An aspiring renaissance woman and mom to a lovely little 4yo, I mostly make food, music and messes. 💖🎶 This is my "me" account, so I post about whatever here—usually not in Swedish. Commonly on about #music #trans #adhd Avatar: A cartoon girl, smiling, curly brown hair with a pink, blue and white rosette hair-tie. Behind her is a rainbow heart. Header: A starry night sky where the stars change colours side-to-side, making the trans flag.
Public Key
npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf
Profile Code
nprofile1qqsqdx506daxu2csfu45epunaht7t4lr5qm3fx7hth06pzeyxjj7u4qpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsjlvk3y
Author Public Key
npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Show more details
Published at
2023-09-17T00:22:47+02:00 Event JSON
{
"id": "a96153b33c97b83d039ddc1093d8731681152ebd4c71f3e9017bd55214cacf98" ,
"pubkey": "069a8fd37a6e2b104f2b4c8793edd7e5d7e3a037149bd75ddfa08b2434a5ee54" ,
"created_at": 1694902967 ,
"kind": 0 ,
"tags": [
[
"proxy",
"https://chaosfem.tw/users/jasmine",
"activitypub"
]
],
"content": "{\"name\":\"Jasmine running\",\"about\":\"An aspiring renaissance woman and mom to a lovely little 4yo, I mostly make food, music and messes. 💖🎶\\n\\nThis is my \\\"me\\\" account, so I post about whatever here—usually not in Swedish.\\n\\nCommonly on about #music #trans #adhd\\n\\nAvatar: A cartoon girl, smiling, curly brown hair with a pink, blue and white rosette hair-tie. Behind her is a rainbow heart.\\n\\nHeader: A starry night sky where the stars change colours side-to-side, making the trans flag.\",\"picture\":\"https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/accounts/avatars/111/076/140/966/598/651/original/88da5868ddddab57.png\",\"banner\":\"https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/accounts/headers/111/076/140/966/598/651/original/c971ba35dec2813b.jpg\",\"nip05\":\"[email protected] \"}" ,
"sig": "d87f112ab7f59523396ab125e07e472fe4b0164cd9306de9f574e99cfe54acac0409f8d92db3b2f66198147ee2fa8eb494625332c4413921c917c1901f5565c3"
}
Last Notes npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running New pet theory: You can often identify a closeted trans person just from the way they move and sound when they cum. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Warning: Embarrassing events in the rearview mirror might be smaller than they appear. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running …really dude? :akko_mlem: https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/112/769/438/217/393/871/original/5426a94c8c4d8115.jpg npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running someone: …so you are like this today because of how you were as a child—but it's not your fault! don't blame yourself!! the people who were supposed to support you weren't there for you, and that's why… me: wait wait wait someone was supposed to support me!?!? npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running An ADHDer is never on time, nor is she early; she arrives precisely when she manages to. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running my child no longer lives here and I have to pack up his things now npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running lately I've been feeling unusually sapphic https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/112/679/414/503/776/920/original/e7ecf2b5a576be4a.jpeg npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running catnipalism npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running oh hi I didn't do my makeup today… or change out of the hoodie I slept in. didn't even shave! but at least the light here is too poor for the camera to pick up on that. so… there you goose ✨ https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/112/627/794/256/165/512/original/c75857b2b20a7769.jpeg npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running What if I would meet someone Her name still undecided Then each time I called her I could pick a new one Hundreds, thousands upon thousands would the ways be I could name her; once for every aspect of her soul, my love, a prism npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/112/625/150/596/788/170/original/f2a51a21df6308d5.png npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Goose Busters!! npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running I don't know who needs to hear this but HONK HONK HONK 🪿 npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running there is no spoon npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running glory to your house and to your well shaped butt npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running *reading about a bisexual woman questioning* me to myself: that's really relatable, it can be so confusing! my brain in response: yeah, figuring out whether you like women is really hard me: that's tru—wait what did you just say!?! npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Feeling really good about myself today. 🥰 https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/112/167/207/931/125/793/original/99dabf9c03ec5ae4.jpeg npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Wish the “you're so brave” people would be so brave once in a while so I didn't have to all the time. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Telling people in survival mode to leave their comfort zones is in reality telling them to leave their survival zones. When you're in survival mode you don't have a comfort zone. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running After giving the issue a lot of thought, I have concluded that anyone who thinks that trans people are not subject to a much higher degree of discrimination than cis people are cannot be trusted at all. Their judgement is kaput. They probably need help leading normal lives without mishaps like falling into canals or arbitrarily tying their shoelaces to cucumbers at the grocery store because of a poor understanding of what is actually going on in the world around them. I would also not be surprised if this was reflected on their voting patterns. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Trans person: “I would like to transition now.” Cis person: “Then go see a doctor and they'll decide if you are correct or not in what gender you are.” npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Trans person: “After much soul-searching and overcoming the enormous weight of the cis-normative indoctrination literally everyone is exposed to, and in spite of all the discrimination and hate I keep getting for it, today I finally know and accept who I am.” Cis person: “I got my gender from a doctor who had never seen me before when I was ten minutes old.” npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running anti-capitalist non-ADHDers might hate this toot and need to read some sociology of time npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running anti-punctual as in clock time is a tool of capitalism to make invisible the hand that forces you and make you self-police because it's cheaper npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running about this comic: trying to look smart and scientific was the way child me would primarily try to get attention, validation and appreciation. and it doubled as a conter-strategy to how I constantly felt like I was being painted as confused and delusional—something that was actually happening in school, but on top of that, my own body was participating in the gaslighting. I still don't trust myself to know reality. the one time I decided to just assume a bunch of foundational beliefs and live in a known universe was when I tried to be a man, and that sucked. the one time I really tried to end the confusion was the most confused I ever was. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running @npub1zak…d6uu I don't really know either! ☺️ but I'd rather ride the urges than the flow of infinitely scrolling npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running What I have: Urges and ADHD What it am: Stuck on the wrong timeline What it causes: Politics involuntarily What I need: Come unstuck Why: Urges and ADHD npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running you know the cis community has a lot of work to do with misogyny and reinforcing patriarchal norms, with racism, wars, capitalism, climate change, ecocide, colonialism, nationalism, ableism, eugenics, cultism and religion, poverty, world hunger, children dying from easily treatable diseases, crime and violence, corruption, global economic inequality, genocides, homophobia and transphobia. some of the more honest members of the cis community have admitted this to me freely. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running It's so perplexing when people claim structural oppression of trans people isn't that bad. Look: A recent study on government approved Swedish trans people (i.e. binary, socioeconomically established, diagnosed with the sexual personality disorder that Sweden still requires) show that trans men and women have about the same income, which is just 60% of cis women's and 30% of cis men's. In 2012, our government evaluated whether Sweden should keep forcibly sterilising trans people and refusing gender affirming care to anyone with biological kids or stored sex cells. They decided to continue. 1/2 npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running it was the worst of times, it was the new york times npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running my face when feeling low and trying to take a cheer-up selfie but these chat notifications keep popping in over the view with the most lovely things being said https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/111/921/061/868/818/690/original/504a822b3f90e361.jpeg npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running I've noticed that cis people often fail to realise that being targeted with transphobia isn't something that begins when you transition. In reality, the very reason I was in denial for so long was because of transphobia. Sweden was one of the countries with a very thorough policy of hiding the existence of trans people. To change your legal sex (!), there was a strict requirement that you be sterilised, not storing any sex cells, and that you don't already have any biological children. Procreation was absolutely forbidden. You were also required to move to a new city and go stealth for the rest of your life. This went on until 2013 more or less, and the ideas are still very much present in the thinking of a lot of cis practitioners in trans health care (and Swedish health care in general). 1/4 npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Just to be clear, this is the official Swedish stance on gender affirming care for trans youth. Except for the conspiracy thing about running the world economy, all I just did was paraphrase the arguments presented in the current official policies from 2022, shutting down our gender affirming care for everyone under 18, replacing it with conversion therapy. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Look at this very alarming graph. There are literally no studies on what's behind the dramatic increase in the number of cisgender people since the mid-20th century. Cisgender people control global politics, run the world economy and are behind every war in history. It is time to take the cis issue very seriously. We must pull the brakes on the number of cis people until we know more about why there are so many of them all of a sudden. There are several co-morbidities that need to be thoroughly examined. Until we have a clearer picture, no child should be forced to undergo irreversible cis puberty. https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/111/845/251/468/991/388/original/a6fb5d5b1f56d71e.png npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running In Sweden we'll use the euphemism “flowers and bees” for explaining how sex and/or procreation works. And it makes sense, right? Pollination and all that. But in English it's apparently “the birds and the bees” instead and… exactly what did the birds do to the bees!? Did they eat them and get stung? Is there honey involved? Do the bees like it? They die if they use their stinger, right? Does it result in bee eggs and bird larvae? Not to judge, but maybe you could consider waiting until the kids are older before going into these more elaborate kinks? npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Trying to be something you're not: yourself. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running In the coming year, the christian holiday of the goddess of spring Ēostre will be held on Transgender Visibility Day, the 31st of March. We can literally have trans easter eggs. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Muting is self-care. Blocking is self-care. What I mean by this is that it is not a punishment. It is not a judgement on the person being muted or blocked. It is about the well-being and interests of the person doing the muting or blocking. Why I'm saying this is because I need to hear it myself. npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Please snap and overstep You must go way too far! Just stamp your boot print all over the world with joyful, angry force and be a fucking bother please npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running toxic masc salinity npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Cultivate your online connections according to a principle of quality, not quantity: Toot not for the largest number of followers or favourites, but for the best ones. 😌 npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running It is darkest night and for some hours now, since I got home from writing on my feet, I've just been sitting, looking at the fire It's unusual, me sitting here in my own silence, listening I am learning I will not call it unhealthy, will not quench or run I sit here frozen by the fire looking, still, and holding the decision back That I will peace it Make it equal under heaven Learn to hold in absence fall while standing stay in flight run still burn unconsumed and live will I decide so It is late, I need to rest, just one log more npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running My cis phase was weird, but in the end I found myself again. The question is what happens next. (cw eye contact selfies) https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/111/245/418/140/762/638/original/111ae9c12ca95236.png npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running Don't remember where I found this but I think about it a lot. https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/111/137/132/648/873/175/original/b28f1c21f177f41a.png npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running me fyi 2008: everyone's selfies are boring 2013: sooo boring 2018: uh, still boring 2023: omg 😍 need more trans selfies 🔥✨ npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running @npub1gg8…439g I don't think self-confidence like that can actually come from looks, even if one's looks happens to be what one is focusing one's lack of confidence on. At least for me, if I could do all the things and look like a goddess I would still be haunted just as much by the same traumatic experiences. These issues don't really care exactly what they focus on, but will just attack the first thing they lay their eyes on. Shit finds a way. Self-acceptance is super hard. I've more or less given up pursuing it in the mirror. Even the rare moments of euphoria when things look good for once do nothing in the end. I think the only way I'll make peace with myself is through trauma work. Or that's me anyway. Don't know how applicable it is to others, but not entirely useless at least? Hopefully? npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running (This one's a bit heavy. I've mentioned it before.) I have a promise to keep. In my teens and twenties and a bit into my thirties, I had this deep, painful yearning like a broken heart. Some days it would block out everything else. There was a hopefulness but also a deep loneliness to it. Ten years ago, I shut my emotions off and it went silent, like everything else. When my egg cracked for the final time last spring, it was because I'd seen an HRT timeline, and it triggered this emotion to just explode with an absolutely stunning force. I spent weeks trying to cope, unable to concentrate on anything else. So I always assumed it was a kind of dysphoria, the “Saudade” dysphoria as I called it. ➡️ npub1q6dgl5m6dc43qnetfjre8mwhuht78gphzjdawhwl5z9jgd99ae2q2x3ahf Jasmine running “Fighting the world as your authentic self is better than fighting yourself on behalf of the world.” This quote inflicted on me a severe concussion of the identity, when I stumbled upon it in an unrelated article* back in January 2022. It set off and guided a months-long outbreak of hyperfocused, ruthless self-examination, where I uncovered my own structural dissociation and eventually identified trauma, a process that quite abruptly led to the realisation, seemingly coming out of nowhere, that I'm trans. *So what was that unrelated article about then? Being #trans. 🤦🏻♀️ I still have the link: https://www.self.com/story/before-transitioning [repost from January 1st 2023 on my previous account]