Janel Comeau

Writer, comedian, illustrator, and international woman of mystery. Sworn enemy of the Swedish Yule Goat.

Blog: https://allwitnobrevity.com

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npub17e90yqey94zxky75m5x88tjpmjw3c26720f8he43fa48pqted0zqtkw2lq

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Publishing to

nostr.mom

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

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Last Notes

2025-11-02 21:31:18 GMT

5pm on November 1: let’s go for a walk, it’s still light out!
5pm on November 2: an early darkness blankets the land. Fallow fields lay bone-bleached by moonlight. The last memories of summer fade into oblivion. The last echoes of hope lapse into baleful silence.

2025-09-28 01:44:01 GMT

daily Chinese news headline: Scientists grow the world’s first functional human spine replacement from a single drop of blood
daily American news headline: White House declares that sunburns are caused by bees

2025-09-23 01:30:09 GMT

I have taken
the Tylenol
that was in
the medicine cabinet
and which
they think probably
is the reason
you like trains
forgive me
but that’s bullshit
you got autism
from your dad

2025-09-21 21:09:05 GMT

trying not to watch the news right now, I don’t want any spoilers for the book I’m reading
https://media.mas.to/media_attachments/files/115/244/329/464/335/096/original/198cb0d9dd1ae2ea.png

2025-09-20 02:37:14 GMT

thought the worst thing would be going about daily life while everyone just ignores the collapse of society but it turns out the actual worst thing is having 27 conversations per day that go “did you see the news alert? yeah, bleak times we live in. anyway, can you get this to me by Friday?”

2025-09-18 01:32:02 GMT

when I have to pretend I’m not sheltering John Oliver in my basement but the authorities can hear him yelling about rat erotica through the floorboards
https://media.mas.to/media_attachments/files/115/222/714/737/094/169/original/c2c5bd7f9d6f66b2.png

2025-09-14 01:49:35 GMT

I love old-timey cocktail recipe books, they'll go "here's a light and refreshing drink, perfect for a summer afternoon" and then list off ingredients for a concoction that could melt clean through the hull of an ocean liner

2025-07-03 01:58:55 GMT

the east coast: I drew you a nice, hot bath
me: in the bathtub?
the east coast: in the air all around you :)
the east coast: there is no escape :)

2025-06-29 22:06:31 GMT

America is the only country in the world that could bring in fascism and end up with worse trains

2025-06-27 21:48:53 GMT

and so I wake in the morning and I step outside,
but it’s not over yet; it’s still 2025,
and I scream at the top of my lungs,
FUUUUUUUUUUUCK

2025-06-24 23:05:42 GMT

Bianca figured out she’s on a road trip and she’s not super stoked about the idea
https://media.mas.to/media_attachments/files/114/740/841/193/094/174/original/bacd43868f3a1fd4.png

2025-06-24 03:45:32 GMT

as a child I thought it was wildly unrealistic that Sims would immediately give up on all their goals and dreams if a single dirty plate was left on the ground but now that I’m an adult I understand that that was the most realistic part of the game

2025-06-24 00:09:06 GMT

microdosing a European vacation by walking 23,000 steps in shoes that aren’t really meant for it and then eating a piece of cheese outdoors

2025-06-23 01:30:03 GMT

I knew I would eventually get old enough to watch history repeat itself but I was sort of hoping I would be older than 32 at the time

2024-12-27 02:04:40 GMT

- reply

my mom after three days of surviving on rice pudding cups and Coke Zero: I just don’t understand why I have no energy these days

2024-12-27 02:03:51 GMT

spending the full holiday week at home as an adult is such a great opportunity to discover new things about your parents, like the fact that at some point they developed the eating habits of deep-sea underwater cave goblins with a treasure trove of rotting leftovers

2024-12-25 20:56:26 GMT

Merry Christmas to all reluctant pets forced to celebrate against their will
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https://media.mas.to/media_attachments/files/113/715/457/333/224/728/original/cf5220b7272a4b1b.png

2024-12-23 01:29:36 GMT

backsliding into fascism just 80 years after WWII is like failing an open-book test in a room where the answers are written on the board and also being constantly read out loud over a loudspeaker

2024-12-08 02:11:37 GMT

get her what she really wants this holiday season (a large quantity of potatoes prepared several different ways)

2024-12-05 03:44:17 GMT

in today's fast-paced world we simply don't have time for CEOs to be visited by three Christmas ghosts

2024-11-10 19:24:28 GMT

I actually don’t feel as fine as R.E.M. led me to believe I would

2024-11-09 04:13:51 GMT

I do not understand how people in their late 40s can date teenagers because I am 32 years old and whenever anyone under the age of 20 enters my field of view the only thing I feel is a powerful urge to tell them how many songs used to fit on an mp3 player

2024-11-09 00:39:44 GMT

every median voter is like “I voted because I don’t want the government involved in schools. Also my job is funded by a grant from the Department of Education and if I lose it my entire family will starve to death in the snow.”

2024-11-03 02:24:24 GMT

happy “supposed to be an extra hour of sleep but probably going to turn into an extra hour of being awake on the computer” night to all who celebrate

2024-11-03 01:28:14 GMT

reasons to abolish Daylight Savings:
- confusing
- widely disliked
- serves no benefit to farmers
- we live in an age where we can have light anytime we want without having to ask Papa if he can spare some of his precious stores of whale oil

2024-10-27 16:01:23 GMT

by age 30 you should have:
- acid reflux
- a friend you only call by their last name for reasons no one can articulate
- a fingernail that grows a bit strange due to The Injury
- 12 boxes of unsorted miscellaneous junk at your mom's house that you refuse to take or throw away

2024-10-23 01:52:07 GMT

- reply

my answer to "would I ever find God in a green dock light and run over my husband's lover with my own lover's car" has evolved considerably since March of 2020

2024-10-23 01:51:31 GMT

in hindsight the plot of The Great Gatsby makes infinitely more sense when you remember that the author and all of the characters have been driven to the brink of stark-raving, shoelace-eating madness by three years of a global flu pandemic

2024-10-20 16:39:33 GMT

[women are lonely]: well, women just need to lower their standards, change themselves, and put other people's needs first
[men are lonely]: well, women just need to lower their standards, change themselves, and put other people's needs first

2024-10-16 22:52:28 GMT

I have delivered
the copper ingots
that were ordered
by Nanni
and which
he was probably
hoping
were a higher grade
forgive me
I am Ea-Nasir
so shifty
and so cold

2024-10-14 23:40:45 GMT

apparently when I said I wanted to see Les Misérables someday, I should have clarified that I did not mean "unfolding on the streets around me in real time"

2024-10-07 18:09:21 GMT

oh so when Moo Deng bites people and falls over she's "a social media sensation" but when I do it I am "bringing a weird energy to my coworker's gender reveal party"

2024-10-06 00:39:01 GMT

I regret to report that the secret to making friends in your 30s is to go out and do things and then ask the people there if they would like to go out again and do more things

2024-09-08 23:00:43 GMT

thrilled to announce that I have successfully reached age 32 without being swept into the Atlantic Ocean by the fury of an enraged Poseidon
https://media.mas.to/media_attachments/files/113/104/414/259/426/851/original/9c981c849b78cd5d.png
https://media.mas.to/media_attachments/files/113/104/414/525/816/954/original/3f668e17909d7c8e.png

2024-09-06 16:15:10 GMT

once upon a midnight dreary
while I wandered, weak and weary
to a quaint and curious icebox door
when I spotted what I had been craving
the plums that you were probably saving
for your breakfast, I am sure
forgive me please, I do implore
I ate those plums and nothing more

2024-08-06 01:43:31 GMT

Harris: we need to come together as a country
Trump: the Mexicans want asylum, they're breaking into our mental hospitals
RFK Jr: in October of 1998 I left a jar of human eyes in the fiction section of a Borders bookstore in Philadelphia

2024-08-03 22:08:45 GMT

can't believe other women were picked for the Olympic basketball team over me just because they have the unfair biological advantage of not being built like the sturdiest turnip farmer in Middle-Earth

2024-08-03 01:21:23 GMT

"childless woman" is such a 19th-century-ass insult. what else you got. do I render inferior tallow? do my cabbages grow pale and blemished? does the quality of my sock-darning bring shame upon my father's name?

2024-06-02 23:18:51 GMT

my elderly Egyptian Uber driver happily informed me that he “supports the gays now” because he lives with a lesbian couple and “the husband lesbian is a better husband than I was”, happy pride everyone

2022-12-22 23:05:44 GMT

the 4 types of national anthems:
- Gosh, This Sure is an Attractive Piece of Land We've Got Here
- That One War in Particular was a Doozy
- We Only Sing Parts of This Song Now Because the Other Verses are Racist
- We Speak French and We Will Fucking Kill You