps the organic crops covered.

2026-05-04 17:21:53 GMT

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how the fuck do they expect you to enforce it?

2026-04-22 03:46:55 GMT

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everything?

2026-04-18 16:46:46 GMT

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no no you're perfect just the way you are.

2026-04-18 16:44:34 GMT

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look... this helplessness and begging is offputting. this unwillingness to change or give people who are willing to try with you a chance is unreasonable. *and* your whole "I'm a child" thing is only gonna attract the kind of men who want a child for a girlfriend holy shit do you pay attention to yourself?
nothing good is ever gonna happen to you until you take responsibility for yourself. I'm sorry the dudes you wanted didn't pay (enough) attention to you. but it's not our fault. put this energy into trying to *be* the kind of person that someone you want would want.

2026-04-16 14:37:27 GMT

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but it's not a thing in mammals (except MTF trans with botched bottom surgery)

2026-04-16 12:48:51 GMT

>out of prepared meals again
need a woman to cook for me

2026-04-14 14:00:42 GMT

as my stupid boss would say, "you can't fix stupid"
consoling myself by working on the office porch. turns out I'm popular out here!
https://baj.ax/media/7a/fe/17/7afe17f05d633c57d38b3012f9d84c70db33652154161c6bc8a17bad5b1547c7.webp?name=image.webp

2026-03-27 17:10:23 GMT

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*eugh* ok is it out of your system?

2026-03-27 17:07:00 GMT

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OK FINE you can touch my head ONCE

2026-03-26 07:50:15 GMT

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make sure you look at people really intensely when showing them your guns, and rarely break eye contact if you can avoid it

2026-03-25 09:48:06 GMT

still wake up before daylight hours

2026-03-25 01:34:14 GMT

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nah I said I'd get something fixed tomorrow and I don't want to be a dickhead and not be able to

2026-03-25 01:32:55 GMT

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I got work tomorrow lol

2026-03-25 01:31:19 GMT

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rofl cool (I'm slightly high lol)

2026-03-22 14:04:31 GMT

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It... can probably help with that too!
https://baj.ax/media/98/6a/82/986a82bff01c66dbd5589ecc369fb9a1b8957bdccb57728f42db02c08dfa6018.webp?name=image.webp

2026-03-17 11:08:49 GMT

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hiss! *jumps into a dry culvert*

2026-03-17 10:52:41 GMT

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I AM NOT A CAT

2026-03-16 21:58:11 GMT

after all I've already told you, you still want the truth, huh?

2026-03-11 11:06:03 GMT

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I already do this every day

2026-03-10 18:09:58 GMT

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cardinal! (took several pics this was the best one lol)
https://baj.ax/media/32/71/3e/32713e62112cbdd5aac3ca1e55650e5f321659454910480ec7eba873e77721d4.webp?name=image.webp

2026-03-08 08:16:34 GMT

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somehow I feel called out

2026-02-24 03:27:52 GMT

so dance
https://baj.ax/media/ca/7f/38/ca7f387d5247bb17acb73d3021cc632e8bd1c62231631a2fb8973a62091733d8.webp?name=a67a99cf463c1e604dfd9b536bf9cb8a1334a15c33caf35ec426a2b30fd8fdbd.webp
https://baj.ax/media/2e/57/d8/2e57d82b12e2ce8e2071057b1fa5f7d362b9d59733ced66e304204768812de1e.mp3?name=Joy+Division+-+Transmission.mp3

2026-02-20 17:44:35 GMT

I'm too fucking agreeable.

2026-02-19 04:23:39 GMT

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just wanted to make sure you don't forget

2026-02-17 05:02:24 GMT

droppin a melatone

2026-02-16 07:32:36 GMT

didn't even get close to enough sleep.

2026-02-15 14:41:28 GMT

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rofl surely we've been eating yogurt longer than 120 years?!

2026-02-01 16:59:25 GMT

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so sad that we won't get to see any pwm-lets now

2026-01-17 20:22:05 GMT

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well that'd be a good thing because it's mean I thoroughly cleaned my coa-- HEY FUCK YOU DUDE

2026-01-17 20:20:29 GMT

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maybe later

2026-01-17 20:19:39 GMT

fuck I got shit to do fedi distracted me too long good discussion tho

2026-01-17 16:00:35 GMT

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>watch segregation of academics happen naturally
hopefully that ends up happening rather than what we have now-- all of academia being dragged down to the lowest common denominator in the name of "inclusivity"
it's probably naturally happening already come to think of it.

2026-01-17 15:56:05 GMT

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totally defeats the whole point of reading and learning about literature imo

2026-01-17 15:51:25 GMT

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I know a lot of people who'd actually think this is a good thing

2026-01-17 15:21:53 GMT

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eh, it was okay actually

2026-01-17 15:20:01 GMT

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or was gonna-- the mermaids just tasted like they put a little bit of red bull in some kind of fruity soft drink

2026-01-17 15:19:03 GMT

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idk, gonna find out

2026-01-17 14:47:33 GMT

hmm skeletobs or mermaids?
https://baj.ax/media/f7/7a/db/f77adb43fdb5a7a6e92277d8f5a34ceefb081da3ec2358022af73cd0f28d8fe6.jpg?name=image.jpg

2026-01-17 00:21:27 GMT

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you mean white (or at least non-slop) babies, right? well it would be really nice, but I don't really see it happening except among fringe groups... i.e. mormons, mennonites etc.
we're in a really unnatural environment. all humans kinda keep a status counter in their head, that tells them how they're doing and how other people are likely to treat them and value their contributions, and helps them calibrate the risks of any action they might take. it's wired into the serotonin system (this is what antidepressants work on).
I think we're just so isolated from each other, from that kind of social feedback that keeps us sane, that makes us feel safe in society, that we perceive the world as far more unsafe than it is, and that makes it really hard to justify to yourself the risk of having a kid.

2026-01-17 00:01:01 GMT

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what do you think is changing in the sexual marketplace? is it better or worse?

2026-01-15 23:03:15 GMT

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reliable source of protein sourced from local biota humans can't directly eat

2026-01-15 20:26:36 GMT

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more useful than you'd think actually. converters that just use a bare circuit board are prone to condensation

2026-01-15 17:18:54 GMT

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lol I just hate the requirement in general for me to pretend to be thrilled to talk to people I don't know. I think small talk is a bad system.

2026-01-15 12:59:44 GMT

look what I have to do to make the markdown renderer cooperate
https://baj.ax/media/35/c3/05/35c305ccadfacdf9ee079d699c8480b54bd927d005c8a2815a6c1296b146b4dd.webp?name=image.webp

2026-01-15 02:25:20 GMT

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here's another version of the file, 320kbps, metadata and album art embedded (and should keep the proper filename if you right click > save, instance depending)
(sorry this is something I'm autistic about lol)
https://baj.ax/media/71/d1/3d/71d13dcc1b5510c582c33bf153416db47f2156290a651370ec84dc6c3e22069d.mp3?name=Whirr+-+Color+Change.mp3

2026-01-15 02:19:03 GMT

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rofl no I fucking love shoegaze

2026-01-15 02:10:44 GMT

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is this one of the recommendations you were talking about?

2026-01-15 01:39:09 GMT

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oh god man I'm sorry. you are in the jaws of a predator right now. I hope you're browsing job listings

2026-01-15 01:36:21 GMT

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did they need to or was it business types fucking shit up again?

2026-01-15 01:05:01 GMT

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ok so for you, orchestration is about controlling how much the AI can do with your files, not allowing it too much freedom and confirming everything it wants to do?
that's a lot better than what I was doing lol-- I usually just paste my code into the LLM and then paste whatever it gives me back (and I always need to do edits). I tried cursor once and it was just so incompetent. Maybe it'd be better if I just let it build everything the way it wanted, but it had no idea how to interpret my style (at least in javascript).
So yeah that probably shows how important it is for the thing to be specialized for what you want. What would be ideal is if someday I could train a model on my own code.
This looks extremely useful.

2026-01-14 19:44:55 GMT

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also Oh also didn't notice you said you'd share code-- that would absolutely amazing.
Is this stuff I can learn about on some place like huggingface?

2026-01-14 19:18:38 GMT

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hah yeah, I only have 64gb. thanks I'll just stumble along for now

2026-01-14 19:02:16 GMT

@npub1ldv…pcqp what do you recommend for a local LLM? I want to put it to work doing repetitive tasks in C, like generating header files and keeping them in sync with my code when signatures change etc

2026-01-14 18:27:27 GMT

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nigga just go to lowes and pick up some <redacted> and <redacted>

2026-01-13 22:02:05 GMT

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lol you smoke?

2026-01-13 20:00:16 GMT

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it's hard not to psychoanalyze that guy, because his mode of thinking is just so incredibly alien to me-- like he never once defends anything he says, it's just "hate speech is bad" and that's the end of it. Who says? Why?

2026-01-13 15:37:33 GMT

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BPD podcast

2026-01-13 14:27:22 GMT

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I was thinking about doing it in curses instead of SDL though... if I used SDL I would be too tempted to do art assets for it and that would end up eating all my time

2026-01-13 14:25:54 GMT

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this is extremely cool-- thanks for sharing it!
I've made it a goal to learn C this year and this kinda lit a fire under me to make something similar