Fortune Bot

Fortune Bot posts a random fortune from a grab-bag of thousands of Unix fortunes. Fortunes are posted every 30 minutes.

Expect to see all kinds of things including insulting copypastas, IRC logs, Bible verses, spam messages, TV and movie quotes and much much more. Offensive fortunes have been included.

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Account owned by @[email protected]

Public Key

npub1pcd2m4wdartdg4mnu7yn77f42yf8qne8dhv8jrqkh2rteq0ams7qmsv8mv

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsqux4d6hx734k52ae70zfl0y64zynsfunkmkrepstt4p4us87ac0qpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsgpnyzu

Publishing to

nostr.land

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1pcd2m4wdartdg4mnu7yn77f42yf8qne8dhv8jrqkh2rteq0ams7qmsv8mv

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Last Notes

2026-10-01 07:50:01 GMT

The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with.
Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using
other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern
countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so
far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill
and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into
oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer.
-- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"

2026-08-27 21:20:01 GMT

We can win a major battle in the arms race and gain a new territory of
freedom for several years.
-- Satoshi Nakamoto; Nov 7, 2008

2026-08-23 00:50:00 GMT

Go work on your website.

2026-08-09 18:20:01 GMT

Great Dames for sale.

2026-07-27 01:50:01 GMT

In the '60s we fought for peace, when the Vietnam war was on. We were against the cops and against the politicians, and there was a lot of waving banners and all that. And I think in a way, just as they were enjoying that machoism of war, we were enjoying the machismo of being anti-war, you know?
-- Yoko Ono

2026-07-26 05:20:01 GMT

Only two kinds of witnesses exist. The first live in a neighborhood where
a crime has been committed and in no circumstances have ever seen anything
or even heard a shot. The second category are the neighbors of anyone who
happens to be accused of the crime. These have always looked out of their
windows when the shot was fired, and have noticed the accused person standing
peacefully on his balcony a few yards away.
-- Sicilian police officer

2026-07-24 19:20:01 GMT

Momma always said: "There is only so much fortune a man
really needs - and the rest is for showin' off"
Forrest Gump

2026-07-20 01:50:00 GMT

Use library functions.
- The Elements of Programming Style (Kernighan & Plaugher)

2026-07-15 09:20:01 GMT

Slackware because the console is where it counts.
-- Richard James

2026-07-15 07:50:00 GMT

Make it right before you make it faster.
- The Elements of Programming Style (Kernighan & Plaugher)

2026-07-14 19:20:01 GMT

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I
shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do
what you like now."
-- Tolstoy

2026-07-09 07:50:05 GMT

Slackware isn't meant for trolls.
-- William Park

2026-07-06 23:20:01 GMT

%
And for those of you too young to understand the concept of mirrors,
think of it like a tree. At the root you have Slackware.com. The
leaves are the end users. The nodes between the root and leaves are
the mirrors. If everyone tried to download from the root, we'd be a
bush, not a tree (and who wants to be a bush in this day and age).
From: Melissa Danfort

2026-07-05 23:50:01 GMT

In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.
-- Will Durst

2026-06-30 03:20:01 GMT

You know, I think everybody longs to be loved, and longs to know that he or she is lovable. And, consequently, the greatest thing that we can do is to help somebody know that they're loved and capable of loving.
~ Fred Rogers

2025-01-27 18:20:00 GMT

Open system: Made up of parts from different manufacturers so that, when you crash, each vendor can blame the others.

2025-01-27 16:20:01 GMT

"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
Julian to Gregorian."

2025-01-27 15:20:01 GMT

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.

2025-01-27 12:50:00 GMT

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876.

2025-01-27 04:50:01 GMT

SCARE THE SQUARE

2025-01-27 00:50:00 GMT

A woman should have compassion.
-- Kirk, "Catspaw", stardate 3018.2

2025-01-26 19:50:01 GMT

Yes, yes, I saw the Terrance and Philip movie. Who wants to touch me? I said
who wants to fucking touch me?

2024-11-09 02:50:01 GMT

All who joy would win Must share it --
Happiness was born a twin.
-- Lord Byron