lonely extrovert

☕️ :bisexual: :leather_flag: ♏️  lake superior owns my soul. gen-x, fond of single malt scotch, r.e.m., bob mould, doctor who. minnesotan, german speaker, genealogy dork, band geek. did i tell you about my budgies? let me tell you all about my budgies... #TeamAsteroid

lonely extrovert (npub1hn2…lf40)">https://justmytoots.com/lonely extrovert (npub1hn2…lf40)

pronouns: she/her
typology: scorpio, sagittarius rising, pisces moon. I/ENFJ. enneagram 4w5.
pixelfed: https://portfolio.pixelfed.social/rothko

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npub1hn2nh2dc563d7cuhwj2ss5y9vscan5r4sh2qa2k2aanq7nerfl4q8qlf40

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nprofile1qqste4fm4xu2dgklvwthf9gg2zzkgvwe6p6ct4qw4t9w7es0fu35l6spz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dstmdr0l

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Last Notes

2025-12-25 02:54:08 GMT

merry xmas, beloveds. know this, if nothing else: you are not alone. ❤️

2025-12-20 22:51:29 GMT

so cute 💛💚🩵
budgies chillin' by the window.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/754/320/041/136/016/original/a15332f8be929def.jpeg

2025-12-15 03:09:32 GMT

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is she the one who did that round piece out in the sculpture garden?

2025-12-11 16:48:21 GMT

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hey, i've got one of those!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/701/951/130/470/959/original/1e2ceee535ed07ff.jpeg

2025-11-22 20:00:39 GMT

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very cute bird ❤️ ... known as the Varied Tit in english.

2025-11-21 16:26:45 GMT

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wow, that definitely sounds like a challenge -- especially since (as near as i can tell) only dudes make podcasts.

2025-11-21 02:52:02 GMT

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he also has a really good newsletter: https://buttondown.com/monteiro

2025-11-18 02:17:41 GMT

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i am still bitter about them not filming that video in actual damn berlin.

2025-10-10 21:45:35 GMT

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what is it this time? please tell me the AI bubble burst

2025-09-21 20:08:31 GMT

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https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/244/082/010/113/488/original/81436dcc2e631317.jpeg

2025-09-21 19:58:06 GMT

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https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/244/048/349/605/307/original/3de5c5fc8831d6e8.jpeg

2025-09-12 20:22:57 GMT

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https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/193/175/136/248/266/original/f85affeb8a6f7792.jpeg

2025-09-02 01:32:52 GMT

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wait... there's a difference?? i thought "shag" was just vernacular for "cormorant"...

2025-08-22 15:22:53 GMT

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bi invisibility is a thing. my husband and i are both bi. we just happen to really dig each other, but it's weird because people just assume we're straight. either that or the first question is usually whether we have same-sex partners "on the side" 🙄 maybe? sometimes? none of your business?
also i feel weird showing up to pride events because the rest of the folks in the rainbow don't always take kindly to those of us B types. either we're sleeping with the enemy or we're just indecisive or whatever.
and whether you're straight or gay, we are NOT out to steal your partner, and just because i wanna be your friend does NOT mean i'm trying to get into your pants.

2025-06-19 16:47:36 GMT

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yes! they are rock doves, and i love their iridescent shimmery colors.

2025-06-05 23:39:59 GMT

big double rainbow seen from my back patio... nature says happy pride 😁
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/633/382/482/681/182/original/e53c4d480924bacf.jpeg

2025-06-05 15:47:01 GMT

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i've seen them on a trip to south padre island in texas. such cool birds. where are you birding?

2025-06-05 01:37:44 GMT

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that's a bug??? it looks like a leaf, or maybe a seed.... nice camouflage 👍🏻

2025-05-23 16:02:00 GMT

this is the best thing since the Ever Given.

2025-05-21 15:26:42 GMT

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tiniest birb, biggest voice ❤️❤️❤️

2025-05-09 14:49:54 GMT

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upon first glance, i thought this was a white cat's paw reaching underneath a closed door.

2025-05-07 21:03:37 GMT

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that article is super helpful!! thank you!

2025-05-07 16:58:49 GMT

any opticians out there? i have a random question.
i've always wondered what the two numbers with the square between them mean that's printed on the bow. like 44🔲23. always had the impression it's some kind of measurement...??
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/467/601/478/070/828/original/9f3deda86b070606.jpeg

2025-05-06 17:32:08 GMT

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LOL the boss fight, as it were...
we used to have the pry tool i think you're talking about. it was great until my husband asked too much of it one day and the wooden handle snapped off near the base. which was kinda impressive...

2025-05-06 17:23:05 GMT

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also, you may have to dig the plants out at the roots if chopping them doesn't discourage them enough...

2025-05-06 17:22:05 GMT

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we had a massive bamboo infestation where we used to live. my husband would chop the stalks once they reached about 3 feet high, and then pour white vinegar down the hollow center. worked like a charm. not sure if it'd work with something like buckthorn but it could be worth a try.
does it have shallow roots that tangle themselves and spread all over the place?

2025-04-22 14:25:24 GMT

dear mastodon:
i'm just gonna throw this out here in the unlikely event that someone who knows about these things can help me out.
my dad gave me his old Seiko Sportsmatic from the late 60s, series 7625-7000. he put a different bracelet on it at some point, but he's still got the original -- minus the end links, unfortunately.
i have scoured the entire internet to the best of my ability but absolutely can NOT find end links for this thing. for other models, yes, but not this one. i don’t know if the originals were curved or straight, but they should be 18mm.
here are some photos of the bracelet. it looks a lot like the style they call "beads of rice," but the bits are usually rounded, and they're flat on this one.
i am stumped. anyone?? please boost!!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/382/064/461/050/029/original/96d1a39585d5ff8d.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/382/067/004/646/687/original/3c583f2d622f08fe.jpeg

2025-04-04 15:05:57 GMT

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nice!!!!

2025-03-03 22:59:19 GMT

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how strange, it seems that most participants preferred the two-column design to the three-plus-one when put to a vote. and yet they went with the latter. hmmm. (probably some statistical nuances there that i'm not paying attention to because i don't know anything about stats)

2025-01-16 14:36:42 GMT

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i escaped in 2023, i don’t have to care anymore -- even though i obviously do on some level yet. many of my friends have also moved away, and others either plan to or don't want to leave their families etc. it’s all tech bros and money now and nobody can afford to live there or have a retail space either. so lifelong natives have leave because even if their homes are paid for, they can't afford the ridiculous property taxes.

2025-01-16 14:07:35 GMT

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i keep getting spam calls from my own area code even though my address is now in a completely different state. phone is still old area code but it somehow feels like i didn't get this many spam calls before i moved.
then again, maybe i just notice them more.

2025-01-16 14:01:37 GMT

well, in case anyone still needed proof that austin SUCKS, the alamo drafthouse cinema, already in the hands of private receivership, was just sold to sony -- who of course then fired half the workers.
an integral part -- and one of the only parts remaining -- of what made austin "weird" all those years ago is gone. all that's left now is book people and the broken spoke.
"remember the alamo" indeed.

2024-12-10 22:27:38 GMT

as employers keep pressuring workers more and more to return to the office these days, this was refreshing to find in my inbox just now:
"Dear Rothko,
Starting on 1 January 2025, the National Genealogical Society (NGS) will become an entirely virtual office with staff spread throughout the country. The office in Falls Church, Virginia, will close, allowing us to allocate resources to serve members better.
Since early 2020, most NGS staff have worked from home. This option has allowed us to recruit great employees regardless of where they live. We now have employees in Maryland, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Missouri, Colorado, and California and contractors nationwide. With tools like Zoom, we can accomplish as much remotely as we did with people in an office and provide improved employee satisfaction."
wow, somebody gets it! impressed.

2024-12-08 01:48:46 GMT

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wtf am i looking at?~! where is his beak???

2024-12-06 15:12:45 GMT

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seen at the grocery store yesterday:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/113/606/520/437/265/205/original/4a704fd345fcb561.jpeg

2024-12-03 21:58:05 GMT

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https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/113/591/119/075/893/463/original/2f7d2a02d5323607.jpg

2024-11-09 02:07:57 GMT

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if "thr" is bad, try polish "prz" or "szcz" etc etc..

2024-11-08 01:53:05 GMT

my appetite has SUCKED for a few weeks now. just don't feel like eating food. sure, i'll occasionally eat some junk to keep my blood sugar up, but whatevs. eating is and always has been nothing but a fucking chore.
and i am tired and really just don't want to do anything right now. don't feel like reading, don't feel like doing the genealogy geek stuff i was busy with last week, don't feel like doing the usual fun postcard exchanges, just super non-inspired and why fucking bother. the only reason i've gotten out of bed at all this week is because of a couple morning appointments that involve other people needing my participation.
i guess i've been spoiled, thinking shit like this couldn't happen here. like, i've always been super-cynical about this country, but this is sheer fucking madness and it's completely blown my mind.
and i know the BIPOC world is like omfg cry me a river, bitches -- and i know y'all are right. i didn't think i was this blind to my privilege; i've been willing to recognize it, to own it, and try to do better, to be better, but somehow i just didn't believe that there were THIS many fascists hiding in plain sight. wtf, america, seriously??

2024-09-27 23:01:02 GMT

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i thought they just reopened the mine?

2024-09-21 21:31:51 GMT

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you think that'll actually happen? getting big business off the internet? i'm intrigued to know your thought process there. (like seriously, not trying to be snarky.)

2024-09-17 22:20:06 GMT

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airborne as in completely left you behind, or airborne as in left the pavement and crashed?

2024-09-17 22:18:34 GMT

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people still race on that stretch of I-35 and it's a fucking terrifying experience to be in the surrounding traffic. i have NEVER feared for my life as hard as i did one friday night leaving dallas heading back to austin.

2024-09-03 17:31:52 GMT

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yeah except half of these truck owners do NOT need them to do any kind of physical/farm work. they're purely about dick size.

2024-08-28 16:49:18 GMT

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expressing frustration over minor things is like a safety valve that keeps us from exploding at the sheer fucking horror that is the 21st century. or something.

2024-08-19 23:42:06 GMT

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omg this sounds like a recipe for disaster in MY kitchen. flip the cup with ice over onto the thing, hold it together and then flip it all over again? *snort* i predict carnage. (as they say: your mileage, obviously, may vary.)

2024-08-19 00:37:49 GMT

so... the bird? the one we got on wednesday who was the little white puffball snuggling up to me and playing angry birds?
we left the house at 10 this morning to do stuff, got back shortly after 12, and found the little guy lying at the bottom of the cage, cold and stiff and dead.
no idea what happened.
his head was at kind of a funny angle; my guess is that he either fell or didn't quite make the jump to a perch, or got startled, who knows.
he was barely nine weeks old. we hadn't quite decided on a name.
we are both completely devastated. waited so long for him to arrive, fell in love so hard, such a beautiful little bird, and not a week later he's just gone.
angus and bruce are quiet today -- they haven't been out of the cage much. so much upheaval for those guys lately -- moving a million miles, getting a new cage and not being let out for six months, two temporary apartments, and then a whole new house and another new cage. and then rico passes on, and then suddenly there's this crazy tiny psycho little roommate for three days who's then boom, gone...
i hope it's not too much for bruce; he's only a year younger than rico was. i really don't want to bury three budgies in one fucking year.
you guys, the little bird. such a goofy puffball and then gone. i can't even believe it.

2024-08-17 02:45:09 GMT

y'all, i can't even, with this bird.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/975/057/503/144/945/original/9d9b7a0eb46be894.jpeg

2024-08-10 01:36:25 GMT

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i'm in LOL what?

2024-08-09 13:17:06 GMT

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i believe so, yes

2024-08-07 22:30:08 GMT

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looks like snapdragon!

2024-08-02 01:01:26 GMT

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is there a chongus amongus?

2024-07-09 15:11:22 GMT

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generally autism is still thought of as a "disease" that needs to be eradicated, rather than simply being wired differently. so yeah, your idea is totally plausible.
also, the more we learn about it, the more it is "diagnosed," and people think "omg it's an epidemic" when in fact the number of autistic people hasn't actually changed, it's just being noticed more often.
note that i am speaking here as one who identifies as neurotypical,* and so if i have stepped on anyone's toes here, please forgive 🩷
*subject to interpretation, i guess, given the bipolar and possible ADHD...

2024-07-07 21:16:24 GMT

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EPIC TROLL

2024-07-06 18:24:28 GMT

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i was a barista for ten years and preferred the opening shift even though it meant getting up at 5.
i haven't had a barista job since 2018 and my body is now permanently stuck waking up at 5 whether i need to or not: "sorry, rothko, this is just how it is now. deal with it."
trying to stay in bed just makes me restless and cranky so i usually get up, eat some cereal, do my meditation/etc, and then start the coffee machine. by then it's 7 and my husband actually has a vague chance of waking up, although it takes him forever to actually achieve anything like full consciousness. so i bring him coffee, lay back down, and eventually he's ready to get outta bed at 8:30 for his long commute down the hall to his office.
he also takes for frickin' EVER getting ready to leave for anywhere. we'll get out the door and then he'll remember something and go back for it... sometimes multiple times. makes me insane. but we both prefer to get places early and are usually the first ones to show up at a gathering.

2024-07-05 14:19:20 GMT

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this is seriously confusing. there has GOT to be some space between the counter and the fridge/oven area. otherwise the planes are all wrong. is it an optical illusion?? soooo bizarre.

2024-07-03 17:07:00 GMT

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yeah... the minnesota northwoods is amazingly gorgeous but i don't even wanna be outside right now because of all the disease-ridden mosquitos. and we've had sooooo much rain up here that they've had even more time to breed...... ugh.

2024-07-02 16:38:17 GMT

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organized?? really?

2024-06-30 00:02:37 GMT

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me: *falls over*

2024-06-24 20:45:32 GMT

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ooh, hugs AND a cookie. thanks 😁

2024-06-24 20:16:30 GMT

dear mastodon: i am not well. my brain refuses to shut off these days and i am constantly plagued with this nagging feeling that time is running out to "get my life together." and even so, i seem stuck in a spiral of inaction, self-hatred, inaction, etc etc etc.
started seeing an EMDR person to see if it might help budge this intractable sense of fatalism that keeps me from doing anything at all ever. not that i might fail, but that my dreams (assuming i even have any at this point) will probably just not happen because the world doesn't work that way, so don't get your hopes up.
i grew up in what i call the trifecta of doom: german lutheran minnesota. stoic pessimists who don't rock the boat. keep your head down, god forbid you stand out in any way. you might be talented, but don't get a big head over it.
the EMDR person asked me last week if i'd ever been diagnosed with ADHD. it's been suggested in the past that i might have it, and i was even prescribed adderall once, but it didn't do a thing -- zip, zilch, nada. didn't pursue any testing or anything after that.
so i actually took an inventory online the other day and it's vaguely likely, but not super high scores. a bit high on the inattention but not at all on the hyper part or whatever they call it.
and even if i get an actual diagnosis, i remain sad, because if i don't respond to adderall and the like, the only other thing would be strattera, which conflicts with so many of my bipolar (and other!) meds that it's just not advisable in the least. and so that leaves me with shit like CBT, which i absolutely hate. yeah, so i'm supposed to think about my feelings before actually feeling them? talk myself out of my feelings somehow? yeah no, that's bullshit.
i don't know how to talk myself into actually doing some routine self-care, much less into a state of motivation to figure out what i want to do and then do it.
i'm feeling pretty hopeless, and i can't stop obsessing and going round in circles.
i do see a new psychiatrist on wednesday, so maybe they'll have some bright ideas. i just wanna curl up in bed and do nothing, but my brain won't shut the hell up and i just want to jump out of my skin or explode or just i don't even know.
i should probably go jump in the lake for a cold plunge. it's been so rainy and windy these last few weeks that it's not exactly safe, though. superior, for all her healing energy, is also wild and capricious, and must be heavily respected.
ARGH. i'm gaining a better understanding of why some of my friends smoke weed almost continuously in order to manage their shit.

2023-12-11 01:44:06 GMT

semiotics 101:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/111/559/230/916/401/643/original/c7cf15d60ff514cf.jpeg