Esteemed Ladies, Gentleweebs,
An employee of our museum has found a work of which he has emphatically pressed is of great import “to our movement” (?).
The employee, a custodian, I believe—a mustached man, wearing sunglasses within our halls, strangely enough—has left within my hands a pineapple. His claims being the pineapple entity was found lying beside a dumpster behind the local Arby’s, our food court. Despite the curiosity, the employee is emphatic that this is a work destined for limelight in our museum.
To be sure, the employee has told fantastic tales of this pineapple, bidding that I write them down. However, I will here first note the speculations of our esteemed museum’s experts, trained by eyes dipped in lore—insightful lenses for occurrences such as these.
The museum is currently exploring whether this pineapple stands as the last remnant of a perhaps prototype run of Mr. Potato Head. Then again, a minority of our experts contends, insisting that this is—in actuality—an early edition of a new and improved version yet to be released, though cast out in a drive-by, perhaps to lose evidence stolen.
However, one astute expert located a note tattooed under the mustache—perhaps placed there under the assumption that one resuscitating would come across such a message. It reads as follows: “If found, please return to milves.”
We’ve yet to locate these milves, as our staff has been occupied by a flurry of women—undercover reporters, we suspect—frequently hovering about the premises as of late.
Unfortunately, we have also been unable to ascertain the location of the initial sunglass-wearing employee—nor have we found any documentation that he was ever an employee at all.
Our security is on high alert. We must be so. With all that has occurred—the women, the sunglasses man, the missing cheese bags from our food court.
Curated by the Natural Curiosities Digitized Museum (NCDM)
The :glitter: Kill me now :glitter: (npub1qez…pgd3), digital canvas, ca. 2024
Pardon me, ladies and gentleweebs.
It has come to the Museum's attention that a second figure has been discovered within work of which the Museum already held possession. This mysterious "Salty Blonde", as some are wont to call her, has been found within depictions of the eldritch Kek entity.
Long has been the speculation of the identity of one whom presents the egg that raises the Kek.
Now we know. The Salty Blonde character of the myth--our expert eyes and notes previously muddled by a second alias, "The Breakfast Queen"--was the first to present the Sun, or "Sunny Side Up." Perhaps this belies the basis of her celestial identity as Blonde? Regardless, we note confirmation that after the chicken, was egg. After egg, was Salt. After Salt, was breakfast. After breakfast, was Kek. The mythology is complex and expansive.
As for the "Salty" aspect of the epithet, the running consensus is that it's because she didn't know the song "Walking After Midnight" by Patsy Cline wut a faggot
Curated by the Natural Curiosities Digitized Museum
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