<unnamed>

Public Key

npub1y6ppj7dnjp72hzss9jr5v6ds2me6c639kd36pu0gnqr8vx4g7css9temqm

Profile Code

nprofile1qqszdqse0xeeql9t3ggzep6xdxc9duavdgjmxcaq785fspnkr250vggpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsns3vu9

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Last Notes

2024-01-04 19:12:31 GMT

Overhearing two coworkers weigh in on everything they consider cringe, and realizing they're so miserable they probably watch Interstellar and root for the Time Dilation

2024-01-01 18:37:33 GMT

My ancestors spent generations painstakingly domesticating wild plants to become crops that can sustain the population of continents, I whisper to myself as I toss another dessicated houseplant into the trash

2023-12-23 19:12:49 GMT

One day you've got a favorite waitress at the all night diner near the bars, then seemingly the next you're saving your favorite socks for a certain day, as a special treat

2023-12-23 18:15:11 GMT

The holidays make this murder shack feel like a murder home
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/111/631/082/704/576/125/original/71364d1d53ff5edd.jpg

2023-12-13 01:57:07 GMT

Tired: *apologizing at the start of a conference call for sounding hoarse*
Wired: *announcing that you'll be making this particular conference call a Blues session*

2023-11-30 13:24:51 GMT

Just listened to two baristas who were struggling to get the timeline straight on the Glasnost/Perestroika era, then (before I could open my mouth to offer any helpful clarification) they referred to it as the "Late 1900s" and I could feel the textiles in my clothing slowly morph into Victorian garments

2023-11-25 00:08:00 GMT

JESUS SAVES, BY CUTTING OUT THE MIDDLE MAN AND BUYING DIRECTLY FROM THE MANUFACTURER THEN PASSING THOSE SAVINGS ON TO YOU

2023-11-10 13:37:40 GMT

Not now babydoll, I'm trying to solve this golden puzzle box that was handed to me by a mysterious treasure down in the marketplace

2023-11-09 12:50:13 GMT

I just rearranged my sock drawer to get all the athletic socks and dress socks to fit together, I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me

2023-11-07 12:52:36 GMT

Every time someone goes to a water park, an Iron Maiden T-shirt loses its sleeves

2023-10-16 18:22:49 GMT

- reply

@npub1k4q…3lsq @npub1x2p…q72x @npub1qzs…9002
Yeah, fuck that guy in particular

2023-10-16 15:58:45 GMT

I need a bakery that includes dietary information about how many items are required to feel like your parents are proud of you

2023-09-11 12:09:47 GMT

I was literally just about to go for a healthy jog, when instead I spent the last twenty years living like a bear prepping to hibernate

2023-09-04 22:13:10 GMT

My brain, and food I shouldn't eat
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/111/009/166/251/168/164/original/fac38610b0ccefc7.jpg

2023-09-02 17:16:26 GMT

It's completely normal to experience an erection during tense or anxious situations, such as an important presentation
HR: *explaining that it still doesn't make it an appropriate place to hang the PowerPoint remote*

2023-08-29 19:37:48 GMT

The barista I have a crush on: *nervously avoiding eye contact*
Me: *seductively using my Neti Pot as I wait at the counter for my drink*

2023-08-27 21:15:08 GMT

I don't even care what I owe Paul anymore, I'm robbing Peter because he's an easy mark

2023-08-26 14:44:13 GMT

Choosing the type of pet you want to share your life with is just deciding what gut-wrenching heartbreak cycle you want to be on

2023-08-24 21:42:55 GMT

My screenshots are a digital archive of my failures to properly understand the buttons on my phone

2023-08-24 18:43:55 GMT

After Hot Girl Summer comes Autistic Guy Autumn, and boy am I ready for y'all to leave me tf alone

2023-08-23 23:11:09 GMT

I need the kind of sleep that skirts the margins of invoking a living will

2023-08-23 19:51:41 GMT

I'm rejecting modernity and embracing tradition by having my mental health crisis declared a case of demonic possession

2023-08-22 13:39:11 GMT

I don't understand why people don't want to talk with me, I'm only ever unpleasant and exhausting to be around

2023-08-21 19:03:18 GMT

Missed Connection: I was eating a rotisserie chicken in the dark, you opened the wrong storage closet door and saw my Lemon Pepper smeared face, but you looked lovely lit by fluorescents in the hallway

2023-08-20 12:57:39 GMT

The feeling upon opening a new tube of toothpaste, after spending the last month using vise grips to extract every molecule from the old one
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/110/922/048/587/015/382/original/9647f49bd59cb48f.jpg

2023-08-18 12:40:21 GMT

Not me charging down the aisle like a Price is Right contestant who's just had their name called whenever my deli order is ready

2023-08-16 01:46:16 GMT

Me: *cavorting in the spray of the sprinklers*
Firemen trying to evacuate the building: *not embracing this carefree moment*

2023-08-13 19:55:28 GMT

Me: *crying myself softly to sleep*
The passengers on my helicopter tour: *not really validating where I am emotionally right now*

2023-08-11 20:01:27 GMT

Two of the wealthiest men in the history of humanity have decided to have a cage match for complicated reasons involving their feelings, and I'm just fuckin tired man, so fuckin tired

2023-08-11 11:59:44 GMT

I don't need AI to make art for me, I need AI to stand in line at the DMV for me

2023-08-10 20:12:55 GMT

Labor Day watching retailers putting out Halloween decorations in August
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/110/867/104/394/644/755/original/6b3df45a5dc2d48a.jpg

2023-08-10 02:07:58 GMT

-Zombie Apocalypse-
Group Leader- *explaining the need for absolute quiet as we try to sneak past a shambling horde*
Me- *unable to hear her explanations as I nervously unvelcro and re-velcro my shoes*

2023-08-08 23:23:43 GMT

I need an email signature that conveys that I'm a serious professional in my chosen field, and also that I would prefer to never be contacted by anyone, for any reason

2023-08-08 22:04:29 GMT

Did you ever wonder if bears are so angry because they expect our different color jackets to signify different flavors?

2023-08-08 00:43:07 GMT

What I actually look like as I type LMFAO into the groupchat
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/110/851/212/500/328/780/original/6de65443e9cf30c3.jpg

2023-08-07 16:00:43 GMT

In movies a reckoning is always a trial by combat, or some elaborate labor, whereas in my life a reckoning is far more likely to be an out of order men's room, or a girl scout troop that I owe cookie money

2023-08-07 12:08:51 GMT

Me: *very confident I know how to make love*
The guy at the lumber counter at Home Depot: *gently redirecting me*

2023-08-07 00:21:09 GMT

She's a 10, but she keeps shovels and trash bags in her trunk

2023-08-06 13:30:03 GMT

There is no longer trip than the elevator ride back to your floor with the plunger you just got from the Hotel Desk

2023-08-05 22:50:53 GMT

My ancestors circumnavigated the globe using wooden ships and hand drawn charts, I whisper to myself as I get lost in my hometown again

2023-08-05 14:00:17 GMT

Watching the lethal trap I set on the break room microwave
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/110/837/360/920/256/023/original/bb93a714139f2613.jpg

2023-08-05 12:00:54 GMT

Asking for another refill on my chips and salsa, as I "wait for my friends"
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/110/836/890/080/776/320/original/b696240fda786a61.jpg

2023-08-03 18:55:55 GMT

People keep pointing out to me the things I'm doing wrong, and I need everyone to understand that I'm already doing things as wrong as I can

2023-08-02 23:26:57 GMT

I haven't been here very long, but I wanted to tell you all how much I love you, and how I'd like to have you back to my murder shack later, I mean shack....just a regular ol' shack

2023-08-02 21:51:20 GMT

*stepping very carefully over writhing bodies at an orgy* HAS ANYONE SEEN THE KEYS TO A GRAND CARAVAN? I'M LATE FOR TAEKWONDO

2023-08-02 12:35:42 GMT

Therapist: *explaining that it's common for neurodivergent people to confuse sharing obscure facts with emotional intimacy*
Me: *interrupting her to point out how few synonyms there are for the word 'Tree' in the English language*

2023-08-01 19:18:34 GMT

Me, stopping myself as I was explaining to my younger coworkers why I have no digital pics from high school or college
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/110/815/961/715/011/291/original/ff176d2028546759.jpg

2023-08-01 16:13:51 GMT

I don't have a personality, I have a finely crafted set of Kabuki masks that I use to conceal that I am just noise and matter

2023-08-01 12:11:12 GMT

You can't taxidermy all your problems away

2023-07-31 12:19:13 GMT

Apparently washing someone's hair for them while they soak in their tub is only relaxing if they know you

2023-07-29 12:02:02 GMT

When you and your friend are going to dress up as a horse together, but then you remember you don't actually have a friend
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/110/797/258/326/324/415/original/6241d1b3baee7339.jpg

2023-07-24 18:16:29 GMT

Website: ENTER NEW PASSWORD
Me: SheHulk
WS: PASSWORD MUST CONTAIN A SPECIAL CHARACTER
Me: SheHulkfeaturingDaredevil

2023-07-23 20:14:22 GMT

Me at 2:17am, as I remember telling the grocery cashier how it must be great to listen to this fantastic music all day
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/110/765/195/154/621/901/original/63584440886acb88.jpeg

2023-07-23 16:15:29 GMT

WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES WANTS TO GET MATCHING PAJAMAS AND MAKE NACHOS WITH ME

2023-07-22 20:41:16 GMT

In 150 years we will be the old timey ghosts to that era, and instead of wandering twilit shorelines mourning love lost to the sea, we'll instead haunt abandoned Starbucks locations, forever searching for a Wi-fi signal

2023-07-19 17:22:03 GMT

I need you all to bear with me while I'm intensely awkward and unfriendly for the rest of my life

2023-07-18 16:20:31 GMT

"I speak for the trees" the Lorax whispers to himself as he watches a lumber company executive through the scope of a rifle

2023-07-16 23:14:45 GMT

I was in the mosh pit for Rage Against the Machine's set at Lollapalooza '93, I explain to the cashier as I scroll my phone for a coupon for my preferred brand of heartburn medication