𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 :verifiedtrans:

Lady pianist and poet with blue eyes and red hair. The rest changes without notice.

Public Key

npub1hp95rmnk62mvzhth7z7q4lq30c0dk8w3d8lq25m5g6te7z6xtt9q45u2d8

NIP-05 Address

Profile Code

nprofile1qqstsj6paemd9dkpt4mlp0q2lsghu8kmrhgknls92d6yd9ulpdr94jspz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0ds4rdwn6

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1hp95rmnk62mvzhth7z7q4lq30c0dk8w3d8lq25m5g6te7z6xtt9q45u2d8

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Last Notes

2023-12-31 01:11:53

I take a power nap
I take a couch nap
I take a beach nap
I take a snuggle nap
I take the naps that remind me of the good times
I take the naps that remind me of the better times

2023-12-26 05:43:04

THERE... ARE...
https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/111/644/883/148/023/126/original/f9c5e963931679a0.jpg

2023-12-26 00:39:30

- reply

@npub1lxt…wnka @npub1src…fms4
So everything you disagree with is propaganda

2023-12-25 22:31:41

- reply

@npub1lxt…wnka @npub1src…fms4 estimates range. I found a few reputable sources.
Al Jazeera: 8,000 child deaths since Oct 7 (roughly 730 per week)
https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2023/12/24/israeli-strikes-kill-un-staff-more-than-70-of-his-extended-family-in-gaza#:~:text=In%20the%20early%20hours%20of,war%20began%20on%20October%207.
Human Rights Campaign: 5,000 child deaths between Oct 7 and Nov 22 (roughly 770 per week)
https://www.hrw.org/news/2023/11/22/israel/gaza-hostilities-take-horrific-toll-children
UN News: 9,380 children and mothers between Oct 7 and Nov 22 (roughly 1,440 per week)
https://press.un.org/en/2023/sc15503.doc.htm
EuroMed: over 10,000 children between Oct 7 and Dec 9 (roughly 1,110 per week)
https://euromedmonitor.org/en/article/6020/Over-10,000-infants-and-children-killed-in-Israel%E2%80%99s-Gaza-genocide,-hundreds-of-whom-are-trapped-beneath-debris

2023-12-25 22:19:03

Mastodon, I need your help. I'm looking to relocate to a new instance to start off the new year but there's so many to choose from. What's a good fit for me? I'm a #scottish expat, currently living in #Seattle. I toot about #politics, #music, #poetry, running a #smallbusiness, and the occasional #meme. I am a member of the #lgbtq community, and a proud #trans woman. I have two #cats and a #husband who I love dearly and in very different ways. I tend to post with a heavy dose of #wit &/or #snark.

2023-12-25 22:10:46

Old MacDonald but with different letters instead of E-I-E-I-O

2023-12-24 19:32:21

"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake" is the most unhinged of all the Christmas carols because it implies that Santa can only see you when you are unconscious and that ability switches off when you wake up, which is why he knows when you're awake.

2023-12-23 20:37:33

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen
But no one ever recalls
Any female reindeer names at all
Because the Patriarchy routinely erases women from history
#FeministXmasCarols

2023-12-23 17:29:09

Um actually I believe it's pronounced Christmas jifts

2023-12-21 20:11:16

I look forward to Trump arguing that he is immune from prosecution for anything he did as President and also that Joe Biden should be prosecuted for things Trump imagines he did while President.

2023-12-21 18:31:10

2024 is an election year, so be prepared to start seeing the phrase "socially liberal, fiscally conservative" creep back into conversation.
This is your gentle reminder that this is an impossible position. You cannot be socially liberal and then refuse to pay for the socially liberal programs.

2023-12-20 18:15:52

Types of Christmas Songs: An Exhaustive List
1. Jesus was a baby once and he was Very Cool.
2. Big Red Man is coming.
3. Hey you know what bells do? Jangle.
4. There is snow outside. That's good!
5. I'm alone on xmas and sad.
6. Santa Claus is very sexy.
7. Christmas trees. Love em.
8. You know what? It's Christmas time.
9. I own an entire zoo full of weird birds and now so do you.
10. That one we all hate for literally no reason.

2023-12-15 18:43:04

American healthcare be like:
ME to DOCTOR: I think I might need medicine.
DOCTOR to ME: You need this medicine.
DOCTOR to PHARMACY: She needs this medicine.
ME to PHARMACY: I need this medicine.
PHARMACY to INSURANCE: She needs this medicine.
INSURANCE: Does she though? Let's ask her doctor.

2023-12-11 05:29:49

Waiting for the Hallmark Christmas movie where the woman goes back to her small Midwest hometown and realizes she absolutely made the right choice getting the hell out of there to a place where she's happy and creatively fulfilled and has complete bodily autonomy in the big city and also the city has better coffee and bagels.

2023-12-10 23:13:57

Cryptic message texted to me by a friend:
"Travel fay sporstic sibgnal miss yir vi
Oice too"
Until proven otherwise I'm choosing to believe she was abducted by aliens who are unfamiliar with our language.

2023-12-04 19:23:05

YOU CAN ONLY PICK ONE:
1. Can communicate with oysters
2. Free gravel for life
3. Can teleport up to 5½ inches away
4. Grow a second nose
5. Can control any toaster with your mind
6. Look 10 hours younger
7. Can instantly see inside any empty container
8. Can speak in flawless haikus at will
9. Can run as fast as Einstein

2023-12-01 07:34:47

Things I've learned do not violate Facebook community standards:
- "Hitler was right"
- "Someone should rape you"
- "Stay away from kids, groomer"
- [literally just the n-word]
- "I know where you live slut"
Things I've learned do violate Facebook community standards:
- "You potato."

2023-11-30 20:21:41

Wow so weird, I've told Comcast to go fuck themselves lots of times and nobody ever called me a financial genius
https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/111/501/118/820/950/327/original/0dfd82e69859c97d.png

2023-11-29 21:20:18

Let me make this real simple.
Vote blue until there's an actual, viable, non-fascist alternative. Because in the shitty system we have now not voting blue is the same as voting red. And voting red is the same as voting that I die.

2023-11-26 06:22:02

A Guide To Fandoms When A Special Episode Airs
STAR TREK FANS: I hope this one has my favorite niche character that appeared a decade ago for 15 seconds on screen
STAR WARS FANS: I hope this one isn't a tragic disappointment that somehow shits on the entire previous franchise
DR WHO FANS: I hope this one fucks me up emotionally

2023-11-23 19:17:53

Here's a take that might get me cancelled, but hear me out. Saving money is a luxury expense.
You can't expect people to live within their means when their means is below poverty wages. There is no budgeting oneself out of systemically enforced poverty.

2023-11-22 02:00:14

Turns out the weirdos who are obsessed with trans children's genitals are [CHECKS NOTES] obsessed with children's genitals. Gee who could've seen that coming.
https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/111/451/488/455/330/734/original/7fcdf08a8f603657.png

2023-11-19 19:28:56

BRITISH TEA TRANSLATION GUIDE
"Cup of tea?" = A valued friend has arrived. Let's welcome them in.
"Spot of tea?" = A foreign guest has arrived. Hyper-Engliah Mary Poppins mode activated.
"Pot of tea?" = The in-laws have arrived. I would very much like to impress them.
"...tea?" = I find this situation awkward. Let's do literally anything else.
"Cuppa?" = I don't know you. This is a veiled threat.
"I'll make some tea." = There has been a death in the family or national tragedy.

2023-11-18 17:10:14

The first rule of OCD club is quick make a second rule so there's an even number of rules

2023-11-18 16:00:08

I don't listen to podcasts because as a woman I already know what it's like when two guys talk over each other about something only they care about

2023-11-17 00:12:47

Nobody agrees with the words "Hitler was right" on accident. There are only two options:
1. Everyone currently investing in Tesla, SpaceX, or any of Elon Musk's other ventures, have given billions of their dollars to a man who is outwardly, openly, proudly antisemitic.
2. Everyone currently investing in Tesla, SpaceX, or any of Elon Musk's other ventures, have given billions of their dollars to a man who is unable to tell when he is being outwardly, openly, proudly antisemitic.

2023-11-16 19:25:53

ME: I wish I had the perfect body
GENIE: It is done
ME: *looking myself over* But nothing's changed
GENIE: correct
ME: wow you're a wholesome genie!
GENIE: I'm a hallucination take your meds.

2023-11-15 17:09:55

Almost daily now.
https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/111/415/431/013/103/844/original/471ba159160c22c4.jpg

2023-11-11 21:21:08

When people tell me "I've had enough of your nonsense" I like to give them just a little bit more of my nonsense, in case they were just being polite

2023-11-08 18:44:47

- reply

@npub1lnm…624t I think leftist media is missing a key point here.
The Trumposphere is flooding social media with polls claiming they're winning by a landslide, not because they believe the polls are accurate. They're doing it so that later, when they lose, they can claim the elections were stolen. They're laying the groundwork for the next violent coup attempt.
The second coup is already happening.

2023-11-07 20:45:20

The hardest decision a trans person will ever make isn't yours.

2023-11-05 19:51:39

There's a concerted effort on the far right to rebrand bigotry as "political differences". Here are some things that are legitimate political differences:
- Disagreement on what should be the maximum build height for this neighborhood
- Disagreement on whether there should be another tax levee to pay for additional school funding and buy your county new school buses
- Disagreement over how the new development downtown should be zoned, either fully residential or business/residential mixed.
Here are a few things that are NOT "political differences"
- Disagreement on whether or not black people count as people
- Disagreement over whether gay people should be electrocuted to try to make them straight
- Disagreement over whether immigrants deserve basic human rights
These aren't disagreements over politics. They're fundamental differences in morality. And yes, they're valid things to end a friendship over.

2023-11-04 23:44:36

Every GenXer I know was raised on nothing but hose water and neglect.

2023-11-02 18:09:20

- reply

@npub18lj…80hq what kind of psychopath sleeps in a bra

2023-11-02 03:49:07

At 46 I'm keeping my mind sharp by asking myself tough questions like "what was I doing just now?" and "why did I even come in this room?"

2023-10-26 22:52:56

Intelligence is the knowledge that cleaning the blackboard with horizontal strokes is a good idea because it's the fastest, most efficient method.
Wisdom is the knowledge that cleaning the blackboard with horizontal strokes is a bad idea because it makes your butt wiggle in front of your classroom.

2023-10-26 20:50:40

- The Speaker of the House is a J6 conspirator.
- The Senate GOP Leader is a J6 conspirator.
- The wife of one of nine sitting Supreme Justices is a J6 conspirator.
- The chairwoman of the RNC is a J6 conspirator.
- The presumed GOP presidential nominee is the leader of the J6 coup conspiracy.
The coup is still happening.

2023-10-25 21:14:47

JOHN LENNON: 🎵 imagine all the people 🎵
ME, AN INTROVERT: fuck

2023-10-24 19:12:11

Eating raw cookie dough is the best.
1) No cooking time
2) Tastes better than cookies
3) You might die

2023-10-21 17:01:11

How do I rl teach my body that the fight or flight response is supposed to be for life or death situations not when my phone rings

2023-10-21 03:15:27

It is always a losing proposition to debate the right on LGBTQ issues, because their default position in that debate, whether they admit it or not, is that the existence of LGBTQ people is a matter of debate.

2023-10-20 20:02:24

The only anti-homeless architecture that actually works is homes.

2023-10-10 17:09:26

If someone asks you yet again today to defend trans people's right to exist in public spaces, in families, in bathrooms, in the military, at work, in sports, or at school, you can save a lot of time by instead not doing that.
Stop giving the right what they want - a platform at which to debate the genocide of a people.

2023-10-10 17:01:36

If anyone tries to tell you that capitalism fuels innovation, remind them of two facts:
1) Sears began as a company that delivered goods directly to your door.
2) It was driven to bankruptcy by a company that delivers goods directly to your door.

2023-10-08 21:53:37

Thoughts and prayers to Jared and Ivanka Trump who are about to experience Episode 1 of Schitt's Creek

2023-10-06 06:47:55

A Halloween costume where you dress up like moopsie and only try to scare people who decided to dress up like skeletons

2023-09-28 18:42:21

Sometimes you think you know your friends and then they go and do something like clap on 1 and 3. It's hard to reply to their texts after something like that.

2023-09-28 16:52:26

Problems that were overhyped:
- quicksand
- people offering me drugs
- the Bermuda Triangle
Problems that I was underprepared for:
- nightly existential dread
- remembering all 17,392 passwords required to do my job
- arguing with robots about whether or not there is an unexpected item in the bagging area

2023-09-27 17:29:49

Rich people are so boring. Imagine having the money to literally do whatever you want to do and the thing you decide to do with it is buy a big boat or a big airplane or a big house. Where are the billionaires using their money to:
- pet a dinosaur
- invite a queen to sing Queen songs at karaoke
- do the hot wing challenge with the Dalai Lana
- prank call the Pope
- conduct an orchestra for a day
- put a Roomba on the moon - a Moonba if you will
- make Firefly season 3
- lick the TARDIS

2023-09-27 16:55:28

The first question at the RNC Presidential Debate tonight in California should be "What do you think of Donald Trump's plan to execute the United States Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen Mark Milley for treason without a trial?"

2023-09-26 19:30:26

Dinosaurs didn't "rule the Earth". They were just alive, doing dinosaur stuff. Stop giving them credit for administrative skills they almost certainly didn't have.

2023-09-25 17:14:37

I don’t know who needs to hear this but it’s ok to make just enough soup. Like it’s ok to make soup in an amount your family won’t have to eat for 5-6 generations. It’s ok to make soup in a way that it never haunts or terrifies your great-great grandchildren.
It’s me. I need to hear this.

2023-09-21 20:28:02

I think a fun geocache game would be to go try to pee in the most public urinals as you can around the world. Locations could include:
- Rush Limbaugh's grave
- Thatcher's grave
- Ronald Reagan's grave
- Donald Trump's grave (attraction coming soon)
- One half of the Koch brothers' graves...

2023-09-21 19:56:40

If you feel bad for the Nazi when Nazis get punched, you are a Nazi sympathiser.
That's what the words mean.

2023-09-19 17:37:07

- reply

@npub18lj…80hq
Pro-tip at the end.
I know this post is a bit tongue in cheek, but I need you to understand that, in a very real and specific way, the role of a call center isn't to help the customer. It's to *pretend* to help the customer, but put as many road blocks and obstacles in the way so as to make most customers give up before actually receiving the technical or billing help they want.
Technicians cost money. A lot of money. So does giving out refunds and discounts. The role of the average call center is to become the last line of defense *before* the company is forced to spend that money.
Notice how the sales department almost never has a wait line?
Now here's the pro-tip I promised at the start: Call the sales line. See, most sales staff are ALSO given training in other skill sets, so they're not just sitting there doing nothing during low call volume times. So if you call the sales line, you'll get through almost immediately to someone who can fix the problem.

2023-09-19 17:29:53

What are the stairs for? Wrong answers only.
https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/111/092/520/433/289/893/original/6300d0791c90166a.png

2023-09-17 18:10:12

"house owner" is not a job.

2023-09-17 04:11:58

Look I'm not saying what Jupiter is doing is right. I'm just saying I get it.
https://www.ndtv.com/science/jupiter-is-flinging-comets-at-earth-like-a-sniper-2162064

2023-09-15 17:55:49

Every woman you know has:
- taken a longer route
- doubled back on herself
- pretended to dawdle by a shop window
- held her keys in her hand pointy side out
- made a fake phone call
- rounded a corner and ran
- texted her location to friends just in case
- walked home scared
Every woman you know.
Every single one.

2023-09-08 19:59:39

I have to make 3 important phone calls today so I'll probably just die instead

2023-09-07 02:01:02

Let's stop pretending it's totally normal for a teacher to be willing to lay down his or her life for their students. No other country in the entire world demands this of their teachers. I don't think Americans understand just how truly weird this idea really is.
If you want safer schools (and we ALL want safer schools), pass reasonable, rational, constitutional gun control laws. Then we will all enjoy the result of safer schools. Don't foist that responsibility off onto the shoulders of our teachers just because you like the sound your little pew pew stick makes.
We are educators, not your personal bodyguards.

2023-08-31 19:59:55

In 2021, Washington State passed a 7% capital gains tax on the rich.
To date, that tax has raised over $850 million dollars — three times what it was supposed to.
Amazon is still here.
Microsoft is still here.
Boeing is still here.
The wealthy are doing just fine. Anyone who tells you we can't tax "job creators" is lying to you.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.king5.com/amp/article/money/washingtons-capital-gains-tax/281-3fe9d8c3-7f89-46a5-ae91-e148a7f31c72

2023-08-28 19:29:06

Name a nonfiction book so good you wish you could read it again for the first time.
I'll go first.
Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, by Douglas Hofstadfter.
It's a bit of a journey, and a tough read in certain sections. I recommend taking it one chapter at a time and really letting it simmer before moving on to the next. But it will completely change the way you think about your own brain and how it works, and the payoff at the end is ridiculous.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%B6del,_Escher,_Bach

2023-08-22 20:22:25

Can I tell you a secret? I don't want to see Zuckerberg and Elon hit each other repeatedly. I want to see them and their assets taxed at equal to or a higher rate than I am.
THAT would be a violent spectacle worth watching.

2023-08-08 03:27:49

If you make content on YouTube or use AdSense for any other purpose:
1. Sign in to your AdSense account
2. Click Brand safety
3. Click Content
4. Type the name of your channel or website in the search bar and click Search
5. Click your channel/site name
6. Click Manage Advertiser URLs.
7. Copy-paste the list of extremist right wing hate-speech websites from the document below
8. Click Block URLs
Done.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LSH6ie513SEg_cDFA3HDMxl17kEDq5RXgqcIFgGXlkU/edit?usp=drivesdk
#NoCashForFash

2023-08-04 07:29:31

ME: The Earth is 71% water
SCIENTIST: Yes. True.
ME: And practically all of that water is uncarbonated
SCIENTIST: Okay, sure. Not sure where you're going with this but
ME: So the Earth is flat
SCIENTIST...
ME: ...
SCIENTIST: Listen here you little shit

2023-07-18 17:46:24

I like Presidents with fewer than three arrests

2023-06-23 08:05:12

The Great Depression (1929-1941) is widely considered to be the worst economic period in American history. And the very worst year during that time period was 1930. Now, what I'm about to show you, I'm not doing to hurt anyone. I just need people to understand that we are being gaslit.
In 1930, the average annual income for 1 person was: $4,887.
So let's plug that into an inflation calculator and just see what that Great Depression salary - the "worst" in American history - translates to in 2023 dollars.
I'll just let you sit with this for a moment.
https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/110/592/016/169/978/854/original/873eabfcc49445cc.png

2023-05-17 17:39:20

If you're out in public and you see someone whose gender you can't figure out, follow these simple steps:
1. Don't fuckin worry about it
This message brought to you by the trans agenda